Insatiable
by khalsey23
Summary: Meredith is evacuated to New York with her sisters during WW2, to stay with the Shepherds. Where she meet Derek Shepherd, and it sends her one a path she never expected
1. Disclaimer, summary and lyrics

**Insatiable**

**.com/watch?v=9u7hGkL57N8**

_**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended**_

**This fic has been a long time coming, I first had the idea about two years ago and started writing but I soon hit writers block on it, but I always knew I would finish it eventually. Thanks goes out to Jenny (jennyphillips1981) and Kate (Churchy_Babez) for their honest opinions whilst I have been writing this, and again Jenny as been my beta reader too. I have to thank Freaky for the AMAZING siggy that everyone has loved and I hope that this story lives up to what you have been expecting. I will shut up now and hope you all enjoy.**

**Summary :**

Meredith is evacuated to New York with her sisters during WW2, and there she stays with the Shepherds, meeting their son Derek. How will this affect the rest of her life?

**Genre**: Romance/Angst/Hurt & Comfort/Drama

**Rating: **T later changing to MA

**Warning: **Graphic sex/language/Minor characters death.

When moonlight crawls along the street  
>Chasing away the summer heat<br>Footsteps outside somewhere below  
>The world revolves I let it go<br>We build our church above this street  
>We practice love between these sheets<br>The candy sweetness scent of you  
>It bathes my skin, I'm stained by you<br>And all I have to do is hold you  
>There's a racing in my heart<br>And I am barely touching you

_[Chorus:]_  
>Turn the lights down low<br>Take it off  
>Let me show<br>My love for you  
>Insatiable<br>Turn me on  
>Never stop<br>Wanna taste evry drop  
>My love for you<br>Insatiable

The moonlight plays upon your skin  
>A kiss that lingers takes me in<br>I fall asleep inside of you  
>There are no words<br>Theres only truth  
>Breath in, Breathe out<br>There is no sound  
>We move together up and down<br>We levitate, our bodies soar  
>Our feet don't even touch the floor<br>And nobody knows you like I do  
>Coz the world they don't understand<br>But I grow stronger in your hands

_[Chorus x2]_

We never sleep we're always holdin' hands  
>Kissing for hours talkin' makin' plans<br>I feel like a better man  
>Just being in the same room<br>We never sleep ther is just so much to do  
>So much to say<br>Can't close my eyes when I'm with you  
>Insatiable, the way I'm loving you<p>

_[Chorus x2]_


	2. Prologue

**Insatiable**

**Welcome to my new fic, this is Insatiable, for all of those who have previously read my fic will know what to expect; for those who haven't then will contain language and sex, sometimes graphic sex. What is a Mer/Der without a little Mer/Der lovin. LOL. And the title well that says it all.**

**I have lots of plans for this fic and there will be a sequel to it as well, It is going to be different from a lot of my other fics, so I hope that you will enjoy this fic and please of course review even if it only a smilie, it all help the creative juices.**

**The prologue is on the short side but it set up the story nicely. Enough of my rambling and on with the story.**

**Prologue**

**Southampton, England- 1940 **

Meredith was stood at the docks in Southampton looking out at the ship that would take her and her sisters to America to live for the duration of the war. Meredith closed her eyes and breathed in the sea air that she was going to miss so much. Even though they lived in London, Meredith loved being by the sea, and in her imagination, she was still a child, running down the beach, in Cornwall, where they had a holiday home, and where Meredith loved it. She was snapped back to reality, when she heard her name being called over and over.

"Meredith" she heard her step-mother's Susan voice.

"Yes mum" she said turning to face her parents.

"Come here, and give me a hug, Meredith" Susan says pulling her for one, Susan had tears in her eyes. Promise me, you will look after your sisters? I love you Meredith"

"Of course I will, I am going to miss you mum" she said holding her stepmother tightly.

"Meredith if anything happens to us, promise me you will keep the girls with you!

"Mum don't talk like that" she almost begged Susan, ignore the feeling of dread that was in her stomach.

"Meredith, we are at war, and you and girls could be gone for years, depending on how long this war last, and you will be an adult in less than a year. Please make sure the girls know how much we love them" Susan told her, with tears pouring down her face, holding her daughter close to her.

"Of course" Meredith said hearing the boarding clerk call out last boarding. "Bye mum, i am going to miss you"

"Bye love" Meredith pulls away from Susan, and her father pulls her in for a hug, has Susan holds her daughters close.

"I love you daddy" Meredith murmurs to her father, not feeling strong at this moment.

"I love you too, Meredith, just remember you only need to stay with the Shepherd's for a year until your eighteen, if you don't like it there, promise me, you will take the girls with you"

"Daddy, you don't even have to ask" Thatcher pulls her in for another hug.

"I love you so much Meri, and don't forget it, I am so proud of you" Thatcher says with tears running down his cheeks.

Meredith was glad that they were travelling first class; meaning that they never needed to leave the cabin. Molly who was only six was screaming for her mummy and daddy, Meredith picked her up, and carried her onto the ship, Molly's screams broke her heart. Standing on the deck, as the ship pulled out of the harbour, Meredith placed her arm around Lexie, trying to comfort her, Meredith didn't know why, but in the pit of her stomach, she knew this would be the last time she saw her parents, has the coast of England finally disappeared on the horizon, Meredith finally took the girls to their cabin.

"Meri, where are we going?" Molly asked quietly on the way back to the cabin, once they were safely inside, she sat both Lexie and Molly on the bed.

"We are going to stay with friends of daddy's" Mer said to the girls gently, her own eyes filling with tears that matched her sisters.

"For how long, Meri?" Molly asked looking up at her big sister.

"I don't know sweetheart, but when the war is over we will return home" both the girls started crying again, Meredith laid down on the bed with them, holding the two sobbing girls, has her own tears fell, already missing her parents.


	3. Chapter 1

**Thanks for all the story alerts and even the favourite story adds, especially since we are only a Prologue in. Thanks to Katie (my_mcdreams/Rolly_21) for her help with the research on looking at the time it would take a crossing from the UK to the USA. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 1**

**Hudson River, New York- 1940**

**6 weeks later**

Meredith woke the girls up a little earlier that day, they were due to arrive in New York within the next hour, and she wanted the girls up on deck to see Ellis Island and the Statue of Liberty as they came into the New York Harbour. Meredith was so glad that this trip was over, it had been horrible… complete with a couple of scares of German u boats. Lexie had done nothing but vomit the whole trip over, and Molly hadn't stopped crying and Meredith didn't know what to do, she felt like she was climbing the walls.

They had been crossing the Atlantic for two weeks when Meredith received a telegram from the Shepherd's, telling them that they were looking forward to having them stay with them. And after 4 more weeks they had finally reached their destination. As they pulled into the New York dock, Meredith made sure that the girls had on their best clothes, knowing her father wouldn't expect anything but the best when it came to his girls and she wanted nothing more then to make him proud.

"Are you girls ready?" Meredith asked and both girls nodded. Meredith held them close to her, smoothing down Molly's hair to comfort her in the way that Susan showed her.

"Meri, we are going to stay with you? You won't leave us will you?" Molly questioned looking up at her older sister with her big wide eyes. Meredith knelt down in front of Molly and Lexie so that she was at their height and pulled them into her arms and held them close to her.

"I promise you both that no matter what happens we will always be together, I love you both so much and I am not going anywhere without you."

"I love you too Meri," Lexie told her as she wrapped her arms around her sister's neck; she missed her mummy and daddy but knew that she was safe as long as she with Meri and Mols.

"And I love you too!" Molly said.

The porter had already come and taken their cases, all that was left to do for Meredith to take the girls up on the deck. As they arrived on the deck they could see the Statue of Liberty standing on the horizon. Meredith could vaguely remember the trip to England especially seeing the green lady, but she was only 4 years old at the time. As the ship came into dock, and the passengers started to leave the ship, she could feel Lexie and Molly holding her hand in what seemed like a vice like grip, as if they were afraid to lose Meredith too.

Once on land both of the girls burst into tears and whimpered, she took them off to the side, and held them both in her arms once again. She understood how scared they were because she was terrified too but she needed to be the strong one, they needed her to be their big sister.

Meredith looked up around them, she scanned the crowd several times until her eyes settled on a couple who were slightly older than her parents, she recognized them vaguely as friends of her father's. She saw that they were holding up a banner with Grey written on it. Meredith picked Molly up and whilst continuing to hold onto Lexie's hand she walked towards the older couple.

"Mr and Mrs Shepherd, I am Meredith Grey," she said politely as she stopped in front of them.

"Meredith, look at you; you are all grown up, it is so wonderful to see you again my dear." Carolyn said giving Meredith a hug, which Meredith awkwardly returned. "You don't remember us do you?" the older woman asked her.

"Vaguely," she replied.

"I am Carolyn Shepherd and this is my husband Christopher. This must be Lexie and Molly?" she questioned, gesturing to the two girls.

"I am sorry Mr and Mrs Shepherd, the girls are taking this very hard and they are a little shy." Meredith said aware that Molly was now hiding her head in her neck and Lexie was hiding behind her legs.

"Meredith, it is Carolyn and Chris, my dear and that is totally understandable, come on… we have your luggage, you girls must be completely exhausted, it has been a long trip."

"We are…" Meredith sighed.

"It only take 45 minutes to the house, you are welcome to rest before dinner."

"That would be wonderful Mrs Shepherd the girls have not been well on the journey over so they could do with it." Meredith said following Mr Shepherd to car.

**Please Read and Review.**


	4. Chapter 2

**Thank you for reviewing, thanks to Jenny for proofing, you are a star. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 2**

**Long Island 1940**

Meredith found Carolyn was really easy to talk too, in the car on the way to the Shepherd's home on the outskirts of New York; the girls had fallen asleep in her arms.

"So Meredith, have you finished school?" Carolyn asked her.

"I have, I was due to start University in the autumn" she said sadly, which both Carolyn and Chris picked up on and they shared a look.

"Which university were you attending Meredith?" Chris asked her.

"The University of London, dad wanted me to go there, but I guess that won't be happening now" she said sadly she was looking forward to attending university she had planned to study English and biology"

"There are plenty of really good universities here, Meredith, I am sure we could look into getting you in to one" Carolyn offered, she could see in her eyes how disappointed she felt at not being able to attend college.

"Thank you Mrs Shep...Carolyn, but i don't know yet, it depends on the girls"

"Meredith, my son Derek goes to New York University and when he comes home you can ask him about it, if you want"

"I will think about it, thank you. I know dad wanted me to go to University. And thank you for having us" she said grateful to her father's old friend, for looking after them.

"Meredith, that is our pleasure, we have known your father for years" Christopher told her. "Now here we are, Meredith, this is our home, it probably at little smaller than what you are used to" he said with a smile.

"No, it's nice and we appreciate this" she said speaking for the girls as well.

"There plenty of space around the back for the girls to play" he told her, has she was waking the girls up.

Once inside the house, Carolyn showed Meredith where her room and the girl's room are, thankful that that were right next door to each other, and adjoined by a bathroom.

"Thank you" Meredith said.

"Would you like any help to get the girls settle?"Carolyn offered but wasn't surprised when Meredith turned her down.

"Thank you but we will be fine" Meredith said not wanting to impose on Carolyn Shepherd; and besides she had been looking after the girls for the last week or so.

"Meredith, if you need any help, just ask" Carolyn should see that Meredith wasn't ready to accept any help with the girls at the moment.

"I will" Meredith says with a smile, watching Carolyn leave the room, and Meredith turns to see Lexie and Molly looking up at her, with her big eyes.

"Meri, we scared" Molly said clinging onto Meredith's leg.

"I know, but they seem nice"

"I want my mummy" Molly says crying, and Meredith sits on the floor and pulled Molly onto her lap.

"Mols, listen to me, mummy wants you safe, and it just isn't safe in London anymore. You are a brave girl, so let's know everyone how brave you are"

Carolyn walked into the kitchen, to see Christopher standing at the stove, she walked over to him, and he leant down and kissed her.

"I thought you would be upstairs helping the girls to settle in" Chris said to her, surprised to see his wife standing there.

"I offered, but Meredith said that she got it under control" Carolyn said offering her husband a small smile.

"She is very independent isn't she?" Chris exclaimed!

"And stubborn, just like her mother was"

"I am sure Ellis would love to hear that" Chris said to her, Carolyn smiled but changed the subject.

"I hope that once her and the girl's are settled in, Meredith will relax, and let us help her with Lexie and Molly" Carolyn told him, she wanted to help Meredith but knew how reluctant she was to except it.

"They are young Carolyn, and scared, you saw how they clung to Meredith, when they got off the ship, let's give them a chance to settle in, and besides Meredith is all Molly and Lexie knows" he said. " Let's give them a couple of days and Kathleen and Nancy are bring the children over on Wednesday so they will have other children to play with, and they should adapt much easier" Chris told his wife and pulling her closer to him so he could hold her.

"That's a good idea, no wonder I love you so much"

"I love you too, shall we get dinner started" Carolyn nodded her head and went to help Chris. They stood in the kitchen, Carolyn noticed on the calendar it says that Derek was home for college that weekend.

"Derek's coming home at the weekend and I completely forgot" Carolyn said horrified.

"It has been an eventful few weeks"

"Has Derek said anything about bringing his girlfriend home?"

"I believe that he said she would be joining us at the summer house" Chris told her, they spent the whole of August in the Hamptons.

"It would be good for Meredith to have someone roughly her own age around" she told her husband.

"Derek is still a good two years older than her"

"Yeah I know that Chris, but Amy is a lot younger than Meredith" Carolyn said moving around her husband.

"Carolyn, I hope you aren't planning on doing any matchmaking Isabelle sounds very nice"

"Who me?" she said biting back a grin, she couldn't help but think that Meredith would be perfect for her son.

"Yes, we barely know Meredith and beside Derek is talking about asking Isabelle to marry him"

"What?" she asked stunned, it was the first time she had heard about this.

"Carolyn, he loves her and Derek is happy that is the main thing, please. Meredith is a beautiful girl, and there will be plenty of men asking for dates...give her the chance to choose before you play matchmaker" Chris pleaded with her, but he knew how stubborn his wife was, when she got something in her head.

"Well it's the Nance's ball next weekend, maybe we should take Meredith with us" Carolyn said.

"Carolyn, we can't Ellis will be there and beside it is not fair on Meredith, she should know first about her mother"

"I promise Thatcher that I wouldn't say anything about Ellis" Carolyn told him.

"And you think taking Meredith to the ball is a good idea? She looks just like her mother Carolyn; there is no way that Ellis won't recognise her"

"Okay I get it Christopher. I just don't feel comfortable leaving them here by themselves in a strange place" Chris walked up behind his wife and wrapped his arms around his wife's waist.

"They won't be, Kathleen is coming over to keep the girls company since she can't go. Let's finish dinner. I am sure the girls are hungry" he said giving her quick kiss on the head.

**Hoped you enjoyed. Derek does not make an appearance yet but soon. I need to set up the background of Meredith and her relationship with her sisters first. Please R & R.**


	5. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**Two days later**

Dinner in the Shepherd household was often a very loud affair especially after Kathleen and Nancy had arrived, they had five children between them plus their husbands but this evening would just be Kathleen and Nancy on their own, they remembered a very young Meredith from before she moved to England.

"Ma, Dad" Kathleen called out.

"In the kitchen Kath," they heard their father call, and walking into the kitchen they were surprised to see their mother and father alone.

"Hey Ma" Kathleen said giving her mother a hug while Nancy greeted their father in the same fashion.

"Where are they?" Nancy asked her mother.

"We haven't called them down yet. The girls are rather shy and Meredith is rather protective over them."

"Well she will have to get used it," Nancy said ...

"Nancy Elaine Shanks, that is enough." Carolyn admonished her daughter before leaving the kitchen to go and call Meredith, Molly and Lexie. She gently knocked on their door before letting herself into what was their bedroom; she made sure that Molly and Lexie's bedroom was adjoined by a bathroom to Meredith's room, so they knew where their sister was.

"Hello Mrs Shepherd." Meredith greeted from the bed, where she was laying with the girls on either side of her, she was reading Lexie a story and Molly asleep.

"Dinner will be ready in about 30 minutes Meredith; you might want to get the girls ready." Carolyn told her.

"I will thank you Mrs Shepherd."

"It's Carolyn, Meredith."

"Sorry, C...C...Carolyn." Meredith stuttered out with a little difficultly, she had always been taught to respect her elders; which included calling them by their last names, but it wasn't the first time Mrs Shepherd had asked her to call her by her first name. So she would make more of a conscious effort to remember in the future. Carolyn nodded to Meredith, knowing that Meredith would sort them out but she paused at the door, before turning back to her charges.

"Are you sure you don't want any help Meredith?" she asked her, just wishing that Meredith would accept her help.

"I will be fine...Mrs Shep...Carolyn," she told Carolyn.

"Alright Meredith, see you soon," she said closing the door behind her. Meredith watched as Carolyn left the room, and gently woke Molly up.

"Mummy," Molly murmured sleepily, forgetting for a moment where she was, until she saw that she was curled up into Meredith and then she burst into tears. "I want mummy!" Meredith held her close, noticing that Lexie was staring at her.

"Lexie, go and freshen yourself up whilst I talk to Molly?"

"Yes, Meredith," she said, walking into the bathroom and leaving Meredith and Lexie alone. Meredith held her sister until the sobs quietened down. "Mols, we will see mummy and daddy soon, I promise," she told her sister, Molly was finding it the hardest to adapt to not having her parents around.

"Mummy, daddy!" She shouted out pulling herself away from Meredith and ran over to the door and began to pound on it. "Mummy, daddy!" she continued to cry out as she continued to bang on the door with her tiny fists. Meredith grabbed her, and sat down with Molly on her lap. Meredith wasn't surprised when she heard a knock on the door and Carolyn walked through.

"Meredith, is everything alright?"

"I'm sorry she woke up and forgot where we were."

"Mer," they heard Lexie say quietly behind Meredith, Meredith turns to look at her sister and held her hand out, Lexie took it.

"Lex, I want you to go downstairs with Mrs Shepherd, whilst I see to Molly. Can you do that for me?"

"I want to stay with you." Lexie said, tears springing to her eyes.

"Alexandra, please? Carolyn will look after you, I need to sort out your sister and I will be down in ten minutes," she promised as she brushed her long dark hair out of her face.

"Okay," she quietly agreed, taking Mrs Shepherd outstretched hand. Carolyn then bent down to Lexie's height.

"Alexandra, I promise you will be safe, some of my children are downstairs, with their children who are a little younger than you, and Meredith will be down soon. Will you come with me?" She asked her, seeing how scared she was to leave Meredith, Lexie nodded and gave Carolyn a small smile, before looking back at Meredith who smiled at her before she followed Carolyn out of the room.

MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD

Lexie held Carolyn's hand as they walked downstairs. Once they reached the kitchen Lexie suddenly froze behind Carolyn, she was terrified about seeing all the strangers. She was not allowed to talk to strangers, her parents had continuously told her that ever since she was small. Carolyn felt her freeze behind her, and turned to look at the small terrified girl behind her and got down once again to her height.

"Alexandra, there is no need to be scared, they are my children," she gently tried to reassure her. "You are a brave little girl Alexandra," she told her as she smoothed her black hair off her face in a similar way in which she had seen Meredith do just a few moments earlier. Lexie shook her head.

"I want my mummy," she said quietly, no longer feeling the need to be brave for her little sister or not wanting to worry Meri, before she burst out into tears. Carolyn wrapped her arms around Lexie knowing that she needed this; she just hoped that the girl upstairs who seemed to be holding it together only too well would also turn to her when she finally broke.

"I know you do, and you are always going to miss her and your daddy whilst you are staying here with us, but they wanted you to be safe, so they sent you here to us, where they knew you would be well cared for Alexandra."

"Lexie…" she said sobbing into Carolyn shoulder.

"Excuse me?"

"Everyone calls me Lexie, not Alexandra," she told Carolyn with a small smile as her sobs subsided and she wiped away the remaining tears on her face.

"Okay Lexie, you ready to meet everyone?"

"I'm scared, Mrs Shepherd."

"If I am to call you Lexie, than you have to call me Carolyn."

"I can't...daddy would be mad, it is...impolite"

"It isn't impolite when someone asks you to call them by their first name Lexie; or should I start calling you Alexandra again?" she said to her with a small smile.

"No, I hate it."

"And I hate being called Mrs Shepherd, it makes me feel old."

"Okay." Lexie giggled.

"What are going to call me?"

"Carolyn," she said smiling broadly, proud that she had called her correctly.

"That's a good girl, you can hold on to my hand but I don't want you hiding behind my legs, okay Lexie"

"Yes Carolyn." she answered, retaking her hand and following her into the kitchen.

MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD

Back upstairs, Meredith held Molly close to her, letting her cry into her chest, just holding her. Molly was much more sensitive then Lexie, and she knew that Molly would find it harder than Lexie, being away from their parents.

"Meri, I miss mommy and daddy."

"I know you do, we all do."

"Why did mummy and daddy leave us?"

"Molly, mummy and daddy love us very much and because of that they wanted us to be safe."

"What if we never see mummy and daddy again?" she sobbed out, causing Meredith's heart to thump in her chest; she had a feeling that she would never see her parents again, but she couldn't tell her sisters that.

"I don't know Mols but I know that mummy and daddy love us very much and they will want to see us again." she tried to reassure her without properly answering her question, her hand caressing her light brown hair at the same time, almost with a mother's touch.

"I'm sorry Meredith...I want to be brave," she sobbed out.

"You are brave Molly and you will adapt to this, it just takes time."

"Please don't leave me Meri…"

"I promise I am not going anywhere Molly...you and Lexie are stuck with me."

"I love you Meredith," she said burying her head once again into her chest.

"I love you too Molly... Shall we join your sister down stairs for dinner?"

"Can I sit next to you please Meredith?"

"I am sure that will be fine, Molly. Why don't you go and freshen up, wash your face and then we will go for dinner."

"Yes," she said going into the bathroom, without any further argument which surprised Meredith because on the ship during their journey over to America; she had, had to practically drag Molly kicking and screaming to the bathroom of their cabin.


	6. Chapter 4

**A/N Thanks to everyone who have add this to story alerts/favourite stories. No Reviews for the last chapter :( I hate asking for them but one would be nice; but then I would never leave a story unfinished. The italics is a flashback; Derek will appears in two chapter's time, there is a lot of backstory that I need to develop ! Thanks to Jill for proofing this chapter.**

**Chapter 4**

Meredith came downstairs with a subdued Molly about 15 minutes later; Carolyn got up and greeted Meredith.

"Is everything sorted, Meredith?"

"Yes, I believe so"

"Good, I have placed you in the middle of the table with Molly and Lexie on either side so that they will both have you near"

"Thank you"

"Meredith, let me introduce you to my daughters Kathleen and Nancy"

"Nice to meet you both" she said, holding out her hand to shake theirs.

"Mom and daddy have been looking forward to having you here, Meredith. Please call me Kathy. And these are my children Jacob, Sarah and Lily and that is Nancy with her two boys Charles and Robert"

"Sit down Meredith" Carolyn told her, and she sat Molly in the spare seat before sitting down in between the two girls. Meredith gave Lexie a kiss on the head whilst she held onto Molly's hand.

"How was the trip over Meredith?" Kathleen asked her.

"It wasn't the easiest trip over, we had a couple of scares with u boats, and Lexie was ill the whole way over"

"How are you coping?"

"I am fine, just trying to get the girls settled in"

"What about you?" Kathleen asked her.

"I will be fine, as long the girls are. This is really nice Mrs Shep...Sorry Carolyn"

"I am glad you like it"

"Amelia, Olivia you are quiet tonight? Kathleen said to her sister. "You two are normally right talkers"

"They have been like this for the last two days" Chris told his daughter.

"They are just getting use to the changes Chris; they need time to adapt just like Meredith and the girls.

"I know that Carolyn, it just that I am not used to them being so quiet"

"Dad, they will be fine when Derek comes home for the weekend" Nancy said. "You know how much they adore their big brother"

"Will you be coming over on Sunday for dinner?"

"Yes ma, I haven't seen Derek in a couple of months. Is he bringing Isabelle with him?" Kathleen asked, hoping that Nancy will keep her mouth shut, but knew that was unlikely.

"No, not this time. He said that he was going to bring her to the house for a week in the summer"

"It will be nice to finally meet her, I thought it was a bit odd that they have been courting for the past two years and we have never met her" Nancy said, Kathy groaned internally.

"That is Derek's choice Nancy" Chris told her.

"Dad it is like he is ashamed of us" Nancy said,

"You know it not like that Nancy, Derek just wanted to make sure that it is serious"

"Two years dad, obviously it serious"

"That's enough Nancy"

"Fine" she said in a huff.

"This is supposed to be a dinner to welcome Meredith, Lexie and Molly, you can take this up with Derek over the weekend if you really want to Nancy but I hope that you don't," Carolyn told her daughter.

"Oh, I will Ma" Nancy said in no uncertain tone. Carolyn changed the subject knowing what her daughter was like, once she got started. Turning back to Meredith, she asked.

"Have you thought anymore about starting college Meredith?"

"Not yet, Carolyn, I want to get the girls settled into school before I decide what I want to do"

"If you like I can help you with that after the weekend Meredith" Carolyn offered, Meredith wanted to say no, that she could do it herself, but knowing that she knew nothing about American schools, she realised that she would require some help.

"That would be helpful Carolyn, I have no idea what to look for… if you don't mind that is?"

"I want to Meredith" she said, thankful that Meredith had finally agreed to her help.

"Thank you"

"Once we have done that, we could look at colleges for you, I know your father wanted you to continue with your studies"

"Maybe..."

"We don't have much time Meredith, the school year starts in 4 months"

"Yes" Meredith simply said, looking down at her food, until she heard Molly talking to her. "Yes Molly"

"I have finished Meri"

"You have hardly eaten anything, Molly"

"I am not hungry"

"Molly, you need to eat"

"No" she said tearfully. Meredith pushed some food around on Molly's plate, depositing a little of everything in front of her.

"Please, just eat this Mols, it isn't much"

"No, I don't want too" she shouted at Meredith, and left the table.

"Molly Emily Grey, come back here. You do not leave the table without permission" she called after her sister, who ignored her. Looking around at the Shepherd's she could feel herself getting red. "I am so sorry Mrs Shepherd. Can I be excused?"

"Its fine Meredith, go and see to your sister"

"Thank you" Meredith replied as she turned around to Lexie.

"Are you alright to finish dinner?"

"Yes Meredith"

"Good" she said, dropping a kiss on her head before leaving the dining room to see to Molly.

MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD

Meredith followed Molly upstairs after tantrum, with the intention of telling her off but she changed her mind at the scene that was greeted too when she walked into her bedroom. Molly was curled up on the middle of the bed, shaking with sobs. It broke her heart to see Molly in so much distress she just held her until she cried herself to sleep.

After dinner Kathleen came up the stairs with Lexie , who ran to her sisters on the bed and cuddled into her them. Kathy watched them all for a moment, feeling sorry for them, knowing how hard it must be for them all. She could see that they were exhausted; it had to have been a long few days for all of them.

Meredith knew that Kathy was watching them but she couldn't find it in herself to care; she was so worried about Molly who seemed to be determined not to adapt; she knew that she missed her parents but so did Meredith and she could admit to herself that she was ready to collapse. She couldn't stop worrying about the girls and despite Carolyn's offers to help her with the girls she insisted that she could handle it, she was their older sister, the one they looked up to and she could do this, look after them they were her responsibility. Watching the girls as they settled down and fell asleep, she remembered the talk the father gave her when she was informed that they were being sent to America.

"_Meredith" Thatcher said as she walked into his office._

"_Daddy, you wanted to see me?"_

"_Yes Meredith, please close the door behind you?" he told her, knowing that what he wanted to discuss with Meredith he did not wanted his youngest daughters to hear._

"_What is it daddy?" Meredith asked him._

"_Meredith; I want you to promise me that if anything happens to me or your mother..."_

"_Daddy nothing is going to happen to you...please don't talk like that?" Meredith interrupted him._

"_If it does Meredith I want you to promise me that you will keep your sisters together"_

"_Daddy"_

"_Please Meredith, promise me?"_

"_I promise daddy" she told him; walking around the other side of his desk and hugged him._

"_I do love you Meredith...so much" he told her, fully aware that he had kept his distance from his eldest daughter, simply because she reminded him of her mother._

"_I love you too daddy" she told him._

"_Please look after your sisters...no matter what happens"_

"_I promise daddy, Alexandra and Molly are my priority"_

"_You are the best Meredith I mean that...please don't forget that" he whispered to her._

"_What brought this on, daddy?"she asked him._

"_Your mother and I are sending you, Lexie and Molly to America"_

"_Why?"_

"_You will be safer there"_

"_What about you and mum?"_

"_We will be here waiting for you once this war is over"_

"_Daddy I don't want to leave you" she cried out to him, wrapping her arms around his neck again._

"_I don't want any of you to go but I want you girls safe. Do you remember the Shepherds, in New York?"_

"_Vaguely daddy"_

"_Well you and the girls will be staying them, let Carolyn and Christopher help you Meredith, I know how stubborn and protective you can be. I don't want you to look after the girls on your own, promise me?"_

"_Promise daddy" Meredith said, knowing that it was likely that it was one promise that she wouldn't be able to keep._

"_I also want you to go to university whilst you are over there, just as you wouldn't have been if you stayed here in London"_

"_I don't know daddy"_

"_Carolyn will help you, now I need to book you all a ticket to go to America so I will be out all afternoon, don't say anything to the girls yet, me and your mother will tell them when we are ready"_

"_Yes daddy"_

"_Good, well you know what to do if the air raid siren goes off"_

"_Of course daddy"_

"_I love you"_

"_I love you too"_


	7. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**A/N This chapter covers about a week and it also has the first appearance of Derek Shepherd, but Meredith is dealing with something more important so they will meet, but this chapter will show that Meredith isn't coping as well as people think she is. The question is will she accept the help that she so obviously needs. And the help may come from a very unsuspecting source. And thanks to Kate for her help with this and to Jenny to helps me with ideas when I am a little stuck. Enjoy!**

It had been five days since they had arrived in New York, Lexie had began to adapt and Meredith was relieved. Lexie had started playing with Kathleen's eldest daughter Sarah but Molly was still finding it difficult and Meredith just didn't know what to do to help her, although she had to remind herself that it had only been 7 weeks since they had left England. She got herself up and noticed that neither of the girls were in bed with her, they still hadn't slept in their own room yet but she didn't mind; she wasn't ready to let them go just yet, she slept much better knowing that the girls were close to her, but she also knew that she needed to encourage them to mix, especially Molly.

"Lexie, Molly" she called her sister's names.

"In here," Lexie called out from the bathroom. Meredith walked in to find Molly over the toilet vomiting, Meredith instantly rushed over to Molly's side. "How long has she been like this for?" Meredith asked Lexie, as she ran her hand soothingly over her sister's hair.

"Since about 7 o clock."

"It is now 8. You should have woken me Alexandra," she told her sister, not meaning to sound so harsh.

"Meri, you needed sleep, I can do it." Lexie told her, she knew that Meredith hadn't been taking care of herself.

"In future you wake me, understood?" Meredith told Lexie in no uncertain terms.

"Yes Meredith." Lexie said looking down to the floor; Meredith noticed that Molly had a temperature.

"Meredith I don't feel well, my head hurts." Molly whimpered quietly with tears running down her face.

"I know Molly, I am going to get you sorted," she told her as she held back her hair. "When was the last time she vomited, Lexie?" she asked her sister.

"About 15 minutes ago."

"Okay, I am going to get her laid back in bed, and I want you to watch her while I go and get a damp cloth to help to bring her temperature down."

"Okay Meredith." Lexie answered, not wanting to argue with her older sister. She watched as Meredith carried Molly to her bed, and gently laid her down, kissing the top of her head, before she turned back to face her.

"I want you to stay by her side, Lexie until I get back," she told her sternly and Lexie simply nodded.

Once Meredith left the bedroom she could feel the tears forming in her eyes, she prayed that this was nothing. Molly couldn't be ill, she would have to be okay, and there was no other choice.

MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD

It had been two days since Molly had fallen ill and Meredith was so worried, she was glad that Carolyn had called the family doctor yesterday, and she now knew what was wrong with Molly, it was scarlet fever. She hadn't slept in two days and she was exhausted but she wasn't about to leave her sister with anyone else. Lexie was downstairs with Carolyn and she had been since the day before, she hoped that Lexie didn't come down with the disease. Meredith watched Molly as she stirred in her sleep, she was only covered with a light blanket, her fever was still up. She had noticed that it had gone down slightly since she started the pencillin yesterday, she just wanted her sister to get better and to get some sleep herself.

"Mummy, Mummy…" Molly murmured in her sleep, breaking Meredith's heart that she wasn't Susan.

"Sshhh, it is me Molly," she whispered, stroking her hair.

"Meri," she sobbed out.

"You are getting better, sweetheart."

"My throat hurts," she moaned groggily.

"I know it does sweetheart," she said, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"Please don't leave me, Meri?" she begged her, her little hand grabbing hold of her nightdress.

"I am staying right here Molly" she told her, climbing onto the bed next to Molly, her arms automatically holding her before she closed her eyes and let herself succumb to sleep for the first time in two days.

MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD

"Meredith," she heard Carolyn call out from behind her, she turned to face her and was shocked to see a young gentleman with unruly brown curly hair and deep set blue eyes. If she wasn't so exhausted she wouldn't have missed the flutter that appeared in her stomach as his eyes met hers.

"Meredith, my son Derek" Carolyn said introducing them as she took in Meredith's tired and stressful appearance.

"Nice to meet you Derek, but I must get back up to Molly," she said.

"And you Meredith," he said with a smile and despite her dishevelled appearance, he couldn't deny that she was gorgeous and that he was attracted to her, despite the fact that they never knew each other.

"Meredith you look exhausted, I can sit with her if you want?" Carolyn offered, wanting Meredith to take her up on the offer.

"Thank you Carolyn," Meredith replied totally missing the fact that Derek hadn't taken his eyes off of her since he entered the kitchen. "I am fine, she is getting so much better, and the pencillin is really helping her," she said.

"Meredith, you need to rest."

"I know and I will rest when Molly is better. She still has her rash; once that has gone down. Please can I go back to her?" she asked, getting more and more worried every second she was away from Molly. Carolyn looked at her and could see the terrified look on her face, that was when she realised for the first time since they had arrived in America, that Meredith wasn't coping as well has she had them believing. But she also knew that until she broke there was nothing she could do to help, she simply nodded, and watched as Meredith left the kitchen.

MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD

Molly was getting better but Meredith still refused to leave her side, it had been four days since her encounter with Carolyn and her son in the kitchen, but she knew that Molly was climbing the walls being couped up in their bedroom.

"Meri, where is Lex?" Molly asked her sister.

"She is downstairs with the Shepherds," Meredith answered her stroking her hair.

"Can I go and play with them, please?" she asked her, Meredith couldn't say no to her since the rash had cleared up and the pencillin that the doctor gave her had worked. The doctor had also confirmed the day before that she was no longer contagious.

"Okay, but if you get tired Molly, you must tell me," she told her. She didn't want Molly tiring herself out too much.

"I will Meri," she excitedly said with a huge smile and it was the first smile that Meredith had seen from her since before they left England. "I want you to wrap up nice and warm," she told her before Molly jumped off the bed and ran into the bathroom. She was so relieved that Molly had so much energy because for a while there she was afraid that she might lose her sister and she couldn't face that.

Meredith found herself downstairs with all of the Shepherd's whilst Lexie and Molly were out playing. She couldn't help but watch Molly outside playing, not wanting her to overdo it.

"Meredith...she will be fine," Carolyn said, trying to reassure her as she placed a hand on her shoulder, wishing that Meredith wouldn't distance herself from everyone except for the girls. Carolyn couldn't help but notice that Kathleen and Nancy were watching them. Carolyn watched as Molly fell to the ground, she felt Meredith tense up underneath her hand and she knew that Meredith wanted to run out to her, but her hand on her shoulder stopped her.

"Meredith...wait."

"I...cannot…" Meredith began but was interrupted by Carolyn.

"Meredith, she is a child and she will fall and hurt herself."

"She isn't strong enough for this." Meredith said closing her eyes.

"Meredith...look at her." Carolyn whispered to her in her ear and she shook her head, running out of her hold and out to the yard where they were playing. Carolyn watched Meredith as she picked Molly up off of the grass and carried her into the house. They could all hear Molly screaming.

"Meri...no!"

"Molly...stop."

"NO..I HATE YOU!" Molly screamed at Meredith as she began to kick her little legs against her forcing her to have to put Molly down onto the floor.

"You have been ill."

"NO!"

"Molly…"

"YOU ARE NOT MY MUMMY!" Molly screamed at Meredith, before running up the stairs. Carolyn and Nancy were already in the hallway just as Molly ran upstairs, they found Meredith on the floor behind the front door, with her head buried in her hands.

"Meredith," Carolyn bended down to her and tried to rest her hand on Meredith shoulder, Meredith shook her off and ran into the kitchen. Carolyn went to follow her, but Nancy stopped her.

"I will go mom."

"Nance?"

"I know mom," she said following Meredith into the kitchen. A she entered she could hear her sobs from the pantry and she felt sorry for her, knowing how much she cared and loved her sisters. Nancy opened the door to see Meredith curled up in the corner of the pantry.

"Go away…" Meredith murmured and she looked up and was surprised to see Nancy standing there.


	8. Chapter 6

**The second part of the previous chapter. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 6**

Nancy wrapped her arm around the sobbing girl's shoulder, letting her rest her head against her shoulder as she cried. She had noticed how over the past week, Meredith had tried to keep it together, and although she knew her mother had realised that she wasn't coping as well as she had let on, she had allowed her to carry on and do things her way. She had argued with her mother to push her, to make her realise that she needed help but Carolyn refused.

And despite what her sisters would have said about her Nancy did have a heart, and seeing Meredith break down like she did made her feel so sorry for her, she could understand the desire to protect her sisters, because Nancy would do the exact same thing for her own siblings. Nancy could only imagine that Meredith's father had told her to look after her sisters and to take care for them. And it seemed like Meredith had taken his request to heart as she had spent the last six weeks being their sole carer, looking after them in a strange place.

"I am so sorry," she sobbed out against Nancy.

"Sshhh... It is fine," she told her.

"I can't do this anymore." Meredith said, trying to catch her breath but finding it hard to breathe.

"Do what?" Nancy asked her.

"Can...Can't...breathe," she gasped, breathing heavily and at the same time still struggling to capture her breath.

"Meredith...you need to take deep breath's."

"I...I...can't," she whimpered grabbing her chest. Nancy got right in front of Meredith, and grabbed her wrists to sit her up straight and made eye contact with her; she knew that Meredith was on the verge of a panic attack.

"You need to take slow deep breaths, Meredith." She encouraged her, breathing with her. "That's it Meredith...nice and slow," she continued to coach her through it before she ended up having a full-blown panic attack. Nancy could see that she was now even more exhausted by the time she calmed down, and she didn't hesitate to pull Meredith into her arms and hold her. "You feeling better now?" she asked her, Meredith simply nodded, all she wanted to do was to hide away from all the Shepherds, she was so embarrassed about her little breakdown out there in front of them. "Don't worry about what happened Meredith; we were expecting you to break sometime or other."

"I need to be strong...the girls need me," she said quietly.

"Yes they do need you Meredith, but you are no good to them exhausted and weak. I know that you have got used to taking care of them these past weeks, travelling all the way from England but you are not on your own here."

"I know but daddy wanted me to look after them and they were so scared," she sobbed out.

"I know they were terrified but look at Alexandra since Molly was ill and she had to come down with us, she wouldn't leave your side until you made her."

"What do you mean?" Meredith looked up at Nancy for the first time of her own accord.

"Alexandra has started to adapt to the new environment, the new people around her, because she had too, because she couldn't cling onto you and Molly. And from being a little sister, Molly will do whatever Alexandra does. Maybe you have been holding on to them too tight, Meredith, maybe it's not them clinging onto you, but maybe it is you clinging onto them?"

"I would not do that, I know they have to get used to it here, we all do."

"Meredith, you have refused to allow anybody to help for the past six weeks even when Molly was ill, and the only reason you allowed Alexandra to come down here was because you did not want her getting ill. That and the fact that Doctor Ballings would not allow her to stay in the room with you."

"They didn't want anyone else."

"Are you sure about that Meredith? Because if you allowed ma to help you with the girls straight away they would have adapted so much more quickly, and you wouldn't be so exhausted."

"I...I..."

"You know I am right Meredith." Nancy said to her, and Meredith kept looking down at her hands not willing to admit that maybe she was right. "What are you so scared of Meredith?" she asked her.

"I don't know what you mean, Nancy." Meredith said standing up and attempting to leave the storeroom, but Nancy was stood between her and the door, blocking her exit.

"Yes you do. What are you scared off Meredith? That they will forget who they are? Because that won't happen as long as you are around."

"You don't know that, Molly is so young, she will gradually forget what they looked like, and Lex…"

"You are afraid that they will forget your parents?" Nancy said looking at her, and her body language screamed that she had knocked the nail right on the head. "Oh Meredith," she said. "Nobody will let that happen, my parents won't and especially not you but there is more to it, isn't there?"

"Of course not" she shook her head.

"Meredith, you have to let us help you, you can't do this by yourself." Nancy told her, walking towards her until she felt a hand on her shoulder and she turned around surprised to see Carolyn behind her.

"Thanks Nancy but I will finish talking to Meredith now."

"Okay Ma," Nancy said glancing back at Meredith and noting that she was still facing the floor before leaving her and her mother alone.

"Meredith," Carolyn said gently sitting down next to her, when she looked up at her.

"I am so sorry," she murmured.

"For what?" Carolyn asked her.

"For pushing you away, for thinking I could do this all by myself."

"Mer..."

"I can't do this on my own Mrs Shepherd," Meredith said reverting back to her original status with Nancy.

"Yes you can Meredith. Lexie and Molly love you, no matter what Molly said today, Lexie has been trying to comfort her ever since. Maybe you will let them talk to you and I will wait outside." Carolyn told her squeezing her shoulder, Meredith nodded and watched as Carolyn left the room. She saw Molly flying quickly towards her and jumped into her lap.

"Sorry, I am sorry Meri...I love you!" Molly said burying her head into Meredith's neck, she looked over Molly's shoulder at Lexie who was stood in the doorway, Meredith smiled at her, assuring her with a wave of the hand that she was alright.

"Please forgive me Meri?" Molly asked her sister, looking up at her with those eyes of hers.

"I love you Mols!" Meredith assured her sister, and thinking back on the conversations with both Nancy and Carolyn, Meredith knew that she needed to let go of her sisters. They were right it was her own fears that held the girls back, and she told herself and silently promised her sisters that she would stop doing that.

"Lets go out and join Lexie with the Shepherd's, shall we?" Meredith said to Molly as she stood up and held out her hand, which Molly took right away. Meredith for the first time since she arrived in New York, felt like she finally belonged.


	9. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

**Here is our first purely Mer/Der chapter, I hope it lives up to what you have been waiting for. Enjoy!**

It was 5 o clock in the morning and Meredith was downstairs in the kitchen making herself a cup of tea. It had only been a few hours since her breakdown and talk with both Nancy and Carolyn, but still found that she couldn't sleep hence why she was up this early making herself a drink. Meredith was deep in thought at the kitchen table; just staring at her cup of tea; that she never heard someone walk into the kitchen.

"Oh...I didn't realise anyone was up" the voice said from behind her, causing Meredith to jump and she turned to see Derek stand behind her.

"Sorry..." she murmured getting up to leave.

"You do not have to leave Meredith" he told her.

"No, you probably came down for some alone time, I will go back up to bed" she said reaching for the kitchen door.

"Meredith..."

"What?" she said turning to face him, and meeting his eyes, and couldn't help but feel drawn into them, like he could see into the depth of her soul and that terrified her .

"Please stay?" he said, leaning against the counter

"Are you sure?" Meredith felt compelled to ask.

"Yes...Mom was so excited to have you and your sisters here. I feel like I know you Meredith" Derek told her, before turning back and pouring himself out coffee. "You can sit down you know Mer, I won't bite" he said getting a small smile out of her, but she did just that, sat down at the table and after a few minutes of silence, Derek sat down opposite her.

"Carolyn said you were studying at New York University" she said to break the not-so awkward silence that premeditated between them.

"Yes, pre-med" he told her, they sat there for a few moments in an awkward silence.

"My mother was a nurse" she said sadly staring at the cup in her hand.

"Was?" Derek asked looking over at Meredith only to notice that she adverted her eyes.

"Yes, she died when I was three" she told him, not lifting her eyes of the cup of tea in her hands.

"I'm sorry" Derek said grabbing her hand, and trying to ignore the sparks that radiated from a simple touch of their hands, a spark that ran from their fingertips into the soles of their feet until Derek pulled away.

The feelings that this girl provoked in him felt wrong but so right all at the same time. He had to remind himself that he was practically engaged and that this girl had to be like an adopted sister to him, that and he had only just met her a few days before and he didn't really know her. He loved Isabelle; there was no doubt about that; but this girl made him feel a way that he had never experienced before, he had to get out of there but at the same time he didn't want to leave her.

"Mom said you were thinking about looking into going to NYU" he said to her.

"I was supposed to go to the University of London to study English and Art in September; but obviously that will not be happening"

"If you would like Meredith, I could show you around NYU, see if you would like it" Derek offered her; he wouldn't quite put his finger on it but he wanted to spend time with her.

"That would be good i guess...but I can't leave the girls for too long" she said.

"Meredith, it would do you some good to have a break from the girls for a while, how about Monday?" he asked her.

"I don't know Derek"

"Meredith, it would do you good"

"Did your mum ask you to do this?" she asked him.

"No, she just mentioned that you were interested in going to university"

"I never said that but I guess it would be good to have a look around" she said with a small smile. "I know dad would want me to go"

"There we go then Meredith and maybe you would like to see some of New York while we are there"

"Let's start with NYU and decide afterwards"

"Okay, it is a date" Derek said before realising his slip. "I didn't mean that...I mean"

"Derek it is fine" she said giggling. Derek could see that she was relaxing for the first time since he had returned from college, and hearing her laugh or rather her giggle made him feel things that he had never felt before and was totally inappropriate.

"It takes an hour or so to get to the college so we will have to leave around 9 o clock"

"I think I can manage that, thank you Derek" she said standing up and putting her cup into the sink before turning around and facing Derek once more. "I guess I better go back to bed for a while before the girls get up. Thanks for the talk Derek" she said giving him a smile, Derek reached out and grabbed her arm, effectively pulling her back to him.

"See you later, Meredith" he said, before letting her go and watched has she walked out of the kitchen.

Derek went back to bed himself but he couldn't stop thinking about Meredith, and his own reactions to her. He had never felt his body respond that way to anyone before, not even with Isabelle who had told him two years before that she wouldn't sleep with anyone until her wedding night and Meredith; it was no good thinking about her like that because it would never happen anyway..


	10. Chapter 8 MerDer in New York Pt 1

**Thanks for adding this to story alerts. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 8- Meredith and Derek in New York Part 1**

Meredith spent the entire weekend looking forward to Monday, although she didn't feel quite comfortable leaving the girls. It would be the first time that she would have left them alone with other people whilst she wasn't there. She knew that they would be safe with Carolyn and the girls assured her that they would behave themselves. Lexie seemed to almost push her out the door.

Derek looked over at Meredith, and saw that she was deep in thought; he knew that she was a little nervous about leaving Lexie and Molly, and he was grateful to Lexie for making her go.

"Meredith..." he said but she didn't respond. "Meredith," he said a little louder, and this time Meredith turned to face him.

"Sorry..."

"The girls will be fine with my mom and sisters," he told her.

"How did you know I..."

"Well it wasn't exactly hard to deduct," he said with a smile, letting her know that he was teasing her.

"I guess not."

"You need a break Meredith and I am under strict orders not to bring you home until dinner time, so after NYU I thought that we could go out for lunch and afterwards I will show you the sights."

"Fine," she said pouting, causing Derek to laugh. "What is so funny?" She demanded.

"You...stop acting like a child, I happen to agree with ma and dad. And as I am your ride for the day, I am afraid that you really don't have much of a choice in the matter." He told her, ignoring the way his heart sped up beating at the thought of being alone with her all day.

"How long until we arrive?" She asked after a few minutes of awkward silence, during which Meredith every so often had glanced over at Derek before looking back out of the window, not realising that Derek kept doing the same thing.

Meredith had courted before but she had never experienced the feelings that she had for Derek; and it scared her because there was no way anything was going to happen between them. Derek already had a girlfriend and she would eventually be returning to England, but a part of her wanted to feel his lips on her's own, to feel his muscular body pressed against hers. Which shocked her because she had never kissed anyone before; only held hands.

"We will be arriving soon," he responded, unable to take his eyes off of her, he knew that he needed to get immune to her and fast. Isabelle would be arriving in just under a week and he didn't want her getting any ideas; she was his girlfriend.

He was waiting to bump into Mark; and he was surprised that he hadn't turned up at the house anytime in the past week. Mark was his brother and the fact that he hadn't had to keep him away from the house, which was like a second home to him, was a little odd. He didn't want Mark to set his sights on Meredith; he couldn't quite identify why, after all he had only known her for a few days and he already had a girlfriend. But he was aware that he felt things for her, he had feelings for her that he never even had for Isabelle. The thing that he found most strange was that just simply after a few conversions he couldn't imagine his life without her in it and that scared him. Ten minutes later, Derek was pulling into the NYU campus parking lot, and he noticed that Meredith had fallen asleep during the past ten minutes; he hated waking her but knew that he must.

"Meredith," he called gently shaking her shoulder causing her to jump. "Sorry I did not mean to scare you."

"It's fine, sorry I did not mean to fall asleep. I must have been more tired than I realised."

"Well at least you didn't blame it on my company so you are forgiven," Derek smiled at her causing her to slightly blush. "We are here now," he told her, continuing to smile at her before he climbed out of the car and opened the passenger side door for her. Pressing his hand against the small of her back, and ignoring how right it felt to be resting there; he guided her to the main hall of the university.

MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD

Several hours had passed and Meredith had, had a private tour around NYU that most prospective students would never receive. They were sat having lunch in the canteen when another man, with dark hair, whom she couldn't deny was attractive but he was no where near as attractive as the man sat across from her.

"Shep," the man said walking up to them and sat down on the table.

"Sloan," Derek responded, before looking across at Meredith who was sat staring wide-eyed opposite him. "Meredith, this loser is Mark Sloan, Mark this is Meredith." He made the introductions.

"Ah Meredith..." he proclaimed with a smirk, and Derek clenched his jaw when he noticed Mark looking at her like she was a piece of meat.

"Mark," he said in a warning tone.

"Sorry man," Mark responded to Derek before turning to Meredith. "So Meredith, what did Derek promise you to make you come to NYU?"

"Meredith might be looking to apply next year, so Ma asked me to show her around the college to help to make up her mind."

"So you think you may come here Meredith?" Mark asked her, giving her once again a quick glance over.

"I am thinking about it," she said quietly, she knew Mark had been looking her over but it wasn't his eyes that she wanted on her.

"Derek, are you up for the party at the Burgh's this evening?" Mark questioned, losing interest in Meredith, when he noticed that she wasn't swooning all over him. He wasn't used to women not immediately noticing him, but he could see that she was interested in Derek. He decided to let the knowledge go for now, he would tease Derek relentlessly about it later.

"Not this time Mark, we are heading into the city after lunch. Thought I would show Meredith the sights."

"I guess I will just have to invite Alex and Jackson."

"Yeah you do that." Derek told him.

"It was nice to meet you Meredith, Shep tell Ma I will be over the weekend." Mark said as he stood up from the table.

"Nice to meet you too Mark," Meredith replied, faking a smile. She couldn't help but wonder how Derek could be friend's with someone like Mark, as he walked away.

"He is not all bad, he does have his moments." Derek told her, he automatically knew just what Meredith was thinking.

"What? How did you..."

"I could see it written all over your face and it's fine. Once you get to know Mark and you will like him, my mother views him as a second son so he will be around a lot. We ought to head into the city."

"Yes, that would be nice."

"Good," he said as he stood up. Derek reached over for her tray and picked it up to get rid of it.

"I can do it myself Derek," Meredith told him. Standing up she grabbed the tray off of the table and walked off to discard her tray, leaving Derek standing there staring after her. Meredith looked back at him, to see him staring at her. "You coming or not?" She called back to him, pulling Derek out of his stupor and he then followed after her out of the canteen.

**Please Read and Review :-)**


	11. Chapter 9 Ellis

**Thanks to Jenny for proofing as well, love ya hun. Sorry no Mer/Der in this update but this chapter is important and also not originally part of the plan so it is an extra chapter. Thank you for adding this story to story alerts :) Enjoy!**

**Chapter 9- Ellis**

Carolyn heard the front door slam and thinking it was one the girls; she went to shout until she saw Chris rush into the kitchen.

"Chris; what it is?" she asked him startled, thinking it was one of the children.

"Guess who is back in town?"

"Who?" Carolyn asked him with a confused look.

"Someone we thought wouldn't be moving back" Chris told her and knew that she had no idea who he was talking about.

"Chris. Who?"

"Ellis!"

"Ellis, as in...Meredith's mother?" Carolyn said her eyes widening.

"Yes"

"Oh god" she said, going to sit down on the chair in front of her. "Maybe she is back for a visit; Max does have an office in the city"

"I spoke to her Carolyn, and she told me that she and Max was moving back to Long Island" he told her, noticing her face paling.

"Chris...What are we suppose to tell Meredith? She thinks Ellis is dead"

"I don't know but we should consider letting Thatcher know, he only agreed with letting Meredith stay here because she wasn't living here" Chris tells her and Carolyn shakes her head.

"Let's think about this before we make any rash decisions" Carolyn tells her husband.

"Where is Meredith? He asked.

"She has gone into New York with Derek; they won't be back until dinner time"

"Good... Ellis said that she would visit this afternoon"

"Chris...?"

"What am I suppose to say to her Carolyn?"

"How about no?"

"And what would I give her for a reason?" he asked his wife.

"I do not know but you could have thought of something"

"It is too late Carolyn, Ellis will arrive at 1 o clock" Chris told her, walking out of the kitchen.

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Carolyn was pacing the length of the kitchen has she heard the door bell chime. She wanted to strangle Chris for allowing Ellis to come over but then she was supposedly one of Ellis closest friends. She felt guilty because she as the one that Ellis confided in when she left Thatcher and she knew how painful it was for Ellis to be away from her daughter. When Ellis confided in her about affair she was having; Carolyn warned her that if Thatcher discovered the affair than she would probably lose Meredith but Ellis didn't want to believe that Thatcher would do that. Carolyn wasn't surprised when he moved to England; taking Meredith with him .

"Carol" she heard Ellis greet her from the doorway.

"You look well Ellis" Carolyn told her, letting Ellis pull her in for a hug.

"As do you Carolyn"

"Would you like a cup of tea Ellis?" Chris offered her.

"That would be lovely, thank you Chris" Ellis said, has Carolyn lead her into the drawing room; not noticing Carolyn shaking her head back to her husband.

"So; Ellis, what brought you back to Long Island?" she asked as Ellis sat down.

"Max decided to move back here to be closer to his son; so I didn't have much choice"

"What is his son doing?"

"Alex is training to be a doctor at NYU"

"My son Derek is also at NYU, he probably knows him" Carolyn said, filing it so she remembered to ask him later.

"Maybe" Ellis said; has Chris walking into the room with a tray of tea.

"Thank you honey" Carolyn said, Chris just smiled knowing not to interrupt girl talk.

"I bet it is hard having Derek living away?" Ellis asked.

"It is hard; but this is what Derek has always wanted to do"

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Lexie ran in from where she, Molly and Olivia were playing outside; she was relieved that Meredith had gone out for the day, she knew how much her sister needed the break away from her and Molly. Before coming to America; Meredith would always be out with her school friends and she thought Meredith needed a friend.

She was really thirsty and really needed a drink; she opened the fridge to find that she couldn't reach the orange juice on the top shelf. She looked back around for Mr or Mrs Shepherd, usually one of them was in the kitchen but she couldn't see anyone. She wondered into the hallway to hear two voices from one of the rooms, she knew one was Mrs Shepherd but she didn't recognise the other lady. Lexie went to knock on the door, until she heard Meredith's name mentioned.

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"I wonder what Meredith is doing now" Ellis said, surprising Carolyn.

"Meredith?"

"You remember my daughter Meredith, Carolyn?"

"Of course I do but I haven't heard you mention her in a long time" Carolyn said.

"I miss her Carolyn and with the war in Europe on, I can't help but worry about her; if she is still alive" Ellis told her, Carolyn was surprised to hear that Ellis had thought about Meredith at all. Carolyn couldn't help but worry that Ellis would find out that Meredith was living with her.

"Ellis, she is fine. Thatcher and Susan won't let anything happen to her. You can believe me when I say that she is safe" Carolyn hated lying to her, but she also was aware that Meredith was told that she had died.

"You know something, don't you?"

"I know she is safe, I can't tell you anymore, I wish I could but Susan loves Meredith has if she is her own daughter, not just a step daughter"

"I am thinking when the war is over in Europe, I might travel to London" she said surprising Carolyn even more.

"Ellis, do you really want to disrupt her life? You don't know what Thatcher has told her" Carolyn told her, she knew what a shock it would be for Meredith to discover that her father and stepmother had lied to her and she wasn't sure if Meredith could handle it at the moment.

"She is my daughter Carolyn" Ellis stated. Ellis had never said anything to anyone but she missed her daughter; especially knowing it was because of her own stupidity that she lost her.

She thought about Meredith every single day and for the first time in a long time she felt the need to talk to someone. Carolyn was there for her when she lost Meredith and when Thatcher moved her to England, she was heartbroken that she never got to say goodbye.

"Ellis, you aware of the risks if Thatcher discovered the affair, that you would be forfeiting your rights, you knew that Ellis" Carolyn told her; she had heard this from Ellis many times over the years; knowing that she was referring to Meredith without staying anything.

"I know, I spent the first four years of her life saying that I didn't want her because she was the only reason I married Thatcher, when I was in love with Max, but I didn't even get to say goodbye to her"

"Does Max know you are concerned about her?" Carolyn was hesitant to say her name, knowing that Lexie and Molly were in the house, and she didn't think they knew about Meredith having a different mom; she couldn't imagine that Thatcher would have let the girls know.

"Yes but Max doesn't like me talking about her"

"Meredith is settled in her life Ellis and if you love your daughter like you said you do; then leave her be. If anything happens I will let you know. I have given you titbits over the years Ellis, without anyone knowing please let that be enough?" Carolyn asked her, wanting to tell Ellis the truth but she couldn't break her promise to Thatcher.

"You promise if you hear anything about Meredith, you will let me know"

"Haven't I always?" Carolyn said, trying not to grimace at lying to Ellis.

"Thank you Carolyn, you have been a good friend over the years" Ellis told her, and Carolyn felt like she was going to hell for lying to one of her closest friends.

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Lexie gasped and ran away, running upstairs to her bedroom. She could feel the tears running down her face but she didn't care. She couldn't understand how Meredith could have lied to her for these years. Meredith was not her sister, how could that be. Meredith called mummy, mum and her mummy treated her like a daughter. She didn't understand why the lady was referring to Meredith has her daughter and to why Mrs Shepherd would lie to the lady about Meredith. Lexie couldn't stop the tears from falling and she felt like she had no one.

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	12. Chapter 10 MerDer In New York Pt 2

**I want to wish all of my Readers a happy New Year and hope 2012 brings everything you hope for. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 10- MerDer in New York Part 2**

The drive into Manhattan from the university took them almost an hour; Derek wanted to show Meredith around some of New York, knowing it would do her the world of good to be away from Lexie and Molly for the day. He planned on taking her to Liberty Island, he knew that her and the girls would have seen the Statue of Liberty from the ship has they came into New York, but he wanted to show her how beautiful the skyline was from the observation deck in the lady's crown and take her to the Empire State Building and hopefully if they had time to Central Park. Meredith recognised the Statue of Liberty as they climbed out of the car and headed towards the ferry dock.

"Derek" she said stopping.

"I thought we would go over to Liberty Island; and show you one of my favourite spots in the whole city"

"I don't know" she said, not able to forget the first time she saw, when they were on the ship leaving for England, for a moment she was herself back then at four years old, screaming before she didn't want to leave, and how much she missed her mom.

"Meredith...Are you alright?" Derek asked her, grabbing hold of her arms, he could see the tears streaming down her face, and that she was lost somewhere. "Meredith...Come back to me" he said, pulling her into his arms and holding her close. "Meredith" he whispered in her ear, while stroking her hair until he felt her come back to him.

"Sorry" she said pulling herself together; thinking that Derek must think that she was a little strange, considering her behaviour this past week.

"No need to be sorry, Meredith. Where were you?" he asked her gently.

"Remembering" she said lifting her hand from his chest, but she didn't step back, she felt safe in Derek's embrace, for the first time since she left England. But she reminded herself that he had a girlfriend; so she pulled away from him and out of his embrace. She couldn't help but feel cold afterwards, but she couldn't afford to put herself in that situation.

"I know...coming into New York..."

"No, it wasn't that...I remember seeing it when we left for England and screaming for my mom" she said unable to hide the tears.

"I'm sorry Meredith; I didn't mean to drag up bad memories"

"It is not all bad, Derek. Molly called her the green lady as we passed it coming over. We were so happy to get off the ship after we had been on it for so long" she said smiling for the first time since they left NYU.

"Let's make some nice memories for you, shall we?" he said, smiling, and Meredith dubbed him 'mcdreamy' but she knew those thoughts were wrong, but she wanted to feel close to someone, taking his out stretched hand, she let him pull her towards the ferry terminal.

Once they were stood on the observation neck in the crown of the Statue of Liberty, and Meredith couldn't believe how beautiful the Manhattan skyline was from this view.

"It is so beautiful"

"Yes it is" Derek agreed, knowing that it wasn't the view that he was talking about.

"Thank you" Meredith said turning around and hugging him, and without thinking she gave him a kiss on the cheek, an action that caused the both of them to freeze, Derek could feel his cheek tingle where her lips had rested against his cheek. Derek blue eyes found her green orbs, and it felt like that she was seeing into his soul.

"Shall we leave now Meredith and we can go to the Empire State Building and see this differently" he said, a part of him wanted to drive back home in that instant, but they hadn't actually done anything wrong, and other part never wanted the day to end, and he choose to go with the latter.

After leaving the statue of Liberty and the ferry, Meredith had expected Derek to say that he was taking her home, so she was surprised when he headed in the opposite direction. Meredith could have kicked herself for what happened, even though nothing had really happened.

"Where are we going?" she asked him.

"I thought we could go to the Empire State Building" he told her.

"That would be fine" she said still feeling uncomfortable. And they spent the rest of the drive over to the Empire State Building in an awkward silence; until Derek had enough of the awkward silence.

"You did nothing wrong Meredith" he told her, wanting the Meredith back that he had seen before that kiss on the cheek.

"I know that but it has been a lovely day so far and I don't want to ruin it"

"You haven't ruined it Meredith, I have had a great time so far" he said giving her a smile, he wanted to reach over and grab her hand but he daren't, deciding to change the subject. "Have you heard from your parents?"

"No...I sent them a telegram to let them know that we arrived safely but I haven't heard anything back yet"

"I am sure they are fine Meredith and I would guess getting mail out of England might be a bit difficult" Derek wanted to kick himself for asking after her parents because he could see the sadness that settled over her.

"I hope so" she said sadly.

"Enough of the sad talk, and lets enjoy the rest of the day, shall we?"

"Yes" she said smiling at him, but she missed the girls, and she knew that Lexie and Molly would love this, that hopefully maybe one day she could bring the girls in, but she knew that would mean that she would need to learn to drive.

"We are here Meredith" Derek said bringing her out of her thoughts, and helping her out of the car.

Derek let go of her hand and rested his hand in the small of her back, as he guided her into the building, they took the elevator up to the 80th floor, before climbing the rest of the way up to the observation deck.

"Wow" Meredith said has they stepped out onto the deck, Derek took her hand and guided her over to the telescopes that dotted around the observation deck. "This is even more amazing view then from the Statue of Liberty"

"I know, and you get to see New York skyline from two different views" he told her, smiling, loving her amazement; watching her was like seeing something through another person's eyes and it was infectious.

"Derek, thank you so much for today. I have really enjoyed it" she said turning to face him.

"I am glad Meredith; but the day isn't over yet"

"Really?" she smiled, and Derek noted that she really smiled and he wanted to see it again and again.

"Really; I want you to enjoy yourself Meredith; you have deserve this" he said, grabbing her hand. Ignoring his earlier promise not to touch her; he couldn't help it, he would enjoy it today knowing that it would be the only day that he would allow it. "You ready to leave?" he asked her.

"Where are we going?" Meredith asked with the excitement of a child, and Derek loved seeing that side of her.

"That is a surprise"

"I hate surprises"

"Well, you will learn to like them" Derek told her, before running away from her as she chased him to the elevator, and to anyone watching they looked like a couple in love despite that they had only met a week before and this was the first one on one time together.

The rest of the day went quickly for them, Derek showed her some of central Park, Belvedere Castle, the Great Lawn, and Derek had been hoping to take her on a horse and carriage ride but he knew that they didn't have time for that since they would soon need to head home. He was happy to see her relaxed and looking carefree and he was glad that she had agreed to join him for the rest of the day. Heading back home; glancing over her, as she was the street of New York as they drove past them, and heading out of New York City and into the suburbs.

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Derek drove up to the gates of the family house, almost wishing that this day did not have to end, Derek knew that he would carry this day with him, because it would be the only time he would spend any alone time with her, the attraction he felt was her was too much.

"Thank you for today Derek, I really enjoyed it" Meredith said turning to him, and giving him a huge smile.

"I enjoyed it too Meredith, Ma should have dinner ready, so we get better yet back in" he said. Walking into the house, Derek whispered something into Meredith ear which caused them both to laugh as they were walking into the kitchen that they didn't notice the extra person sat at the table.

"Hello Derek"

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	13. Chapter 11Isabelle

**Very little Mer/Der interaction in this chapter, this is mainly Derek/Isabelle and sorry but she won't be going anywhere for a while and the ending is from Carolyn POV. Thank to everyone that has left me reviews for the last two chapters and for the story alerts/favourite stories. I am so glad that people are enjoying this little ole story of mine. Thanks to Jill for proofing, the ending of this chapter I attempted to rewrite about 5 times and with Jill wonderful proofing, it sounds so much better. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 11- Isabelle**

"Isabelle" Derek stated, surprised to hear his girlfriend's voice, turning to her, he asked her.

"What are doing here? I was not expecting you for another two weeks"

"I missed you, so I thought that I would come up early. I hope you don't mind" she said walking towards him with what Derek noted was a false smile; she glanced over at Meredith quickly and promptly dismissing her.

"No, of course not" he said.

"Meredith, Meri" he heard Molly shouting at her sister, before leaping into her arms, luckily Meredith caught her.

"I missed you Meri" Molly told her.

"I missed you too sweetheart" Meredith said, giving her little sister a kiss on the cheek. "Where is Lexie?" Meredith's asked her.

"Lexie, is in room" Molly told her.

" Lets go and get you cleaned up before dinner, shall we?"

"Okay" Molly said before turning and seeing Derek stood there. "Tank you Mr Derek" Molly said as she tugged on his arm. In response Derek got down to her height and she gave him a kiss on the cheek before running out of the kitchen. Neither Meredith nor Derek noticed that Isabelle was watching them every closely and she did not like what she saw.

"Thank you for today Derek" Meredith said with a smile before she followed her sister out of the kitchen. Derek watched as she left the room, before he turned to face Isabelle.

"Where are you staying?" Derek asked her.

"At the Fairmount in New York" Isabelle replied.

"That is quite a way to travel Isabelle" he said knowing it was a least an hour from their house to central New York.

"I know but I thought that maybe you could stay with me" she said, her hand resting on his chest.

"Isabelle, I can't. I promise Ma and Dad that I am here for the summer" he told her, Derek never realised that he hadn't even said hello or kissed her. He lead her out off the kitchen and into the parlour so he could talk to her without any of his family overhearing their conversation.

"Derek, I love you and I want to spend some time alone with you" she told him.

"I know Isabelle" Derek said wrapping his arms around her waist as he pulled her gently towards him and kissed her gently on the mouth.

"I missed you Derek" she told him.

"I missed you too"

"Well, that is not how it looked from where I was standing, Derek" Isabelle remarked.

"Meredith's father is an old family friend; I told you before you returned to California that his daughter would be living here with us for the duration of the war;. I am helping her to settle in Isabelle, she doesn't know anyone" he told her, hoping it would appease her.

"I guess I am feeling a little jealous after all she is very pretty, and she is here with you" Isabelle admitted to him.

"You have nothing to worry about Isabelle, I have not noticed" Derek told her, knowing that it would be what she wanted to hear.

"As long as she realises that you are mine!" Isabelle as she stared at him, Derek simply smiled at her, not wanting her to see that she was not the person that he wanted to hear those words from. He gently captured her lips and parted her mouth with his tongue, and kissed her hard.

"Ewww...Will you stop doing that? That is disgusting" they heard Olivia exclaim from behind them.

"You will be doing this one day Liv" Derek told her, pulling away from Isabelle.

"I do not think so Der" she said getting herself a drink out of the fridge.

"What do you want?" he asked her.

"I live here Derek, you don't...and mom said to tell you that dinner will be ready in an hour"

"I know. Now get out of here"

"I am leaving, just wait until I tell Mark about you smooching in the kitchen" she said before running out the parlour. Derek could tell that Isabelle was not impressed with Olivia's comment about Mark, as they did not get along. The snigger that escaped him did not help either judging by the glare that Isabelle sent him, his only quick response was to kiss her.

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Meredith was sitting talking with Amy whilst the girls were outside playing in the garden; her mind kept wandering back to that afternoon and the near kiss between herself and Derek. For the first time since leaving London, she felt like she was a normal girl, the only downside was that the guy she liked was seeing someone else. Meredith watched from the corner of her eye as Derek walked into the living room holding Isabelle's hand.

"Derek" Carolyn said. "You decided to join us"

"Sorry Ma, I was catching up with Isabelle" he told his mother, before giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"Isabelle, it is lovely to meet you at last, I am Carolyn Shepherd, Derek's mother" Carolyn as she greeted Isabelle.

"Isabelle De Winters, madam" she introduced herself.

"It is lovely to meet you Isabelle" Chris greeted her.

"Ma, Dad after dinner I am going to escort Isabelle back to the hotel" Derek told his parents.

"You are more than welcome to stay here, Isabelle. We have a spare room" Chris offered.

"I don't want to intrude Mr Shepherd"

"Nonsense Isabelle, it is getting late and to be honest I would rather not Derek drove back into the city"

"Thank you Mr Shepherd"

"I will show you up to your room Isabelle" Carolyn said standing up; and guiding her son's girlfriend upstairs, leaving Derek alone with his father, Meredith and Amelia.

"She seems very nice, son" Chris told him.

"Thanks Dad" Derek said with a smile, and it could not help it when his gaze flicked over to Meredith sitting on the sofa. He had to get control of these forbidden feelings he was starting to feel for Meredith, it was not fair to Isabelle. He had made a commitment to her and he loved her.

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Dinner that evening was quite a noisy affair; as it often was in the Shepherd House, with everyone getting to know Isabelle. Carolyn sat and watched Derek with Isabelle; somehow she couldn't imagine them together… Isabelle seemed like a lovely young woman but they did not suit each other well. Derek seemed a little uptight around her compared to the relaxed Derek she had seen earlier that evening after returning home from his trip to the city, when he was laughing with Meredith but if this was the woman that her son wanted, she would support him.

Throughout dinner Carolyn sat and watched and observed. She could help but compare Isabelle and Meredith and how Derek interacted with both of them, and couldn't help but think how well suited he and Meredith were. She looked over to where Meredith sat quietly and could not help but be concerned as she saw her withdrawing back into the quiet young woman who had stepped of the boat from London. Meredith had no doubt started to relax and come out of her shell a bit but as Carolyn was concerned as she watched her this evening. She had barely spoken during and when she did her answers were short.

She had made a promise to Thatcher to look after his girls and that was she was determined to keep. First all she wanted to know the reason for Meredith's withdrawal this evening, although deep down she thought she knew the reason why…

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	14. Chapter 12

**Since you are one chapter behind SL and TD i will post another update tonight. I will also post one later in the week. Thank you for your reviws. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 12**

Two months after arriving in America Meredith, Lexie and Molly found themselves staying in the Hamptons during the month of August. Meredith had a few small, previous memories of vacationing there with her parents before her mother had died and they had moved to England. In the past three weeks Meredith had struck up a friendship with Amelia who was only a couple of years younger than her. The one good thing was that it allowed her to avoid Derek.

Meredith had avoided Derek as much as possible since Isabelle had arrived and was staying with the Shepherds. Meredith was fully aware that for some reason Isabelle did not like her, but was unsure as to why. Meredith did not miss the cold glances that Isabelle sent her way, especially when Derek had been staring at her. Meredith always knew when he was looking at her as she could feel his eyes on her and it made her uncomfortable. She could always sense when he entered the same room as her, something in the air shifted and for the life of her she had no idea why.

"Meredith…" She heard his voice behind come her as she stared out of the patio doors that overlooked the water.

"Yes" Meredith answered as she closed her eyes.

"I am sorry for Isabelle...you don't deserve to be treated like that," Derek said softly. Deep down he knew that Isabelle wasn't exactly being friendly to her and he had an idea as to why but it was not fair to take it out on Meredith, has she had done nothing wrong. If it was anyone fault it was his own.

"It is fine Derek..." Meredith answered. "I need to get back to the girls." She said knowing that she was only using the girls has an excuse not to see him.

"Please don't avoid me Meredith?" Derek begged her. He could not believe how quickly she got under his skin.

"Derek, I can't do this" Meredith said as she turned to face him. As she did so, Derek could see the pain that reflected in her eyes, and it pained him, knowing that he responsible for her pain.

"What if I told you that I liked you?" Derek asked her. "What would you say if I told you that I cannot stop thinking of you?" Derek stated knowing that it was the wrong thing to say. The words were out of his mouth before he even realised.

"Stop...that is not fair Derek" Meredith pleaded with him .

"I know...I am sorry" Derek said, reaching out and took hold of her arm. Meredith shook him off.

"Let me go...please," Meredith asked him, whilst avoiding his eyes. Something she had been doing for the past two weeks.

"Meredith...look at me" Derek told her; once again reaching out but this time grabbing her hand, and was shocked to find his fingers interlaced with Meredith's. His first thought was how perfectly their hands fit together.

"What difference would that make? I need to go Derek" she said shaking him off once again and escaping from the kitchen before he could stop her. Meredith would not let herself feel the effect that a simple touch from Derek created in her. Derek would he ever know what he did to her. She was looking forward to the day when she could forget that Derek Shepherd ever existed except for in her memories.

Derek ran his hand through his dark curly hair. Ever since that day two weeks ago that they had spent together in New York City; she had been avoided him and he truthfully he found it strange how much he missed her. Isabelle's surprise and unexpected arrival had made Meredith retreat into herself. Derek smiled at the memory of when she had kissed him on the cheek. Derek swore that the memory alone made his cheek tingle on the spot where she had kissed him.

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An hour after her encounter with Derek Meredith came back downstairs hoping that he wouldn't be there. She was relieved when she didn't see him and made her way out the front garden where she could hear Lexie and Molly playing. She stepped out onto the porch and watched the girls playing with Olivia. She smiled, it was so good to see the girls so relaxed and carefree. Watching them laughing and playing in the garden helped her to take her mind off a certain gentleman.

"Hello…" Meredith heard a voice come from behind her and realised that it was Amelia as she turned round and faced her.

"Hello Amelia"

"Meredith, for the last time it's Amy… please?" she laughed "I hate being called Amelia"

"Okay" Meredith replied smiling.

"The girls are really sweet Meredith," Amelia remarked as she too watched them playing "Is everything okay? You have been very quiet"

"I guess I am still struggling to adapt, the girls are that bit younger and have found it much easier. I just miss my parents so much" Meredith told her, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"I can't even imagine what you must be going through especially with the war going on" Amy said as she rested her hand on Meredith's arm. It was a touch that reminded her of Derek; but in a gentle more sisterly way.

"I try not to think about," Meredith told her. She found Amy easy to talk to, and since her breakdown the previous month , she had been a little bit more open about how she felt but there was still a lot of things that she had kept to herself.

"Meri" Meredith looked up as she heard Molly calling her name and watched as she bounced over to her. Meredith bent down and lifted the four year old into her arms.

"Morning Mols" Meredith said as she gave her sister a kiss on the head.

"You were gone" Molly said quietly.

"I'm sorry sweetie, I couldn't sleep, so i went out for a walk"

"Ok" she said, wrapping her grubby arms around Meredith's neck. "I'm hungry, Meri" Molly said burying her head in her sister shoulder.

"Would you like some breakfast?"Meredith asked her.

"Yes please!"Molly replied smiling

"Lexie, it's time for breakfast," Meredith said as she called out to her other sister, who promptly stood up from where she was playing and ran over to her sisters just as they were entering the house.


	15. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Meredith followed as Lexie and Molly both ran into the kitchen; Molly had wiggled in Meredith's arm and insisted to get down and ran after Lexie. As she entered the kitchen, Meredith saw that everyone was sat around the table and that the only spare seat was next to Derek. When their eyes met she turned away, refusing to give in to her feelings for him, so she averted her eyes and looked at her sisters instead.

"Morning Meredith," Chris greeted her as he stood at the stove.

"Good morning Chris."

"Did you sleep okay Meredith?" Chris asked her.

"Yes thank you," Meredith replied, walking over to sit in the chair next to Derek when Amy spoke up.

"You can sit here next to the girls Meredith. Derek can deal with the annoying younger sister for once," Amy smirked, noticing the relieved expression in Meredith's eyes. As they passed each other Meredith offered her a tight smile before sitting down next to her sister, but as she sat down Meredith didn't know what was worse - sitting next to Derek or sitting directly opposite him.

"So, what has everyone got planned for the day?" Chris asked everyone.

"Beach" Olivia and Amelia both cried out at the same time, causing Chris to laugh, knowing full well that the pair of them would be spending every day on the beach whilst they were in the Hamptons.

"Meredith?"

"I do not know," Meredith replied as she looked over to where Chris was standing.

"Please can we go swimming Meri?" Molly shouted.

"Molly, no shouting," Meredith said gently.

"Sorry. But please can we go swimming?" she asked again.

"Lexie?"

"I'll go" Lexie whispered as she stared at her plate. Meredith watched her, and noticed that Lexie had been a little quiet lately, and decided to watch Lexie a little more closely over the next few days

"What about you Derek? Have you got any plans?"

"Mark is arriving today so I am sure we will find something to do. Where's ma?" Derek asked his father, his eyes never leaving Meredith.

"She is complaining of a headache, she will be down later." Chris told his son. He followed Derek's gaze and saw him look at Meredith and he could not help but think that Carolyn's wish might be coming true. He watched his son every time Meredith walked into the room, and his eyes always went straight to her and when he entered a room his eyes would search her out. Chris had noticed a tension of sorts forming between them in the last few weeks, even more so since Isabelle's visit to be precise.

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"Lexie" Meredith said as she followed her into her bedroom.

Lexie was too quiet during breakfast and Meredith was worried about her. Lexie had been the first one to adapt to their new situation and she was grateful for that, but she had noticed that Lexie had become despondent of late.

"What is it?" Lexie snapped at her. Meredith was taken back by it; Lexie had never used that tone with anyone before.

"What is going on with you? Is everything okay?" Meredith asked her.

"Nothing" Lexie replied as she flopped down on the bed.

"Alexandra."

"Please, Meredith can you leave me alone?" she asked her sister. Meredith was reluctant at first but seeing that Lexie was not going to open up she decided to let her have some peace.

"Fine, but Lexie you know where I am if you want to talk," Meredith told her; giving her a kiss on the head. "I love you sis" Meredith murmured before standing up and walking towards the bedroom door.

"I love you too Meri," Lexie said so quietly that Meredith had barely heard her. Smiling to herself; she walked out of the bedroom and straight into Derek.

Derek's arms were automatically wound around her holding her steady. It took Meredith a few moments before she had the strength to pull herself away from Derek's embrace simply savouring the brief moment of tenderness.

After a few moments she stepped back and immediately refused to look at him."Sorry" she murmured.

"I'm not," Derek stated calmly and clearly, he badly wanted to reach out and touch her but somehow he managed to resist the temptation.

"I need to go..." she said, as she tried to walk past him, but once more Derek reached out and grabbed hold of her arm.

"Meredith, we need to talk," Derek stated, needing to get whatever this was between them out in the open.

"No we don't..." Meredith replied. " I enjoyed our day in New York and you were great company but that was it… it was one day."

"Only because you have been avoiding me" Derek answered back.

"What do you expect Derek? You have a girlfriend or had you forgotten? When exactly is Isabelle due to arrive?" Meredith asked him, trying to prove a point.

"In two weeks" Derek replied automatically.

"Right...so we spend the next two weeks getting to know each other and when Isabelle arrives then what? You ignore me again...We pretend we barely know each other," Meredith challenged him.

"It was never like that."

"Yes it was Derek, and you know what you were right; we do barely know each other. So I suggest you stay away from me...because that way your girlfriend can never accuse me of something happening between us."

"She would never do that!" Derek stated not wanting to believe what Meredith was saying.

"Not in front of you Derek" Meredith snapped back at him.

"What is that suppose to mean, Meredith?" Derek asked, as she tried to pull her arm away from him but he wouldn't let her it go. Meredith turned back round to face him.

"Nothing," she told him.

"God damn it Meredith… Tell me, what did she say to you?" he asked, trying to keep his voice down as not to alert anyone.

"It doesn't matter Derek," Meredith said calmly.

"Yes it does," Derek said, pulling her even closer to him as he lowered his mouth and found her lips.

Derek's tongue darted between her slightly parted lips and started to explore her mouth, with his tongue. He was relieved when Meredith didn't fight the kiss, and even more so when she started to respond to his gentle caress of his mouth on her's . Derek's whole body felt like it was on fire; in that moment he realised that he had never felt like this with anyone before not even with Isabelle.

For a split second Meredith forgot who Derek was and immediately relaxed into the kiss, she didn't want to fight this feeling that he illicted from her any longer. She had shared a couple of kisses before, but nothing like this… She felt her body respond to his in a way that she had never experienced before and as his tongue explored her mouth she realised that nothing had ever felt so right as she pressed her body up against his, before coming to her senses and pulling away.

Derek reluctantly let her go and as much as he wanted to continue the embrace he didn't stop her, knowing that if her did she would have slapped him in an instant.

The second she was out of his embrace she ran to her bed room and slammed the door shut behind her, not quite believing how stupid she was. As she leaned up against the door she could still feel the pressure his mouth on her's and the way her whole body had tingled when she was in his arms. She realised in that moment that she couldn't help but want to feel that again.

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Meredith smiled as she watched Molly as she ran along the edge of the water. She was transported back to their summers in Cornwall; the last one being the year before the war started. Only instead of Molly being chased by the Olivia, she was being chased by her and Lexie laughing as she shouted to her mummy to save her.

Meredith was pulled from her thoughts by Molly who was laughing loudly as Olivia grabbed her and started tickling her. It was nice to see her enjoying herself, she knew that Molly wouldn't remember their family holidays back in England, but she hoped that Molly would make new memories here, hopefully one's that didn't seem so sad. Meredith turned around to find Lexie coming along the beach with Amelia dressed in a long skirt and top.

"Lexie, where is your swimming costume?" she asked her sister.

"I don't want to go swimming" she told Meredith "So I don't need my costume"

"Lex..."

"Just watch Molly" Lexie snapped at her.

"Alexandra Grey, you do not talk to me like that," Meredith said. She had noticed how snappy Lexie had been with her over the past month but she had no idea what it was she was supposed to have done. She just wished that Lexie would talk to her.

"I am going back to the house," Lexie said before stalking off back towards the Shepherd house.

"Meredith, she will be alright," Amy told Meredith as she saw the look of confusion on Meredith's face.

"Meri...Meri...help me," Molly shouted from the water, laughing as Olivia picked her up once again and pretended to throw her into the water. "Mer..."

"Coming Molly," Meredith called back.

"Please...help me" Molly shouted again giggling away, as Olivia dropped her legs into the water.

"Olivia, Molly," Carolyn called out appearing out of nowhere.

"Mom?" Olivia called back.

"It is lunchtime girls."

"But Ma."

"No arguing Olivia," Carolyn told her youngest daughter. Carolyn watched as Meredith joined Olivia and Molly at the water's edge and looking around she noticed that Lexie had disappeared. She had recognised the signs from Amelia only last year and she could tell from the look of concern on Meredith's face that she was worried about her sister's behaviour, especially after seeing Alexandra storm off like that.

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Back at the house Carolyn found herself standing outside Alexandra and Molly's bedroom, she knew that Meredith had kept Molly in her room because of Alexandra's mood swings. Knocking on the door, Carolyn did not hesitate to walk into the bedroom.

"Lexie?"

"What?" she snapped, expecting her sister but surprised to find it was Mrs Shepherd. "I am sorry," Lexie said.

"Why? It's okay for you to speak to your sister like that but not to me?" she asked, presuming that Lexie had expected it to be Meredith at the door. Lexie looked at her; and Carolyn could see that she had been crying. Carolyn soon found herself sitting on the bed, her hand running over Lexie's back. "What's wrong Lexie?" she asked.

"Nothing."

"Lexie; it is not nothing. You are moody, snappy and miserable."

"I want my parents," Lexie answered quietly.

"It is more than that, Alexandra," Carolyn replied knowingly.

"You don't know anything."

"Don't be so sure about that, Lexie talk to me," Carolyn asked her. Lexie looked at Carolyn, trying to decide whether of not to take her up on her offer.

"Why didn't my parents tell me that Meredith wasn't my sister?" she said, not bothering to hide the tears.

"What are you talking about Lexie?" Carolyn asked her a little confused as there was no way that Thatcher would have told the girls about Ellis.

"I overheard you talking to her," Lexie whispered.

"Talking to who Lexie?" Carolyn asked her, not knowing who it was she was talking about.

"Ellis," Lexie said, watching as Carolyn closed her eyes, silently kicking herself for not realising.

"Lexie...I am so sorry."

"Why didn't she tell me?" Lexie said breaking down in tears, and Carolyn wrapped her arms around the sobbing girl.

"Meredith doesn't remember, sweetie."

"How can she not remember her mum?" Lexie asked looking up at Carolyn.

"Lexie, she was younger than Molly when Ellis left. She has been told her whole life that Ellis is dead." Carolyn knew there was no point in lying to her.

"She should know."

"It is not our place Lexie."

"Ellis doesn't want to know her daughter?" Lexie asked.

"It is not that simple Lexie," Carolyn told her, knowing exactly how much it hurt Ellis to be away from her daughter, despite the fact that she had another daughter.

"Why?"

"I don't know Lexie, that was between your father and Ellis but Meredith loves your mum and in Meredith eyes - your mother is her mother and that is all she has ever known. It is not fair on Meredith for you to blame her over something that she has no control over.

"I have been horrible to her since I found out," Lexie said, burying her head into her pillows.

"I think Meredith will forgive you, she loves you."

"I know she does. I feel so guilty."

"Talk to your sister Lexie," Carolyn advised her, before placing a small kiss on the top of her head. "Apologise to her."

"She is going to want to know why," Lexie muttered.

"And what are you going to tell her?" Carolyn asked.

"That I miss my parents that I didn't mean to take it out on her. I can't tell her, that can't I?"

"That is up to you Lexie, I am not going to ask you to lie to her but you need to think how this will affect her, she has lived most of her life thinking that Ellis is dead and she loves your mom like her own. I know you will make the right decision."

"Thank you Carolyn," Lexie said, giving her a hug. Carolyn was surprised as it was the first time that Lexie had willing hugged someone other than her sister.

"That is what I am here for Lexie, don't ever be afraid to turn to me if you need anything," Carolyn said before leaving Lexie alone with her thoughts. She prayed that Lexie did the right thing for Meredith's sake; she could not imagine what the news that her mother was alive would do to Meredith. The last thing she wanted was for Meredith to go through all that doubt and confusion.


	16. Chapter 14

**This chapter takes place two weeks after previous chapter. You might recgonise some the dialogue in this chapter; that i borrow from an episode of Grey's even though I've changed it slightly to fit into this story.**

Chapter 14

Since the kiss that he shared with Meredith outside of her bedroom, Derek had tried to avoid Meredith, but somehow he found himself being drawn to her even more, just like he was now. He was sitting at the kitchen table, looking out the large window watching Meredith was playing with Molly. He never heard his father walk in and sit down beside him, until he felt someone place their hand on his shoulder. Looking up he found himself looking into the eyes of his father.

"Dad"

"How are you feeling Derek?" he asked his son, knowing what he had been struggling with.

"I am..." Derek started to say before stopping and looking back outside to where Meredith was still playing with her sister. "I don't understand this Dad," he told him.

"Don't understand what, son?"

"I am supposed to asking Isabelle to marry me, but yet I have all these feelings for Meredith, feelings that I have never felt for anyone before. I don't know what to do, dad. Tell me what to do dad please…"

"I can't Derek that is something only you can decide; what I want is for you to think about this. You barely know Meredith, whereas you have been with Isabelle for a long time," Chris explained. "To be honest Derek I don't think Meredith needs this complication right now. She is still trying to adjust to the whole situation and then there is the constant worry about her parents. Regardless of our support she is struggling to cope. But what she does need is a friend Derek. A good friend. You need to remember you have made a commitment to Isabelle who loves you too, but you need to follow your heart."

"My heart saying one thing and my head is telling me something different."

"I can't help you out there Derek but I do know that you will make the right choice" he told him.

"Thanks Dad," Derek said as he smiled at his father.

"Anytime son," he said leaving Derek alone with his thoughts.

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While Meredith was pushing Molly on the swing, Lexie was spending some time with Amelia and Olivia. Meredith was grateful of this knowing that Amy would take good care of Lexie and that it would give her some time alone with Molly.

"Higher Meri," Molly shouted laughing and giggling whilst kicking her little legs as Meredith continued to push her. "Higher, higher!"

"That is high enough Molly," Meredith said to her.

"No...Please Meri...higher," Molly insisted.

"If I push you too high, you might fall off Mols"

"No...I'll hold on real tight," Molly said as she squeezed her little hands on the swing chains.

"No Molly," Mer said again. Molly pouted causing Meredith to laugh and she shook her head. "That doesn't work on me Molly Emily Grey, come on, it is lunch time and the girls should be home soon."

"Can I play some more please?" Molly asked her.

"Yes, but when I call you in Molly; you will have to come in."

"Yes, Meri," Molly said as she ran off to the small sandpit that the Shepherd's had in their grounds.

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As she walking from the garden and into the kitchen, Meredith noticed Derek sitting at the table, she paused for a moment; she was surprised to see him there especially as she knew that his girlfriend was due to arrive later that day.

"Hi," Meredith said quietly as she walked into the room. She had a feeling that Derek had been avoiding her for the past two weeks.

"Hi, Is Molly having fun?"

"Yes."

"Where are the girls?" Derek asked trying to make conversation.

"They are at the beach," Meredith answered. "I think Lexie is trying to avoid me," she said sadly, as she sat down at the table next to him. Derek reached out and covered her hand with his. They both tried to ignore the spark they felt as Derek touched her hand with his, causing Meredith to jerk her hand away.

"What makes you think that?" Derek asked her.

"It is just a feeling" she said, as she stood up and started making herself a cup of tea.

"Meredith, your sister loves you, you know that isn't true" Derek told her as he too stood up but did not move any closer to her, knowing that if he did Meredith would run from him and he didn't want her to do that.

"I know but she hasn't been herself over the past few weeks and she only seems to talk to me when I speak to her first," Meredith said as she turned to find herself almost face to face with Derek. She gasped in surprise as she had never heard him moving closer.

"Speak to her Meredith," Derek said. He badly wanted to reach out and touch her, ever since their kiss only weeks before he hadn't been able to get her out of his mind and knowing that Isabelle was visiting soon only made the situation worse.

"I will, thank you Derek," she said, offering him a small smile.

Without even realising it he was doing it, Derek found himself gently caressing her cheek with his thumb. For the life of him he could not remember reaching out to her, but what he did know was that Meredith was responding to his touch.

Meredith knew she should pull away but she couldn't, this was exactly what she needed right now and she never flinched as Derek pulled her into his arms and help her. She felt safe and protected in his arms; something she hadn't felt since leaving England.

Meredith lifted her head and found herself staring into his bright blue eyes and slowly found herself getting herself lost in them. She never realised how close Derek was getting to her until she felt his lips touch hers and whilst her head screamed at her to pull away but for once she followed her heart just as Derek's tongue parted her mouth as his tongue slipped inside. She wrapped her arms around his waist, and as their tongues duelled together, Meredith was glad that Derek was holding her against the kitchen counter as she could feel her knees start to give way due to the intensity of the kiss. Derek's hands found their way underneath her top and his fingers gently caressed the bare skin of her back. Meredith could feel the spark running throughout her body, and quickly found herself grinding up again him, embarrassed she pulled away.

"I am so sorry…" Meredith murmured blushing; as she refused to look at him.

"Mer...Don't," Derek said, placing his hand under her chin and raised her head so she looked directly at him. Derek smiled at the thought of her "You have nothing to be sorry about" he said as he placed a chaste kiss on her mouth.

"We can't do this, Derek. What about Isabelle?" Meredith asked as she stared at him.

"I know Mer; but I can't resist you…" Derek said trying to explain how he felt.

"You need to Derek, you are with Isabelle, and you keep looking at me! And you watch me. All the time and I can't breathe. I can't breathe with you looking at me like that so stop! Stop looking at me. Please." She almost begged him.

"Don't you think I know that Meredith? I love Isabelle; but I can't stop thinking about you. You think I wanna look at you? That I wouldn't rather be looking at my girlfriend? I'm in a relationship. I have responsibilities. She… she doesn't drive me crazy. She doesn't make it impossible for me to feel normal! I would give anything to not be looking at you" Derek said as he backed away from her.

"Derek...I need you back off; I need you to stop staring at me every time I walk into the room, it makes me feel uncomfortable. I will not come in between you and Isabelle. Once the war is over I am going back to England, back to my family. You cannot be a part of my life in that way, " Meredith explained as she battled back the tears.

"I know...and I am sorry Meredith," Derek said mournfully.

"So am I, Derek but I think it is necessary," Meredith told him. Derek kissed her briefly one more time before backing away and nodding his head, knowing deep down that he needed to stay away from her; that is was what was best for them both. He had to do what was right and knowing that Isabelle wanted commitment from him and that he was expected to provide that for her, therefore he would have to bury his feelings for Meredith. He could never revisit these feelings …or so he thought.


	17. Chapter 15

**I am so sorry I haven't updated sooner, I have been so busy with doing NVQ work coz I am nearing the end and I want to get it finished. I still have bits to do, but I giving you this update. Thanks to Jenny and Jill for their help with this update.**

**Chapter 15**

A few days after Meredith's encounter with Derek in the kitchen, Chris and Carolyn insisted that Meredith join them for dinner at one of the local restaurants in the Hamptons. In doing so Meredith had left the girls alone with Amelia and Olivia for the first time since arriving in America. Meredith was worried about leaving the girls as they had never been left with anyone else but Meredith before and she was not sure how they would behave. Back home in London whenever her parents went out she was often left in charge of the girls. S he was looking forward to going out for dinner despite having the company of Isabelle but she knew that she needed to get over her dislike of her; only because she was Derek's girlfriend.

Meredith stood in front of the girls and pulled them into a hug, noticing that Lexie was hanging back and that she did not seem to be very happy.

"Lex, I can stay if you don't want me to go?" Meredith offered her sister, not wanting to leave them unless they wanted her to go.

"No, go Mer...I am sorry," Lexie whispered quietly.

"Okay. Why don't you help look after Mols and be a good girl for Amy"

"I promise."

"I will come in and see you when I get home," Meredith said

"Have fun Mer," Lexie said giving her sister a kiss on the cheek. Meredith gave Molly a quick kiss on the head before following Carolyn out of the house.

"MERI," Molly screamed as soon as she saw Meredith step onto the pathway. Upon hearing Molly, Meredith started to turn back until she felt Carolyn place a hand on her shoulder holding her in place.

"Meredith...let's go," she said gently.

"Carol...I can't," Meredith said close to tears.

"Yes you can Meredith. I promise you once you leave she will calm down."

"You don't know that," Meredith said as she battled back the tears that threatened to fall as she continued to hear Molly scream her name.

"I do Meredith...it is separation anxiety. All children go through it; my children went through it when they were younger and I bet Molly went through it when your parents would go out. Am I right?" Carolyn asked her and Meredith nodded her head, remembering the times when Lexie and Molly had used to scream for her parents when they went out. Meredith finally understood what Carolyn meant but it still didn't make it any easier to leave her.

"Molly has gotten use to having your undivided attention for the past two months," Carolyn said as they both walked down the driveway to the car. Meredith pulled herself together she followed Carolyn out to the automobile. The tears never stopped until they pulled out of the driveway and Meredith could no longer near Molly's screams.

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Once they arrived at the restaurant and they were sat at their table, Meredith found herself sat opposite Derek and Isabelle; something which made her feel even more uncomfortable. Meredith kept her eyes down at the table, and she only spoke when she was spoken too. She knew that Derek was watching her, every few minutes throughout the evening she could feel his eyes on her, which only added to her discomfort. Ignoring the small talk that was going on around her she mainly spent most of her evening talking to Kathleen who was sitting next to her and was surprised when Isabelle addressed her directly.

"So, Meredith what are you planning to do whilst you staying with the Shepherd's?" she asked, giving Derek a quick glance who suddenly started playing with his napkin.

"I intend on getting the girls settled here before I attend university," Meredith replied as she met Isabelle's eyes, for the first time. She had nothing to be ashamed off and she wasn't going to hide anymore.

"Isabelle," Derek said quietly warning her; but she ignored him. Isabelle was determined not to lose him to anyone.

"What are you planning to study? Or is this just a ploy to get a husband? I hear that happens a lot in England," Isabelle asked, fully aware of the shocked looks of the Shepherd family towards her.

"Actually I want to be a teacher; I am going to study until we go back home. I don't need a man to make me happy; I would rather be alone than making someone love me," Meredith stated as she met Isabelle's shocked expression.

Isabelle continued to look at her in surprise, she was clearly not expecting the dig or for Meredith to fight back.

"That's enough about Meredith, Isabelle," Derek stated, as he reached out and grasped her hand that was underneath the table. He turned back to his family who were sitting at the table. "Mom, Dad, there is a reason why we brought you all here. Isabelle and I have something that we want to tell you all," Derek said as he looked at everyone around the table, noting that Meredith was once again staring down at the table like she had been throughout dinner. He knew he couldn't say anything but he loved seeing her stand up to Isabelle for once instead of hiding away. He knew that this news would possibly hurt her and that was the last thing he wanted to do, but he had made a commitment to Isabelle two years ago and he wasn't about to back out of it.

"What Derek is trying to say, is that he asked me to marry him last night and I accepted," Isabelle said, smiling as she started flashing of the diamond solitaire on her ring finger.

Carolyn was in shock, she suspected that Derek had been considering proposing, but after watching him following Meredith around everywhere lately with puppy dog eyes, she was a little surprised at the turn of events, but ultimately if this is what her son wanted than she would support him. Carolyn was the first person at the table to speak.

"Congratulations," she said, as walked round the table to pull Derek in for a hug and then to Isabelle. Everyone else followed suit with their congratulations including Meredith, who looked them both in the eye, and showed no emotion whatsoever as she congratulated them both.

**A/N I am going into hiding now *runs away from the mob wanting to lynch her* hehe. That was Jen's words to me the first time she read this chapter and Jill soon echoed that but then she had warning...lol.**

**This is the start of some rather angsty/drama for the next few chapters, which will cause a shift in Mer/Der's relationship and I also suggest getting some tissues ready. I am going to stop rambling on and go into hiding.**


	18. Chapter 16

**Thanks to Jill for proofing this chapter. Sorry this took so long to update I am currently trying to finish off my NVQ coursework, plus I only update here days before I post a new chapter over on The Readers Corner, where I will be posting Chapter 20 over the weekend. **

**I know my readers do not like Derek and his choices, but remember this is set in the 1940's and relationships/marriages were not always happening for love in that time. Derek has made a commitment; no matter what he feels for Meredith. I know not everyone likes drama but then it gets readers to comment.**

**For those who have read my fics before will know I am a Mer/Der fan, and they will be together. I have changed by plans for this fic; coz I had a sequel in mind but that will not happen now, this is my last Grey's Anatomy fic. There will be a little angst in the next few chapters. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 16**

**Three months later**

When the doorbell rang at seven o'clock in the morning, Chris quickly jumped up and answered it so that it wouldn't disturb Carolyn or anyone one else in the house. When he opened the door he was surprised to see that it was the telegraph office, as he looked at very nervous boy who stood on his front porch.

"Mr Christopher Shepherd?"

"Yes."

"I have a telegram for you. Can you please sign for it?" the boy asked him nervously.

"Thank you," Chris said as he signed the piece of paper that said that confirmed he had received the telegraph and gave the boy a tip. Chris knew that only one person would send a telegram to them and he prayed that he was wrong. He knew it wasn't Thatcher as he would have sent them a letter instead. He placed the telegraph on the table, and make himself a drink, as he decided whether or not to open it. He had finally made his decision when Carolyn entered the kitchen.

"Was that someone at the door?" she asked him yawning. Chris pulled her into his embrace and kissed her.

"Good morning. Yes it was," he replied as he passed her over the cup of tea that he had made for himself.

"This is why I love you," Carolyn said smiling at him.

"Because I make you tea… I will remember that darling," Chris joked, as Carolyn rolled her eyes at him.

"Who was it at the door?" Carolyn asked him, wondering who it had been at this early ungodly hour of the morning.

"It was a telegram."

"Really? From whom?" she asked him curiously, not knowing that her thoughts had mirrored that of her husband's earlier.

"I do not know dear, I haven't opened it yet" he told her, gesturing to the table.

"Well then; I guess you should open it then Chris?" Carolyn told him. Chris shook his head at his wife and picked up the telegram and opened it. As he read the telegram Carolyn could tell from the expression on his face that it was bad news. Carolyn took the telegram from his hand and read over it:

_Mister Shepherd we regret to inform you that Thatcher and Susan Grey were killed during an air raid on the evening of 12__th__ November 1940 STOP Concerns with daughters Meredith, Alexandra and Molly Grey will be dealt with in our New York offices STOP Who will contact you soon STOP A Bolsover STOP Bolsover&Sons Solicitor STOP_

"Oh my god, Chris," Carolyn said, as she sat herself down in the chair, refusing to believe what Chris had just told her. She snatched the telegram out of his hand, and read over it. "Oh my god, Chris. What are we going to tell the girls?" she whispered as the tears sprang into her eyes.

"I don't know" Chris replied as he reached out for her hand. When he saw her tears he moved closer to her and pulled her into his embrace and comforted his wife as she cried.

"Morning, Ma, Dad," Derek said cheerfully as he walked into the kitchen. He looked over to where his parents were sitting and he could see his mother's shoulders shaking as well as hearing her cry. Seeing his mother crying was not something that Derek had ever witnessed before and automatically thought something terrible had happened he rushed over to her side. "Mom, what has happened?" he asked her quickly.

"Derek, your mother is okay, we have just received some bad news and it upset her," Chris told him, not letting go of his wife but gently rested his left hand on Derek's arm.

"What is it?" Derek asked.

"Not yet Derek, we need to discuss this between ourselves first but I promise we will let you know, when we are ready," Chris explained.

"Okay dad, if you are sure?"

"I am. Aren't you supposed to meeting Isabelle today?" Chris asked his son, knowing that he had mentioned something a few days before about wedding plans.

"I am, but I can cancel if I need to dad?" he offered. Derek did not want to leave his mother if he could help it.

"That won't be necessary Derek but thank you anyway," Chris said to his son.

"Okay, I will be at the Fairmount if you need me dad. I will be back after lunch; Isabelle is visiting her family in upstate New York later so I will be back some time this afternoon."

"Thank you Derek, now you go and have some fun," Chris told his son, and watched as Derek walked out of the kitchen; before turning his attention back to his wife.

"Maybe we should have told him Chris, I think Meredith will need someone to support her after we tell her?" Carolyn said, having pulled herself together, she knew that Meredith, Lexie and Molly would need a strong shoulder to cry on.

"She will but I don't think Derek will be the right person to give her support. No matchmaking Carolyn," he told his wife sternly. "Derek is engaged to Isabelle."

"You know Meredith will hide her feelings Chris, she will need someone who she can rely on to help her and Derek may just be the person to help her; he does have feelings for her you know?"

"I know but Meredith has been keeping her distance and that is the right thing to do Carolyn, you know that. Now, Nancy had success at getting her to talk to her last time; if we think she needs someone I will call Nancy." he told her. Carolyn nodded; she knew that he was right.

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Carolyn was wringing her hands, as Meredith walked in through the front door later that afternoon, Carolyn asked no questions as to where she had gone, but it was unusual for her to be back long past the girl's finishing school.

"Meredith, can you come and sit down please?" Carolyn asked as she noticed Meredith pass the living room door.

"Yes, off course Carolyn," Meredith said walked into the living room.

"We need to talk to you," Carolyn said, has Chris squeezed her hand in a show of support. They both thought it was best to let Carolyn deal with it. Meredith was much closer to Carolyn then she was too him, plus she also had the trust of both Lexie and Molly.

"Has something happened to girls?" Meredith asked sounding terrified.

"No, the girls are fine," Carolyn assured her with a soft smile.

"Where are the girls?" Meredith asked noticing how quiet the house seemed.

"Nancy collected the girls and they are staying with her tonight," Carolyn told her.

"Why?" Meredith asked confused, wondering why Nancy would be taking the girls tonight, but Meredith's thoughts were interrupted by Derek speaking.

"Mom, dad."

"Derek, what are doing here? I thought you were meeting Isabelle for lunch?" Chris asked his him.

"What is going on?" Derek asked as he ignored his father's questions.

"Derek, we are talking to Meredith so can you please go upstairs?" Chris asked him.

Derek took a quick look at Meredith, who tried to avoid his eyes but eventually made eye contact with him. One look and he could tell how scared she was and that she didn't understand what was going on. He took a step into the room and sat on the arm of the chair that Meredith was sitting on. He turned his attention to his parents and he rested his hands above Meredith's keeping them still. He was surprised that Meredith didn't fight him and pull away from him. Carolyn made contact with her son's eye and nodded at Chris, allowing him to take to point.

"Meredith, we received a telegram from your father's lawyer this morning," he started out gently.

"W...W...what happened?" she asked, sounding like a scared little girl.

"Meredith...I am so sorry but we received word that..." Chris stumbled over the words. "Meredith...it's about your parents…" Chris said, grasping hold of Carolyn's hand.

"What about them? Are they sending for us to go back home? Meredith asked quickly, hope displaying on her face. Chris and Carolyn hated destroying that hope. Carolyn sat forward, resting her hand on Chris's shoulder, causing him to look at her, they carried on a conversation with just their eyes. Carolyn stood up and crossed the room to take Meredith's hands in her's, she knelt down and meeting Meredith's eyes she needed to tell her the truth.

"I am so sorry Meredith but we were informed this morning that your parents died last month," Carolyn told her, her gaze never wavering. She could see the light die in Meredith's eyes, before Meredith pulled her hand away from Carolyn.

"No, No...They have made a mistake…" Meredith muttered, not believing it for an instant.

"Mere..." Carolyn said

"No, they wouldn't leave us," Meredith stated shaking her head and getting up and away from Carolyn. She could no longer stand her touch. Pacing the room, Meredith kept muttering to herself "_No...No...it isn't true"_. Carolyn got up and walked over to Meredith reaching out for her hand as Meredith stepped back out of Carolyn reach.

"Mer..." Carolyn said, before Meredith ran out of the room, Carolyn started after her until Derek stopped her.

"Ma, give her some time to digest this and I will go and see her."

"Derek, she shouldn't be on her own right now," Carolyn said.

"Carolyn, Derek is right, let her have this time to deal with the news and then we will talk to her when she is ready."

"What about the girls? What do we tell them?" Carolyn asked, Chris placed his arm around his wife.

"Meredith will tell the girls when she is ready and when she thinks the girls are ready to know," Chris told her.

"Chris..."

"Mom," Derek interrupted her. "Dad is right, it would be better for the girls to hear it from Meredith rather than one of us."

"I know you are both right but I just worry that Meredith won't tell them," Carolyn admitted to them.

"She will but let the news sink in first," Derek told her. "Just let her come to terms with it."

"Okay," Carolyn nodded, giving into her husband and son, even if she did not agree with them. "I should start dinner, Amelia and Olivia should be home soon." Carolyn said, as she stood up and walked out of the lounge and stopped at the bottom of the stairs. She looked up to where she could hear Meredith crying. She considered going up to comfort the girl she saw was like a daughter to her, but reminded herself of what Chris and Derek said to her and she knew they were right, so with a heavy heart she walked pass the stairs and into the kitchen.


	19. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

Running up the stairs and into her bedroom, Meredith tried to keep the tears at bay until she was in the safety of her bedroom. It was only after she lay down on the bed, and buried her head into the pillow that she let the tears come. They had to have gotten it wrong, there was no way that her parents would leave them, they had to be fine.

She knew deep down that they had died, she felt it but she wouldn't… no couldn't acknowledge that fact. The girls needed their mummy and daddy and so did she. Why did everyone she love leave her? She wondered how long it would be until the girls decided that they didn't need her anymore, and then she would truly be alone. She couldn't stop the tears, as she wondered how on earth she would tell the girls. Curling into a ball, she let the tears fall, she never heard Derek knocking or entering the bedroom and didn't notice when Derek sat down on the bed next to her until she felt his hand resting on her back.

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After an hour, Derek knocked gently on Meredith's bedroom door. He had spent the last forty five minutes sitting outside her bedroom door listening to her cry. After thirty minutes her cries had gotten quieter. He was giving her the space she that she needed to come to terms with what had happened but he wanted to be nearby just in case she needed someone; even though he would probably be the last person she would want to comfort her. When he couldn't hear her crying anymore he was worried. He stood up and knocked on the door and he called out her name.

"Meredith."

After no response he knocked again but refrained from calling out her name, he knew that she wouldn't answer him anyway, and after knocking a few more times he tried the door handle and was surprised to find it unlocked. As he stepped into the bedroom, he stopped for a second and took a quick look around the room before his eyes landed on Meredith who was curled up on the bed, her head buried into her knees and her arms wrapped around her knees. His heart broke for her; he needed to touch her; to let her know she wasn't alone in this, that she had someone who was willing to be there for her. Walking steady towards the bed, he sat on the edge and his hand hovered just above her back, not quite touching her but enough so that she knew she wasn't alone. Swallowing hard, Derek battled with his subconscious which warned him to stay away but he couldn't.

"Meredith" he said gently, his hand finally resting on her back.

"Llll...lll...leave...me...alone" Meredith said in between sobs, not wanting the company. She just wanted to be left alone.

"Mer..."

"Please..." she begged him.

"I am not leaving you alone Meredith" Derek told her.

"I...don't...want you. Anyone but you" Meredith stated firmly. He was the last person that she wanted near her and the last person she wanted comfort from now.

Hearing those words come out of Meredith's mouth, hurt Derek more than she would ever know, but Derek knew that he deserved them. "You are stuck with me Meredith, I am not going anywhere" Derek told her, swinging his legs up on the bed and wrapping his arms around her waist.

Meredith fought his embrace so much that it hurt, but at the same time it also brought her some comfort. She felt safe as she relaxed into his embrace and allowed Derek to comfort her. Curling into him, she rested her head on his chest, still crying heavily. "I am so sorry Meredith" she heard him murmur into her hair, his fingers running through her blonde hair as he planted a soft kiss to her head. She clung to him; she didn't have the energy to push him away anymore, she couldn't. She needed someone, she needed him, and she couldn't do this on her own anymore.

"They can't be..." she cried out, holding on tighter to Derek.

"Ssshhh, its okay Meredith. I promise you, everything will be okay."

"Der..." she said as she started crying again and clung on tightly to his shirt, Derek just ran his hand over her head in a soothing motion, like he had seen her doing to her sisters when they had been upset. He let Meredith cry it out until she was weeping quietly.

As Meredith lifted her head up she meet Derek's eyes for the first time in months ever since he had announced his engagement to Isabelle, but right now at this present time she didn't care… she needed to forget everything. Her lips met Derek's.

Derek was shocked that Meredith had initiated a kiss; she had never done that before. In the few kisses they had previously shared it was always him who initiated the kissing and for a moment he forgot everything and kissed her back, their tongues duelled together until he came back to his senses and pulled away.

"Mer...stop" he said breathlessly, already missing her lips as she pulled away from him.

"Don't you want me anymore" Meredith said sadly. She should have expected this, everyone left her, her mother, her parents, no one stayed for her.

"God Meredith...no"

"Then what is the problem?" she asked him. He had been chasing her for months and when she decided to go with her feelings, he changed his mind.

"Mer, you are upset and not thinking straight," Derek told her.

"I am thinking more clearly, perhaps for the first time in months," Meredith responded deep down knowing that she was lying to both him and herself.

"No you aren't Meredith, you are upset and no matter how much i want this, you don't want to do this, not really. You would hate yourself...and then you would hate me," Derek said as an afterthought. He hated the thought of her hating him.

"Derek...I do want this...Life is too short…" Meredith told him as she pressed her lips against him again. This is what she wanted right now. Derek stopped fighting her and let her kiss him, he couldn't deny that this was what he wanted as Meredith's tongue swept over his lips, he parted his mouth and kissed her lazily allowing her to do the work. One of Derek's hands grabbed her hair whilst the other ran over her side, down to her hips and then rested just above her ass, and he groaned loudly. This brought them both back to reality.

"Oh god…" Meredith muttered as she closed her eyes.

"It's fine Meredith."

"No," she said moving out of Derek's arms, suddenly feeling cold she missed the warmth that his arms had provided. "I am so sorry."

"Mer...stop...You are still in shock, I have already forgotten about it," Derek told her, moving over the bed so that he could sit next to her. He wanted to take her hand but refrained from doing so in case she shook him off.

"I miss them so much Derek," she said so quietly that Derek strained to hear her.

"I know Meredith, and I am so sorry," he told her, his hand gently resting on her back. "I am here for you Meredith, as a friend or anything else you need," Derek told her. For Meredith he would be anything and everything that she needed him to be.

"What is going to happen to us, to the girls?" she asked sounding vulnerable.

"Meredith you will always have a place here with us, for as long as both you and the girls will need. My parents already think of you all like daughters and I can guarantee you that will not change," Derek told her, knowing that it was true.

"It's only until the end of the war, and then we will see them again…" Meredith muttered reverting back to the idea that her parents were still alive. It was the only way that she could cope with this, believing that her parents were still alive

"Meredith..."

"No Derek, they have made a mistake, mum and daddy are fine, and they wouldn't leave us…"

"Meredith."

"Do not Meredith me, they wouldn't leave us," she said with such conviction that it made Derek sad, especially as previously she seemed to be accepting what had happened.

"Mer..." Derek started to say but was cut off by Meredith once again pressing her mouth against his. He knew that he should push her away but he couldn't… this was what he wanted since he first laid eyes on her six months ago.

Derek could not help the groan that left his mouth and pulled her closer to him. Derek pulled Meredith on top of him as he laid back on the bed knowing that she could feel his desire for her but he didn't care. This was Meredith in his arms and he had promised her that he would be there in whatever way she needed him, even if it meant that she would hate him in the long run.

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Derek watched as Meredith slept with her head on his chest, he berated himself, knowing that Meredith would hate herself in the morning. He should have been the person to walk away, she was vulnerable and he felt like a bastard for taking advantage of her. He placed a small kiss on top of her head as he whispered "I'm so sorry, Meredith." He gently laid her back on the bed, placing a pillow underneath her head. Standing up he watched her as she snuggled into the pillow. He smiled at her sleeping form, knowing that she wouldn't let this happen again. The kisses they shared would have sustain him, he had made his bed when he proposed to Isabelle and now he lad to lie in it. Looking back once more he gently closed her bedroom door behind him.


	20. Chapter 18 Christmas with the Shepherds

**Sorry about the wait, I have been suffering from writers block on this story but I think I might finally have gotten over it. Some good news for all my readers, a little spoiler of such Isabelle will be gone at the end of Chapter 24. I am sure that will make many people happy including myself.**

**Christmas time at the Shepherd's has arrived. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 18-Christmas with the Shepherd's**

It was Christmas Eve and it had been a few days since the Shepherd's had received the news about Thatcher and Susan Grey. The Shepherds were surprised that Meredith hadn't told the girls the terrible news yet. Since finding out Meredith had been subdued and it was beginning to concern Carolyn, mainly because Meredith had begun to revert back into the shell that she was in when she first arrive in the US and secondly that she was unwilling to share the news with Lexie and Molly.

Meredith made the effort to put on a happy face in front of the girls but when she was alone she couldn't stop the tears and she found herself leaning on Derek more and more as Christmas approached. Apart from Carolyn and Christopher, no one else knew. Meredith had begged them to keep it to themselves until after Christmas; she didn't want anyone else knowing before the girls did. Carolyn and Chris agreed to her wishes even though they were not happy with it. However they had never realised that Meredith had no intention of telling the girls before Christmas.

After the Shepherd's had gone to bed, Meredith went and stood on the porch, wrapped in the blanket she had brought with her from London, it was one of the last things she had from her mother and she couldn't believe that she had to spend Christmas away from mum and dad. She had always looked forward to Christmas simply because it was the only day that her father spent with them all year.

Meredith was so deep in thoughts that she never sensed Derek standing behind her in the doorway watching her until she felt a hand come to rest on her shoulder, causing her to jump and let a little scream come out of her mouth. Derek stepped back and raised his hands, so not to scare her anymore.

"I am sorry...I didn't mean to scare you Meredith" he told her.

"I...sor...I..." Meredith looked down at her feet, feeling the tears spilling down her cheeks.

Derek hated seeing her cry and took a step forward, and placed his fingers under her chin and lifted her head up. His heart broke for her when he saw the pain etched across her face. He pulled her close to him and wrapped her up in his embrace as Meredith let the tears fall, sobbing into shirt. Derek guided her over to the seat on the porch and sat down with Meredith on his lap and held her close. Derek planted little kisses on top of her head and buried his face within her hair.

Derek held her, letting her cry for as long as she needed him. They had no idea how long they were sitting there until Meredith lifted her head and met Derek's cobalt blue eyes. Before she knew what was happening she found herself being drawn into his gaze and she felt Derek's lips touch hers. Without thinking Meredith melted into the kiss and let her tongue slip against Derek's slightly opened mouth. Derek deepened the kiss, and their tongues duelled together until Meredith pulled away only to rest her forehead against his.

"I know. I should be sorry..." Meredith said before Derek placed a finger over her lips to quieten her.

"Please...Mer...Don't. Not tonight" he said, his eyes silently begging her not to say anymore, he couldn't bear to hear her say those words. Meredith nodded and Derek pressed his lips to her's once more, knowing that it was wrong but unable to stop himself.

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The next morning as Meredith came downstairs, she was slightly surprised that they girls were not up yet, but then maybe not as she remember back to the previous evening before her encounter with Derek on the porch, had to rock Molly to sleep as she had been crying out for her parents. Lexie didn't settle either last night; she had insisted on cuddling her and wouldn't let go until she had fallen asleep.

"Morning" Olivia said half asleep to Meredith.

"Merry Christmas Liv."

"Merry Christmas Meredith," Olivia said pouring herself out some fresh orange juice. "No one else up yet" she asked, and Meredith shook her head.

"Well that is not entirely true," Derek said from behind her, Meredith ducked her head, trying not to look at Derek or blush as she thought back to the kisses they had shared on the porch last night.

"Merry Christmas Olivia," Derek said giving his baby sister a hug, before she left the kitchen. Once she left the room, Derek walked over to Meredith and kissed her gently on the head, like he had been doing it all of his life. "Lexie and Molly not..."

"Meri, Meri," they could hear the girls shouting before they ran into the kitchen giving Derek time to get on the other side of the table and away from Meredith and sat down as Lexie and Molly both jumped on to Meredith's lap and planted kisses on each of her cheeks. Meredith was glad that the evidence of tears from the previous night had disappeared.

"When can we open our presents?" Lexie asked her sister, causing Meredith to laugh, which in turn cause Derek to lift his head up, he had never heard Meredith laugh before, at least not properly, and he could not deny the effect it had on him.

"Once everyone has woken up Alexandra, do not be so impatient" Meredith admonished her. "Besides we have to sing hymns first...let me take you both upstairs and get dressed the way our parents expected us too"

"Yes Meredith" Lexie said sounding all grown up as she jumped off Meredith's lap, followed by Molly. Meredith laughed once again and followed her sisters up to their bedroom.

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Watching the girls singing Oh Bethlehem brought tears to Meredith eyes, grateful that the Shepherd's would bring one of their Christmas traditions into their first Christmas away from home. Singing Oh Bethlehem before they would open their Christmas presents was a tradition that Meredith could remember since she was a child, not that she did it anymore, she hadn't since she turned 16. Meredith sat and watched the girls as they opened the presents from their parents which must have been sent before the accident as Meredith liked to call it and couldn't stop the stray tear that fell.

Derek watched Meredith closely knowing how hard this day would be for her and sensing that she was ready to fall apart. He placed a hand on her lower back and it gave her the strength she needed, especially when Lexie handed her a present that read '_from mum and daddy'_

"Thank you Lexie" Meredith muttered, taking a deep breath before she ripped open the paper. She couldn't stop the tears from falling as she opened each of the presents her father had sent over, before they died.

Lexie sat on the other side of Meredith, opposite Derek and leant into her sister, while Molly climbed on her lap and rested her head on Meredith chest as Meredith wrapped her arms around both of the girls has she tried to get a grip of her emotions. She was glad when she heard the Shepherd's opening their presents, giving the siblings some privacy, even Derek left her side and she could finally breathe again.

"I love you Meredith," Lexie told her.

"I love you too Lex," Meredith told, giving her a kiss on the head.

"I love you too Meri," Molly piped up from her spot on Meredith's lap.

"I love you too Molly," Meredith told her with a smile; Molly never failed to make her smile no matter how down she felt.

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Christmas dinner was the complete opposite to what Meredith and the girls were used too. It was a noisy affair especially with all the Shepherd siblings, their husbands and their children but it was good for the girls and it helped Meredith to keep her mind off her parents for the day and allowing her to enjoy the day.

Meredith could see how much the girls had enjoyed their Christmas, and when they went to bed that night with a smile on their face, Meredith knew that she made the right choice in not telling the girls yet. She wanted them to stay innocent for as long as possible but in a way she envied Molly, in time she would forget their parents and start calling someone else mummy and daddy, she would likely forget how painful this was and she wished that she and Lexie would be so fortunate as to not know any better.

"Merry Christmas and goodnight girls" she said before closing the door to their bedroom, unable to stop the tears from falling.

**Please Read and Review.**


	21. Chapter 19

**A/N I want to say thanks to the following readers for adding this story to story alerts, icefirewave, Manic Penguin , insomniac4liFe96 and for the reviews Brandi Rochon and pomb63.**

**Chapter 19**

"Meredith…" Derek said has he reached out and grabbed her by the arm, as she walked by his room.

It had been a month since Meredith had been told about her parent's death, and a month since their kiss in her room. It was strange because in a way their relationship was even more strained, but at the same time they were closer than they had been before. Meredith needed someone to rely on and somehow that person was Derek. Their only disagreement was over Meredith's reluctance to tell Lexie and Molly.

"What do you want?" Meredith glared at him.

"You need to tell them Meredith…they deserve to know…" Derek answered back.

"Don't you dare tell me what I should and should not tell my sisters," Meredith almost yelled back, her fists hitting his chest, until he grabbed her arms and pushed her against the wall.

"Meredith, it has been over a month, I understand that you wanted to make sure that the girls had a good Christmas but it is time that you were honest with them," he told her, not wanting to hurt her but knowing that Meredith could long avoid the issue.

"I c…c…can't," Meredith said quietly, her eyes filling up with tears. Derek's heart broke that little bit more for her, he knew that she was struggling to come to terms with the news but he also knew that hiding it from Lexie and Molly was not doing either her or the girls any good. It was not allowing her grieve.

"Meredith…you have to accept that it has happened, that your parents are dead."

"No…" Meredith said shaking her head in defiance. In that moment Derek realised that Meredith had not accepted her parent's death.

All Meredith wanted to do was to wake up from this nightmare and find that her parents were still alive and that they were all living together in London with her parents.

"Mer…I am so sorry," Derek whispered as he apologised to her, knowing that what he was about to do would hurt her more than anything. He closed his eyes has he gave her a gentle kiss on the mouth; before opening them and looking Meredith directly in the eye "Meredith, your parents are dead."

"No…No…No…" Meredith muttered as she looked away from him. Derek held her face with his hands and made her look at him. Meredith tried to avoid eye contact with him but when she did Derek repeated it once again.

"They are dead, Meredith." he said firmly but gently.

"NO…" Meredith screamed at him. "NO…NO…NO…"

"Mer…" Derek said, has she started hitting him with her tiny ineffectual fists. "I am so sorry"

"YOU ARE LYING" Meredith screamed at him.

"You know I am not lying…Meredith…You think I like seeing you in this much pain…that I want to hurt you like this," Derek told her as he wrapped his arms around her. Meredith tried to fight him but he was too strong for her.

"Please…No…No…No," Meredith muttered as she stopped fighting Derek and let him hold her securely against his chest, as she cried, finally mourning and finally grieving for her parents.

She was alone, first her mom and then her dad and step mum A silent scream pressed against Derek's chest as Meredith lost herself in the arms of the man she loved. Yes she could admit to herself at long last that she loved him but he wasn't hers to keep, but right now she needed him. Derek just held her letting her poor out her grief. Neither of them knew how long she stayed in Derek's arms, but she felt safe and as she lifted her head, she gave him a small sad smile. Derek kissed her on the top of the head.

"Would you like me to be to be there; when you tell them?" Derek asked Meredith, gently rubbing his thumb along her bare arm.

"Thanks for the offer but no," Meredith whispered, this was something she had to do on her own. She had relied too much on Derek recently. She was even doing something that she knew was wrong and never thought that she would ever do and that was finding comfort in the arms of another woman's man but it was the only comfort she would allow herself. Meredith vowed that once she was past this she would never take was never her's to begin with ever again.

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Meredith watched the girls playing in the garden for a few minutes before calling them into the house. They were happy, carefree and having fun. Not like those days in London, where they always had to be aware and listen out for an air raid siren to sound or the bombs to fall. Derek was right she knew that she needed to tell them; and that she had been putting it off. Derek's little speech to her that morning had pulled her head together and she knew that she couldn't keep hiding it from them and kept thinking how she would have felt if she discovered that someone had kept that kind of secret from her.

"Lexie, Molly…" Meredith said as she called the girls.

The siblings stopped what they were doing and looked at each other for a moment, wondering what their sister could be calling them for as it wasn't yet dinner time.

"Coming," Lexie called back to Meredith. "Come on Molly" Lexie told her younger sister, pulling her up from the grass as they both ran towards her.

"Meri?" Molly asked frowning at her sister.

"Come into the house please girls," Meredith said to them and they followed her to the living room.

"What is it Meredith?" Lexie asked, as she noticed the sadness that had overtaken her sister since just before Christmas. Lexie was scared Meredith was going leave them here in the US that Meredith would go back home.

"Please… come and sit down," Meredith asked them, and watched as the girls came and sat on either side of her. Meredith closed her eyes has she took the girls hands within her own; and opened her eyes.

"Now girls I need you to both be very brave for me, I have some bad news... You know how mummy and daddy sent us to stay here with the Shepherd's so that we would be safe whilst the war was going on?" Meredith said, unconsciously squeezing the girls hand as she continued. Meredith tried to keep back the tears that were threatening to fall. "Molly, Lexie… I am so sorry but mummy and daddy were in an explosion."

"Are they alright?" Lexie asked, understanding what Meredith was telling her was silently praying that her sister had to be wrong.

"Lexie, Molly, I am sorry but they died," Meredith told them, not able to prevent the tears anymore.

"I don't believe you…" Lexie cried out, pulling her hand away from her sister.

"Lex…" Meredith said reaching out to her, but Lexie avoided her reach and ran out of the room. Meredith watched her go, wanting to go after her sister but at the same time she could feel Molly's death grip on her arm. Turning to her baby sister, Meredith wrapped her arms around her and lifted her onto her lap.

"Meri…when… can we… see mummy, daddy?" Molly asked. Meredith realised then that Molly didn't understand what was happening. Meredith had been to keep Molly away from all this, and in a strange and horrible way she was hoping that she had forgotten about their parents and therefore save the little girl from any confusion.

"Mols, we aren't going to see mummy and daddy again for a long time."

"Go…home?" she asked. Meredith shook her head.

"This is home…"

"No…" Molly said before crying, she didn't understand much but what she did understand was that she wanted her mummy and daddy.

"Molly" Meredith breathed as she gave her baby sister a hug.

"I want mummy and daddy…" Molly cried.

"I know Molly so do I sweetheart. Mummy and Daddy love you very much Molly and they wouldn't leave us if they could help it," Meredith said as she tried to comfort her baby sister and as she heard Molly's cries, Meredith's own tears finally fell.

**Please Read and Review**


	22. Chapter 20

**I am posting this a little earlier than planned this week, as I am going away for the wedding for a friend's wedding. This chapter leaves on a little cliffy and thanks to Jill for proofing as always **

**I want to thank the following readers for adding this to their story alerts, favourite stories and to those who review, that means so much and as I don't thank you readers often enough. Thank you, without to guys there would be no story. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 20**

It had been a week since Meredith had informed the girls about their parents death, Lexie hadn't spoken to anyone since then, and she pulled away from everyone but Meredith especially, Lexie spent most of her time in her room, only coming out for meals, since Carolyn and Chris didn't give her a choice. Meredith didn't know what to do about Lexie. Meredith was really worried about her. Molly seemed to be handling the news better than Lexie, but overnight she had turned into a little chatterbox and then she had been started throwing tantrums, which she never had before and it had been driving Meredith mad for the last three days, which was why Meredith was hiding in the larder whilst Molly was screaming for mummy.

"Meredith" she heard someone say, and looking up through her tears, she could see Christopher standing there.

"I...i" she let her sobs over take her and Chris stepped over to her and wrapped his arms around the sobbing girl. He let Meredith cry it out, he had watched her getting more and more stressed with Molly and the situation with Lexie wasn't helping matters and he knew that Meredith needed a break from the girls, just to relax.

In the past 9 months since they arrived from England Meredith had become more open to receiving help from him and Carolyn when it came to the girls but she still took on the majority of their care herself. Chris still worried about Meredith more so than any of the other girls, he knew that Lexie and Molly would grieve and move on but he wasn't sure about Meredith. He had watched her become increasingly closer to Derek, and how much she relied on him lately and it worried him, especially knowing how much Derek was struggling with his feelings for Meredith and for Isabelle, not to mention Meredith was trying to ignore whatever was between them. He needed to talk to his son again, this wasn't fair on either if them.

"I'm sorry Chris" Meredith murmured her first words in 30 minutes.

"Why are you sorry?" he asked her.

"For running out like that" she sniffled out.

"Meredith…we understand that it got too much for you, you know you are not alone"

"I am so tired; Lexie isn't talking to me and Molly is constantly throwing temper tantrums and I don't know if I can handle it anymore" she admitted to him.

"Meredith, listen to me. You need to take a break from the girls; Carolyn and myself are taking Amelia and Olivia to the pictures this evening, so we will take Lexie and Molly too. I want you to rest and take some time for yourself Meredith" Chris told her, Meredith simply nodded her head in agreement and that told Chris just how tired Meredith was.

"You coming back out Meredith?"

"Not yet, I don't want the girls seeing me like this"

"Alright Meredith" Chris said, before leaving her alone in the larder.

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Meredith was stood in the doorway of the kitchen holding a cup of tea has both the girls came barrelling down the stairs, they were off out with the Shepherd's. Going to see Hold Back the Dawn, she had to admit she was looking forward to the girls going out, she was exhausted and Chris was right she needed the break.

"Lexie…Molly" she called the girls, not surprised to find Lexie hesitate; she had barely spoken two words to her in over a week. "Alexandra…Come here "Meredith said in a firm tone, she was sick of her attitude.

"What?" Lexie snapped at her. Meredith took her head at her, but ignored her for a second whilst she sorted Molly out with her scarf, hat and gloves before putting her coat on her and giving her a kiss on the forehead.

"Lexie, go and put your scarf, gloves and hat on, it is cold out there" Meredith told her.

"I don't want too" she said stubbornly.

"I don't care what you don't want to do, it is freezing cold out and you are not going out unless you do as you are told"

"You are not my mother" she snapped at her.

"As you like to remind me when things don't go your way Lexie but mum and daddy put me in charge…"

"Don't call her that…she is not your mum" Lexie threw back at her, and promptly gasped as she realised what she said. "I'm sorry" she said, when she saw the tears forming in Meredith's eyes. Lexie took a step forward towards her sister.

"Wrap up warm, Alexandra" Meredith said before walking away from her sister and running up the stairs.

"Mer…" Lexie started to say until she felt someone resting a hand on her shoulder and she looked up to see Carolyn looking at her. "I didn't mean…"

"I know Lexie, go and get your stuff on and you can talk to your sister when we get home" Carolyn said to her and Lexie nodded. Carolyn watched her go; she had to admit she was a little worried that she was going to spill about Ellis; before following her out of the door.

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Derek found himself walking past Meredith's room, he had seen her run past him on the first floor silently crying, he had spent enough time watching her to know her moods from just how she carried herself, and hearing her door slam, he knew something was wrong. He knew that he was supposed to stay away from her but he couldn't leave her like that, and he suddenly found himself standing outside of her room and knocking on her door.

"Meredith" he called gently before gently opening the door, he could see her curled up on her bed, clutching a pillow and sobbing her heart out.

Derek couldn't stand hearing her crying any longer, he walked over to the bed and sat on the edge at first and then he laid down on the bed but not moving any closer to her, staying near the edge of the bed. He daren't get closer to her, his hand reached out and hovered just over her clothes so he wasn't quite touching her and then she rolled over, and buried her face into his chest.

Meredith couldn't stop the tears falling has Lexie's words reverberated in her head "_she is not your mum_" over and over and she cried into the pillow. Meredith felts like she was truly alone in the world; she didn't want to feel anymore. She didn't hear him open her door and didn't feel him sit and then lie down on the bed beside her until she felt his arms hover above her waist. She was tired of fighting her feelings, she was tired of mourning and being blamed for everything, she just wanted to feel loved. She turned around and buried her face into his chest before lifting her head up to meet his blue eyes and without even thinking she lifted her head and touched her lips to his own briefly in a gentle caress.

"Meredith…"

"Shush" she said, running her tongue over his lips, and he parted them slightly and she took the opportunity to explore his mouth with her tongue. Derek's hand buried themselves in her blonde hair, but they rested gently, giving her the option to pull away when she was ready.

**TBC**

**What does it mean for Meredith and Derek's relationship; will it make it worse or better? Please read and Review and I will post again on Monday with the second part of this chapter.**


	23. Chapter 21

**A/N A huge thanks to Kate and Jill who helped me to write this chapter, as I really struggled with writing. And also again to Jill for proofing.**

**Chapter 21**

Meredith let her hands slide down Derek's side feeling his flesh through his shirt, and she pulled him closer to her, pressing herself against him in every possible way. Derek was more hesitant; he was kissing her back but his kisses were softer, and more gentle. Derek pulled his head away as he whispered her name and waited for a response. Meredith looked up at him with tears in her eyes, as she pleaded with him not to let her go. The emotions that she was pouring from her body pulled him back towards her lips and he started kissing her gently and before long his tongue slipped in between her salt glossed lips. Meredith kissed him back her tongue battling with his as she deepened the kiss.

"Meredith…are…you…sure?" Derek asked her in between kisses, he needed to keep himself focused which was proving very hard to do when Meredith kept kissing him in the manner that she was doing. His body's reaction to those kisses made it even harder for him to keep focused.

"Derek…shut up" Meredith whispered as she pulled his shirt out of his trousers, and kissed him hard. Her hand sneaked inside the shirt and the feel of her skin against his caused him to shudder, as her tongue tangled with his.

Derek hands remained on her hips, not moving them; somehow he needed to stay in control. Derek flipped Meredith on to her back and pulled away from her. His blue orbs met her green, and he could see the desire in her eyes.

"Derek…I want this," Meredith told him, kissing him on his neck, whilst her thumbs rested just inside his trousers, Meredith could feel his erection through his trousers, and although she would admit to herself that she was a little scared, she wanted, no she needed this, she needed to forget everything that happened.

"Mer…I know you think you do," Derek said, as he moved off her. He had to stop this before it went too far, he knew that they had already gone too far and that if they were to do this then it would only hurt her in the long run and he couldn't bear that. Derek admitted that he had played around with her feelings for far too long and he knew that he needed to be the one to stop.

"Don't tell me what I think, I know what I want," Meredith answered back as she looked directly at him.

"Meredith…I don't want to hurt you," Derek told her.

"Well guess what you already did," Meredith snapped back at him "I never ask you for anything Derek, I only ask you this one thing."

"Meredith…we can't do this. You will hate me."

"Derek," Meredith said reaching over to him, unable to hide the tears from her eyes.

"Mer…don't…" Derek said pulling his hand away from her. "I am sorry Meredith; I should have never let it go as far as it did, I should have stopped it sooner. The last thing I want to do is to hurt you, I have been selfish," Derek turned to face her, noticing for the first time the tears, he badly wanted to reach out to her, to take her in his arms and hold her but he resisted.

"You are so strong Meredith, both you and the girls will be fine. I knew you needed someone to rely on and I wanted to be that person, I like you a lot, even more than I am supposed too but I have let myself get too close to you, and that isn't fair to you," Derek sighed.

"I am marrying Isabelle, and I need to remember that. I don't want to hurt you anymore than I already have," Derek leant over and gave her lips a brush with his own, gently caressing her cheek with his thumb, Meredith leant into his caress and closed her eyes.

"I wish…" she murmured.

"I know…so do I," Derek whispered as stroked her hair. "Goodbye Meredith," he said as he gently moved out from Meredith's embrace and walked quietly out of the room.

As he approached her bedroom door he turned and took one last look at Meredith. She was lying in ball in her bed, almost in what would be described as the fetal position and she was crying softly. His heart was breaking for her and he so badly wanted to go back to her bed and comfort her, but he knew how badly that move would be misinterpreted by Meredith so he turned and walked out of her bedroom and closed the door quietly behind him and he walked across the hallway to his own room.

Derek sighed as he lay down on his bed, he could hear Meredith's soft sobs and as much as he tried to block out the noise he couldn't. He hated refusing her, but he had too. He made a commitment to Isabelle, his future was all planned out in front of him, but now instead of thinking of a lifetime with Isabelle, he dreamt it was with Meredith, and as for tonight… it was the first time Meredith had acted truthfully towards her feelings her him and as much as he wanted to make love her he couldn't, and not because of his commitment to Isabelle. It was because he knew that Meredith would wake up tomorrow morning she would regret it. She would hate him for allowing it to happen and hate herself even more for her wanton behaviour and that was last thing he wanted. In that moment Derek realised the depth of his emotions of Meredith, he wanted to love her, he wanted what she had started tonight, the touch of her soft, tiny hands on his body made him crazy with desire but if and when they are to make love Derek wanted to be an act of love, that it was because she truly loved him and it was not an attempt to take away the pain of her losing her parents.

Everything was a mess. Why did he have to go and make that commitment to Isabelle? Especially when there was still a chance to back out…now everything was a mess. He had done the one thing he had never wanted to do in all his life and that was hurt Meredith. He knew for now she was upset, but for tomorrow and for the foreseeable future she would avoid him out of embarrassment of her actions and he would never have a proper chance to explain things.

Derek continued to lie there and finally he could no longer hear Meredith's cries. But as soon as he realised that she was finally getting the rest she so badly needed he heard the front door open and voices in the hallway.

"Derek... Meredith we're home…"

**I am dodging anything that is being thrown at me...lol. Remember Isabelle will be gone in a few chapters. Read Read and Review :) **


	24. Chapter 22

**I want to thank everyone for as reviewed, add this to sotroy alerts and favourite stories lists. I am glad that you are enjoying my story. Isabelle will be gone in two updates so not long now. I have to say I was surprised at how many people wanted them to sleep together and originally that was my intention but i changed my mind that was more guilt that Meredith didn't need. The _italics _are flashbacks. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 22- April 1941**

It had been three months since the night Meredith had practically threw herself at him and he turned her down. It had also been three months since he had seen her or had been home. Derek could admit to himself that he missed her but he had to keep his distance, he had hurt her for the last time.

_Flashback_

"_Derek... Meredith we're home…"Carolyn called, noting how quiet the house was._

"_Hey ma" Derek greeted her from the top of the stairs._

"_Derek. Where's Meredith? Lexie asked him._

"_She is sleeping Lexie; she said she had a headache so she had an early night"_

"_Alright I will get Molly ready for bed. Come on Mols" Lexie said guiding her up the stairs._

_Carolyn for the first time noticed that Derek had a bag packed and that he placed it by the stairs._

"_Derek. What is going on?" she asked._

"_Der…" Olivia said._

"_Liv…please go and get ready for bed, I will see you soon"_

"_You can't leave us Derek" she begged him._

"_Olivia…Amelia, please go and get yourself ready for bed" Chris told them, in a no nonsense voice. The girls listened to their father and did what he said._

"_Derek what is going on?" Chris asked his son, noticing the red rimmed eyes that couldn't hide away the evidence of his tears._

"_I am going back to the apartment with Mark, dad" he told his parents._

"_Why son?" Chris asked, although he had an idea why._

"_Because by being here all I am doing is hurting Meredith and I don't want to do that anymore dad"_

"_Derek, this is your home?" Carolyn said, reaching out for her son._

"_I know that Ma; but me being here certainly isn't fair to Meredith and it isn't fair to me"_

"_What do you mean?" Carolyn asked him._

"_Mom, I love Meredith; you must be able to see that" Derek admitted aloud for the first time._

"_I can"_

"_Then, what is it doing to Meredith? I have let this go on long enough; firstly I led her on, and then got engaged to Isabelle when I knew she had feelings for me and I had feelings for her. I couldn't cope knowing that she like me like that when I had already promised someone else that we would get married. Then, when her parents died, she leaned on me and I liked the fact that she needed me; in a way that Isabelle doesn't. And I let her because I missed her, I wanted to be there for her and I found myself falling for her even more. I should have been the strong one, I am the one that has made a commitment to someone else and I need to honour that promise"_

"_What happened tonight Derek? You were both fine when we left"_

"_Ma that is not for me to say I won't do that to Meredith. Because no matter what I do love her, but it isn't fair to her. I need to make a clean break for us both. I am moving back in with Mark"_

"_Derek, make sure this is what you want?" Chris warned him. "Because once you make that choice there is no turning back from this. And I don't want to see Meredith hurt any more than she already is."_

"_I know, dad and what I want is to stop hurting the girl upstairs and this is the best way for her. She will find someone else"_

"_Derek, son, I love you and you need to do what is right, and for the record I do agree with you but don't do this for Isabelle or for Meredith, you need to make sure you make the right decision for yourself"_

"_Dad, it is the only decision I can make, and I know it is the right one"_

"_Fine. You look after yourself Derek" Chris said pulling his son in his embrace. "I am proud of you Derek" he said, before leaving mother and son alone._

"_Derek, are you sure…"_

"_Ma, I will see you soon. Tell the girls I love them" he said bending down and giving his mother a kiss on the head before picking up his bag and leaving the house._

That was the last night that he had been home, the last night he saw Meredith. His relationship with his fiancée had gotten back better but was he sure that he made the right decision; no he wasn't; but it was the choice he made. He was going home tomorrow for Easter; and he would see her for the first time in months.

Derek had heard from his sisters that she was secretly seeing someone, and that felt like a stab to the heart but that was her right, he prayed that things wouldn't be awkward between them.

MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD

As Derek drove up the driveway; he could see Lexie and Molly playing on the swing set and before he could stop himself he looked around for Meredith but couldn't see her, he felt a pang of disappointment. Pulling up in his usual parking spot in front of the house, he realised how much he missed home.

"Ma, Dad, anyone home?" Derek called out has he opened the door.

"Derek" he heard Olivia shouting before she ran out of the kitchen and gave her big brother a hug. "I missed you Der" she said with a huge smile.

"I missed you too, where is everyone?"

"Ma, dad, Kathy, Nancy are in the kitchen" she told him. Derek thanked her and made his way to the kitchen.

"Ma"

"Derek?" I wasn't expecting you until Saturday" Carolyn said standing up and giving her only son a hug.

"I know, but I haven't been home in three months and I missed you all. Hi Nance, Kath" he greeted his sister.

"You finally decided to come home then" Kath said to him.

"Figured it was about time" he replied.

"So it has nothing to do with that fact that Mer…"

"Kathleen…stop" Carolyn said.

"No Ma, it is alright. Mer what?"

"Nothing Derek"

"Finish what you were going to say Kathleen" he glared at his sister, who could tell he was pissed off.

"Der…"

"Were you about to say Meredith's boyfriend?" he asked, Kathleen just nodded."I am pleased for her, she deserves some happiness, I am going up to my room and I will be down for dinner later. Bye "Derek said leaving the kitchen, but not before overhearing Nancy saying.

"Nice one Kath, you couldn't leave it alone, could you?"

MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD

Slamming his bedroom shut, Derek was angry, angry at Kathleen for bring up the fact that Meredith had a boyfriend, angry at himself for giving her the chance to slip through his fingers, maybe he shouldn't have come home. He convinced himself that he was doing the right thing but now he wasn't so sure. Looking around the room, he couldn't help but remember the last time he stormed into this room, angry at himself, angry at Meredith.

_Flashback_

"_Derek... Meredith we're home…"he heard his father call and it that moment he knew exactly what he had to do. _

_Jumping off the bed, he quickly grabbed a bag from the top of his closet and just pulled his clothes out the drawers and closet and stuffed them in to the bag, not bothering to fold anything up; he needed to get out of the house, away from everything and everyone. He knew if he stayed that neither he nor Meredith would get on with their lives and he couldn't do that…not to Meredith. _

_It was time to move back to the apartment with Mark, and honour the commitment he had made to Isabelle, and he would never do that has long has he was in the same house has Meredith, Meredith was the woman that he couldn't have, she never belonged to him and she never would, he needed to accept that, and this was the only way he could. Zipping up his bag, he left the room, and pausing outside Meredith's room he could hear her soft snores and he whispered goodbye._


	25. Chapter 23 Confrontations Pt 1

**A/N Don't worry about Meredith's boyfriend, all is not what it seems; although I was tempted…Derek deserves some payback but I am not that cruel. Simon is just there is make Derek jealous; a plot device if you will. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 23**

It had been two days since Derek came home and Meredith was relieved that she managed to avoid him, even at the Good Friday Easter Egg Hunt that the Shepherd family held on their estate every year. Thankfully she had only managed to speak only word to him on the day that he had returned home and that was simply hello when she had returned home from her lunch date with Simon on Thursday

Since Derek had returned home Meredith had started to feel uncomfortable around him and this unnerved her. Derek was the one person that made her feel comfortable…safe but know, somehow things felt different. What didn't help was that he kept watching her and she couldn't deal with it. Everywhere she went she could feel his eyes on her, she would have accepted if she had been the one to reject to him, but he was the one that rejected her… he was the one who had pushed her away all those months ago… If she were being honest by not having Derek around these last three months had been a blessing in disguise as it allowed her the peace to mourn the death of her parents without any other distractions. She had time to grieve and to move on.

The more Meredith thought about it the more embarrassed she was of her actions that night behaving like a wanton woman; which she was not. Now Derek was constantly watching her, making her feel warm, her belly ache and her knickers get wet. It worried her but she didn't know what this meant but she did know was that she needed to forget Derek and spending time with Simon helped her to achieve that. Her thinking of Derek would only bring her pain.

She had met Simon at an open day at New York University and they had become friends, she needed a friend, especially once Derek had left. She wanted someone who was just a friend as she didn't want nor was she ready for it to become anything serious. Simon had proven to be a good friend but that is all he would ever be. Meredith fully planned to be returning to England as soon as the war was over. Simon was going to join them for Easter lunch the next day and she had also overheard from the Shepherd's that Isabelle was due to arrive on the same day too which would only add to the awkwardness between herself and Derek.

MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD

Meredith greeted Simon at the door of the Shepherd residence. This was his first time meeting the family that Meredith was staying with and Meredith was more nervous than she would like to admit, especially now that Derek was home and that Isabelle would be joining them.

"Meredith, how are you?" Simon asked as he greeted her, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

"I am fine," Meredith replied.

"You seem nervous," Simon remarked as he took in her nervous appearance.

"Meredith nervous…how that is unusual," Derek stated as he walked up behind them. Meredith closed her eyes at the sound of his voice. After taking a deep breath Meredith opened her eyes and introduced Simon to Derek.

"Derek…Meredith told me a lot about you," Simon said as he took Derek's hand. Meredith groaned.

"Really?" Derek asked as he looked over to Meredith instantly disliking the man.

"Oh who is this?" Isabelle asked as she walked over to them and took hold of Derek's arm possessively.

"This is Meredith's friend Simon," Derek remarked as Isabelle instantly picked up on the jealous tone of his voice. Deep down Isabelle wished that he sounded like that when he saw her chatting to men… and she didn't miss the thunderous look on his face either.

"Excuse my fiancé and his manners; allow me to introduce myself… I am Isabelle," she said introducing herself to Simon but her eyes never leaving Meredith.

"Of course, it is lovely to meet you Isabelle," Simon said as he greeted her with a kiss on her hand and before Isabelle could say anything…

"Meri…" Molly shouted as she ran down the stairs and into Meredith's arms.

"Molly!"

"Meri…Lexie won't let me play with her," Molly said crying. Meredith turned to Simon.

"It's fine, go and sort them out, I am sure Derek and Isabelle will introduce me to everyone," Simon said as he turned and reassured Meredith.

Meredith almost said something but decided not to, she didn't miss the smug look on Isabelle's face at the thought that Simon was her boyfriend and she never corrected her. Meredith never missed Derek's reaction either, and playing to the role, she kissed Simon on the lips gently before smiling at him.

Derek never realised that his grip tightened on Isabelle's hand at the sight of Meredith kissing some man, just as Isabelle never missed the expression on Derek's face and knew something drastic needed to happen.

"Thank you," Meredith muttered before running up the stairs after Molly, all the while hoping that Simon would be alright with Derek and Isabelle.

"No problem," Simon said as he watched Meredith as she walked up the stairs, before turning his attention back to Derek.

"So Meredith tells me…" Simon remarked as followed Derek into another room.

MDMDMDMDMMDMDMDMDMD

"Meredith, I was hoping you would be out here," Isabelle said as she walked out on to the porch where Meredith was watching her sisters playing in the garden.

"What do you want Isabelle?"

"Firstly, I want you to stay away from Derek," Isabelle demanded.

"Excuse me, I haven't spoken more than a few words to Derek in months, so I…"

"I am not stupid Meredith, I have eyes, I can see the way that Derek watches your every move," Isabelle practically spat at her.

"And how is that my fault Isabelle? I have no control over what Derek does or doesn't do."

"Maybe… maybe not," Isabelle fought back "but I watch how you are around him, you flirt with him and I am not going to lose my fiancé"

"You aren't, I am not interested in Derek."

"Now, I know that isn't true Meredith, and do you really think he would be interested in the daughter of a whore," Isabelle spat nastily at her.

"My mum…"

"The great Ellis Grey thinks she can disguise her past by marrying into a well to do family, well you know what they say… once a whore; always a whore."

"My mom died a long time ago."

"Is that what they told you? Maybe you should speak to Carolyn considering she is friends with her."

"What are you talking about Isabelle? Is this your way of getting rid of the competition? Because if it is you have no need to, I am not interested in Derek and even if I was the last time I checked Derek is engaged to you, so do not bring my mother who died a long time ago in to this."

"That is right Derek did ask me to marry him and don't you forget it… after all he wouldn't abandoned the mother of his child. We have decided to get married sooner rather than later."

"You're pregnant?" Meredith asked in disbelief as her heart felt like breaking.

"Yes and Derek is so excited," Isabelle gushed.

"I can im…"

"Excuse me Meredith…" Derek said angrily from behind her.

"Derek.." Isabelle stammered not expecting Derek to be standing there.

"Meredith, can you please leave us alone?" he asked her not taking his eyes of his fiancée.

**I think you can guess what is going to happen in the next chapter. Please Read and Review :)**


	26. Chapter 24 Confrontations Pt 2

**Since the last chapter gave me more reviews and I counted them at 7; than ever before on this story I give you this chapter early. And here is the chapter that you have all been waiting for. Enjoy!**

Meredith took one look at Derek, the expression on his face was clear as he stood and glared at his fiancée. Meredith nodded glad that the furious look was not directed at her as she turned to leave the porch and to give the couple some space.

"Where do you think you are going? Isabelle practically spat as Meredith walked past her.

"No Isabelle… leave Meredith out of this; she has nothing to do with this," Derek told her. "Meredith, go into the house please…" Derek said quietly as he turned and looked at Meredith and almost begged her to leave. The last thing he wanted was for her to witness what was going to happen next. Derek waited until he heard Meredith close the door behind her. "How dare you talk to her like that Isabelle?"

"Oh what a surprise… you defend her first?" Isabelle shouted at him, she was sick of hearing Derek defend Meredith.

"Do not bring Meredith into this…?" Derek warned her.

"Why not? She is the reason…"

"Meredith has nothing to do with this; this is between you and me Isabelle," Derek shouted as he took a step closer to her.

"You have no right talking to Meredith like that."

"It's always Meredith this, Meredith that. It like you are obsessed her with her Derek," Isabelle shouted back.

"Meredith is my friend Isabelle; I am not going to make any apologies for that," Derek replied lowering his voice. "As for telling her that her mother was alive, that is not your place."

"She deserves to know."

"You informing her about Ellis has nothing to do with what Meredith deserves. What has she ever done to you that would make you be so cruel?" Derek asked her, trying his best not to raise his voice again. The last thing he wanted was for everyone else in the house hearing their conversation.

"What has she done to me? She has taken you away from me…" Isabelle replied glaring at Derek.

"Jealous, are we?" Derek asked glaring back at her "You are jealous, because for once my life doesn't revolve around you and everything you want. It is not Meredith that has taken me away from you Isabelle, it was you… you just couldn't leave it alone could you? Meredith and the girls have gone through something we can't even imagine and all you are worried about is yourself." Derek paused for a second before continuing. "As for you there is no way you are pregnant Isabelle because we have never slept together, so if you were pregnant, it certainly is not mine. So I have to ask who have you been sleeping around with?" Derek asked seconds before Isabelle turned towards him slapped him across the face.

"How dare you talk to me…"

"Well after all the lies you have been telling Meredith, what am I supposed to believe Isabelle?" Derek asked.

"Ever since she arrived seven months ago, all I have heard is about Meredith and I am sick of it Derek. I am your fiancée, the woman you are supposed to marry not Meredith."

"Meredith has lost her parents Isabelle, how can you be so cold and unfeeling?"

"Cold…Derek of course I feel sorry for her but anyone would think that she was the only one that had ever lost someone; the way you go on about her. Derek I love you…but I will not be second place to anyone."

"Do not put all the blame on me…you haven't even tried to be nice towards Meredith since the first day you met her especially when she hasn't even done anything to you."

"She has taken you away from me." Isabelle repeated.

"You did that all by yourself…God I asked you to marry me Isabelle if that doesn't show you that I am committed to you; than I don't know what does."

"Yeah you did," Isabelle replied "but was that because you loved me or because you were running from something else?" she asked him.

She sighed when Derek didn't answer her. "Derek, I love you, and I can't bear the thought of losing you. But then I see you watching her and then the way you look at her Derek. From the very first day I met her, your eyes never leave her and you don't think I haven't noticed? I have tried to ignore it and I have kept telling myself that you love me."

"I do love you Is…" Derek said quietly. He did love her, just not in the way he should.

"But…" Isabelle asked as she continued to stand there waiting for a response and when she never received one she carried on. "I saw how you reacted to Simon. You are jealous…please just tell me one thing Derek, has anything happened between the two of you?"

"No…I would never cheat on you Isabelle," Derek said as he ran his fingers through his dark raven curls. He looked at his fiancée and noticed the difference in her. For the first time in months he could see that she had lost weight that she really couldn't afford to lose, suddenly making her look gaunt. "Isabelle, listen…" Derek said reaching out and taking her hand in his. "I am so sorry. I haven't helped matters I know. I wanted to help Meredith to adapt and get settled in especially when she was struggling."

"I know you wanted to be a friend to her Derek, but when did she become more important than me?"

"Isabelle, this takes a lot for me to admit this but I know I was in the wrong but please don't blame Meredith. None of this was her fault, she tried to push me away and I wouldn't let her. I had it in my head that I needed to help her, only I didn't realise what I was doing to both you and Meredith."

"Did you have feelings for her when you proposed to me?" Isabelle asked him and when Derek didn't answer her Isabelle withdraw her hand from his. "Then, why did you propose to me? Why when you have feelings for someone else?" She had known Derek for four years and whether he liked it or not she could read him like a book. Derek looked at her in surprise. "I have known you for a long time Derek, the way you look at Meredith… you have never looked at me like that," Isabelle said sadly.

"Honestly, I don't know. I thought it was just a harmless infatuation that I thought I would get over. I hadn't seen Meredith since she moved to England when she was four but when she arrived back here… I found myself falling in love with her," Derek told her, not wanting to hurt her but at the same time knew that he couldn't lie to her anymore.

"Where does that leave us, Derek? I do not want to be second best," Isabelle asked although deep down she already knew where this talk was heading.

"I think that it is obvious Isabelle, I love you, and please believe me when I say that, but I am not in love with you in the way that I should be, considering I am supposed to be marrying you," Derek said quietly, he knew that he couldn't marry her; it wasn't fair to her and he knew that in the long run he would hurt her more if he did go ahead with the wedding.

"Then why propose to me when you knew you had feelings for her?" Isabelle asked him, wanting to know the reason for his actions.

"I don't want to hurt you Isabelle," Derek told her.

"Well it is a bit late for that Derek," Isabelle bit back. "Please for once be honest and don't lie to me?"

"I didn't want to throw away what we had Isabelle. I thought it was the right thing to do. You don't just throw away two years over someone I have just met and barely know and as I said I thought that it was an infatuation that would pass. I am so sorry Isabelle."

"Me too Derek."

"Are you pregnant Isabelle?" Derek asked her.

"Of course not Derek, I only said it because I wanted Meredith to back off. I'm sorry, I should apologise to her."

"No, leave it to me Isabelle. It wasn't Meredith that was doing the chasing, it was me. I think you have said enough to her, don't you?" Derek said to her and Isabelle had the decency to look ashamed.

"I guess I should give this back to you," Isabelle said as she handed Derek back her engagement ring back.

"Thank you."

"Goodbye Derek" Isabelle said quietly as she started to walk out of the porch and into the house.

"Goodbye Isabelle," Derek said with a sad smile which Isabelle returned.

Derek watched her walk away. He would miss the Isabelle that he had first known and fell in love with but not the Isabelle of the last few months. He took a deep breath before leaving the porch and entering the house to face the music. There was damage control to be done and he hoped that the one person he had hurt the most would forgive him.

**A/N Bye, bye Isabelle **

**I did consider making Isabelle into a right bitch in this chapter to bring her back later to add more drama but seeing that I want to get this story finished as quickly as I can I won't be bring her back.**

**In the original idea for this story Isabelle was going to blackmail Meredith who was pregnant with Derek's baby; to end their affair so that Derek would marry her. Aren't you glad I changed my mind because I think I would have gotten lynched by all you wonderful people…Lol.**

**Please Read and Review :)**


	27. Chapter 25

**I am so sorry this has taken so long to get posted, I have had a very busy month. This chapter serves as a filler between the last chapter and the next chapters. It is also rather on the short side. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 25**

It had been a few days since Derek and Isabelle had split up and Derek had barely seen Meredith since; it was almost as if Meredith was avoiding him ever since he made the announcement at dinner that evening.

_**Flashback**_

_Derek followed Meredith back into the house and couldn't help feel uncomfortable when everyone eyes fell on him and __after __meeting the eyes of his mother he knew that everyone knew what __had just __happened between him and Isabelle._

"_Are you alright Derek?" Carolyn asked him._

"_Yes ma. Do you need any help?" he asked, not quite ready to share his news just yet._

"_Thanks for the offer Derek but everything is ready, why don't you sit down, sweetheart?"_

"_Thanks Ma" he said pulling up a chair next to his parents._

_Derek spent the most of dinner very quiet, debating with himself whether to announce his separation from Isabelle at dinner or keep it to __himself. His __decision was taken out of his hands __however__ when his sister Amelia piped up._

"_So, where __has__ Isabelle disappeared too Derek?" she asked. Derek didn't miss the glare that his mother sent to her and in that moment he realised that they all knew __that something had happened therefore __keeping it quiet was out of the question._

"_Isabelle will not be coming around anymore; we decided to go our separate ways."_

"_I am sorry Derek" Chris told his son, whilst Carolyn reached over and grasped his hand._

"_Thanks Dad but it was for the best, now if I can be excused I am not very hungry "__Derek__ told them before leaving the table. __Regardless of anything __he needed to mourn the end of his friendship and relationship with Isabelle, despite of it being the right thing to do._

He knew that he needed to talk to her but in a way he was glad that she was avoiding him, because it allowed him time to think. He was ashamed of his behaviour towards Meredith over the past year and he wouldn't blame Meredith if she never wanted to speak to him again. Derek had a lot to put right and it started with Meredith. He was so deep in thought that he never noticed Meredith walking up behind him until she spoke.

"Derek" she said quietly that Derek only just heard her.

"Meredith," Derek said turning to face her.

"Your mom sent me out to get you for dinner."

"I will be in shortly," Derek told her, Meredith nodded before turning back around to enter the house before stopping and turning back around..

"Derek…I'm sorry about Isabelle" she murmured. Derek turned and looked at her.

"Thank you Meredith but there is no need; it was my idea to break off the engagement."

"Oh" she said, looking down at her hands. "It wasn't because…" _of me _she finished silently.

"Mer…no," Derek said trying to reassure her. He knew that she partly blamed herself and that was part of the reason she was avoiding him. He grabbed her hands and held them in his, and tried to ignore the jolt of electricity that happened whenever they touched. "It was between me and Isabelle."

"She said…"

"Meredith, I don't care what she said to you, it wasn't true" he said gently, he released her hand and cupped her chin, lifting her head up so he could look at her. "Meredith, I promise you that whatever she said to you; was because she was jealous and that was her problem; not yours. I am so sorry for what she said to you. I do not want you to go blaming yourself, do you hear me?" Derek told her, Meredith simply nodded. "Good. Shall we go in for dinner?" he asked, indicating with his hand.

"What about… us?"

"We will talk later, Meredith, after dinner. Maybe we could go out for a walk?"

"I would like that" Meredith told him; she knew it was finally time that she was honest with him.

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	28. Chapter 26- Clearing the Air Pt 1

**Chapter 26 – Clearing the Air**

It was a beautiful spring day as Derek drove past the sign for Warren county, a quiet countryside retreat several hours drive from New York. It was the weekend and Derek's parents had offered to take Lexie and Molly with them to the Hamptons for the weekend giving Derek the perfect opportunity to invite Meredith to the family house at Cedar Lake. He was pleased that Meredith had accepted his invite knowing that the weekend break would give them the perfect chance to talk. The good thing about Cedar Lake was that it was neutral ground for both of them and despite it being the weekend April was a quiet month for the small town and would give both them some privacy to both talk and be comfortable around each other again. Deep down Derek knew that this weekend would make or break their relationship.

Nothing was said in the car between Meredith and Derek as Derek drove them towards Cedar Lake in Warren County which took them several hours by car from New York. It was the weekend; Derek's parents had taken Lexie and Molly away to the Hamptons for the weekend; which left them alone and knowing that they needed to talk Meredith agreed to accompany Derek. Derek had suggested Cedar Lake because it was away from New York and neutral ground for them both despite the Shepherds having a house there; and since it was only April hardly anyone would be around so it would give them some privacy and since they were staying there overnight there was no rush to talk, between that and the drive it gave them the chance to get comfortable around each other again. Which was something they both needed desperately because when they talked about things; it could either that make them or break them.

Despite accepting the invite Meredith had never been so terrified in all her life well except for the time when she travelled across the Atlantic by boat and leaving her parents in a war ravaged England.

Derek glanced over at Meredith instantly guessing that she was nervous. He knew that she terrified, he was too but at last he finally knew how he felt, he knew that Meredith was the one for him. He just wished that he hadn't spent the past year fighting his feelings for her then this trip wouldn't be necessary. He glanced over at her and could pick up how tired she was, her shoulders were slumped and he knew it was partly because of the stress that he had put her through. It was only now he realised the consequences of his actions over the past twelve months, he had managed to hurt two people - one he genuinely cared about and the other one he loved. He had managed to right one mistake; now it was time to right the second mistake and he prayed that Meredith would give him a chance to explain, knowing that she wanted this discussion as much has he did.

"Meredith" he said quietly.

"Yes?" Meredith replied not looking at him.

"We will arrive at the house in about 30 minutes."

"Are you sure that this will be neutral ground?" Meredith asked, as she gazed out the passenger window, the last thing she wanted was to compete with the ghost of Isabelle.

"It is Meredith. I haven't been here in years and Isabelle has never set foot in this house," he reassured her. Meredith nodded and looked back out the window at the scenery as Derek's eyes went back on the road.

"I miss England's green fields," Meredith said quietly.

"Excuse me?" Derek asked her frowning.

"Dad would take us out of London every summer and drive down to Cornwall where we had a house. We would travel down by train and it would take almost a day to get there. The countryside in Cornwall is beautiful and green for miles and miles," Meredith said quietly. It was the first time that Meredith had ever brought anything up about her home and Derek saw this as a good sign; that Meredith was finally feeling like she was at home. "Lexie and Molly would spend the whole trip running around on the train, driving my parent's mad," Meredith continued smiling at the memories. "I always wished I could be that free…looking back I never felt the same way that the girls do. In a way I am glad they feel free; it has allowed them to adapt to life here in America, something that I cannot do."

"What do you mean Meredith?" Derek asked her.

"I mean that as soon as this war is over I am returning England."

Derek had never realised that she still intended to go back to England; not since her parents had died. He had presumed that since she didn't have any ties there anymore, she would stay in America and hopefully with him.

"I thought you would have stayed here," Derek replied stammering slightly.

"I can't, I need to sort things out with dad's business…and the houses."

"That is not your responsibility Meredith; leave it with your father's lawyers."

"No Derek, I need to deal with it."

"There is something else that is bothering you Meredith, what is it?" Derek asked her.

"Nothing" she replied.

"Meredith."

"I cannot stop thinking about what Isabelle said about my mom," she told him.

"What did she say?" Derek asked her, even though he already knew he wanted to hear it from her.

"It doesn't matter," Meredith said staring out of the window.

"Meredith?" Derek said, reaching out and taking her hand in his before she quickly pulled her hand away like she had been burnt and Derek swore his heart broke a little bit more.

Meredith couldn't help but pull her hand away when Derek touched her. His touch reminded her of everything that had happened over the past year, how much he had hurt her, how much she had longed for him and then everything that his touch did to her, her body felt on fire from just a small touch, God knew how she would react if he held her hand any longer.

"I am sorry" she murmured.

"Don't be," Derek simply answered, reminding himself not to touch her again until they had discussed whatever this thing was that was between them.

"Derek."

"Meredith don't," Derek snapped at her, and saw her shrink back into her seat. He felt awful and quickly pulled over on the side of the road and stopped. "Mer…I am so sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you."

"No…it is my fault."

"No Meredith, it isn't. I am just frustrated and I shouldn't be taking it out on you. I am sorry. The last thing I want to do is cause you more pain. I want us to talk and be honest with each other. I know I hurt you," Derek said mournfully.

"Derek," Meredith said.

"Stop Mer, we should arrive at the house in about 15 minutes and we will talk then; if that is alright?" Derek asked her knowing the side of the road was not the right place for the talk that they needed to have.

Derek started up the car again and drove towards their destination.

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	29. Chapter 27 Clearing The Air Pt 2

**Thanks for the review and sorry this is a few days later than planned. Part 2 of the Mer/Der talk. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 27- Clearing the Air Part 2**

Derek turned left off a road and pulled up in front of a large house; not has large as the Shepherd estate; but large enough, Meredith was so lost in thought that she didn't even notice that Derek had stopped the car; or spoke until she noticed his hand waving in front of her face.

"We are here Meredith" Derek said.

"Oh…alright" Meredith said climbing out of the car giving Derek no choice but to climb out after her and grabbing her overnight bag out of the trunk of the automobile before carrying it into the house; leaving Meredith to follow him; he knew not to push her at this stage.

Placing her bag in the foyer he waited for her; whilst thinking about what she said about her mother. Maybe it was time that she was told the truth about Ellis; Derek knew this day would come when his parents warned him about the situation but that was not whey they were here and right now their discussion was important; although he had no idea how to start that conversation.

"Meredith, you can come in you know" he called out to her, noticing that she was still stood outside on the porch. Meredith slowly took the few steps into the house. "I will show you to your room for the night" he said picking up her bag and waited for Meredith to follow him.

Derek took her up to the first floor and showed what used to be Kathleen's room where Meredith would be sleeping that night; he was glad that he called ahead and the ancient housekeeper Mrs Bentley had opened the house, cleaned, stocked it with some food for that evening and had made the beds for them, it was not something he knew neither of them fancied doing.

"This is Kathleen's old room, where you will be sleeping tonight; the housekeeper has made all the beds this morning so it's all fresh linen"

"Thank you" Meredith murmured looking around the room, which was decorated in pale purple; almost the colour of lavender, her favourite colour. Derek smiled and left her to settle into the room.

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Meredith and Derek were 30 minutes into their walk around the lake and they hadn't said a word to each other. Derek wanted to take her hand but was afraid to after her reaction to his touch in the automobile on the drive here. Derek could feel the awkwardness radiating off Meredith and he knew that she did not want to be here; but where would that leave them; they needed to talk.

"Meredith"

"Derek"

They said at the same time and looking at each other they both started to laugh; which helped to break the ice.

"Derek; I am sorry about earlier, I just…"

"I know Meredith, I feel the same" Derek said giving her a small smile. "What do you want to do Meredith? I will follow your lead on this" he said, stopping and turning to look at her.

"Honestly I want to run and hide…I don't want to talk about this" she admitted to him. Derek took her hand in his and she didn't pull away from him; whilst he guided her over to a bench and he sat down not letting go off Meredith's hand. After a few moments Meredith sat down beside him.

"We need to Meredith, it has been over a month now and I can't do this anymore. I know I hurt you, and I am so sorry Meredith; it was the last thing that I wanted to do" Derek told her; knowing that if he didn't this conversation would never get started, Meredith pulled her hand away from Derek's and stood up; and walked down to the edge of the lake, looking out over its water.

"I…I should have never let myself get close to you, I knew it was wrong but when I heard about my parents death; I just didn't care about doing the right thing anymore. I felt so alone and I needed someone and you were there…" she said trailing off.

"I wanted to be there for you; to help you through it" he told her walking up and standing behind her.

"You were Derek, you helped me to deal with their death, you let me grieve; I needed that but I shouldn't have. You were engaged and I knew that; you were off bounds; especially after you announced your engagement"

"I should have never have proposed to Isabelle" Derek said wanting to reach out and touch her but he resisted the urge.

"Why did you?" she asked; she had always wondered because the looks he gave her never changed and the way he made her feel never changed even when she thought she hated him but that couldn't have been further from the truth.

"I…" Derek said running his hands through his dark raven curls. "Does it matter? I hurt you enough without explaining why"

"I want to know Derek" she told him turning to face him.

"It seemed like the right thing to do"

"The right thing to do Derek, you don't get engaged because it is the right thing to do" Meredith said in disbelief.

"Mer, it wasn't just that, the feelings I had…have for you scared me, I was seeing a girl who I thought I loved and then there was you. I had all these feeling for you that I had never felt for Isabelle and that scared me. I intended on backing off like you asked me too then the news came through about your parents dying; and I couldn't leave you; I didn't want to leave you"

"You never had me to leave Derek. I was doing fine; I was coping, dealing until you"

"No you wasn't Meredith, my parents, my sisters were concerned about you. You came on to me remember" Derek said; he dreaded bring up that night; she had no idea how much he wanted that but he didn't because he respected her too much. "I had to turned you down because I know how much you would have hated yourself and me if I had took advantage of you; you have no idea how hard that was Meredith" he told her, hoping she wouldn't feel bad that was not what he wanted. "I should have never let it get that far" he said mournfully.

Meredith stopped and thought about what he just said and realised that he was right, as she knew he was that night, it was just easier to blame him.

"As much as I would like to blame you Derek; it wasn't just your fault, it was mine as well and if we can't forgive each other than we don't have a chance of this leading anywhere. Assuming you still want too of course?" Meredith said.

"Of course I do Meredith, deep down that is all I ever wanted" he told her.

"We still have so much to discuss Derek"

"I know that Meredith and I do not want to hurt you again. You tell me how you want to do this and I will follow your lead" he told her, he would do anything to make it up to her and in any way he could.

"We take it slowly; I want to be courted Derek"

"And you will be; you deserve it and so much more" he told her.

"Prove it Derek and we might just have a chance" Meredith said reaching out and taking his hand, intertwining their fingers, and for the first time in a long time they did not ignore the sparks that flew between them as they touched.

**The next chapter is going to be their first date, i am not even going to guess when it will be up because it never actually happens. The next few chapters are going to be fluffy, i think i owe it to you after all the drama/angst but unfortunately it isn't far away for long. And finally you might get some smut, which i am sure will make people happy lol.**


	30. Chapter 28

**A/N A huge thanks Jill for her help, advice and proofing. Italics are flashbacks. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 28- First Date**

Derek looked over at his glass of scotch that was sitting on the table in front of him, thinking over his date with Meredith realising that it had been different to any other date he had been on before. Normally he would take his date out to a nice restaurant but with Meredith he knew that it had to be something special especially after everything he had put her through. He needed it to be special to show Meredith how much she meant a lot to him and that he had never felt this way for anyone before. Deep down Derek knew he had a lot to prove to her.

_Derek rang his own doorbell __as __he wanted to make Meredith feel like she was on a date __and__ had warned Amelia of the plan so that she would answer the door._

"_Meredith" she shouted "Your date is here" __Amelia__ said giving Derek a wink and stepping aside as Meredith walked towards him __wearing __a white dress that came down to just below the knees with purple flowers and a purple sash around the waist. __Derek's first thought was that __she looked stunning._

"_You are beautiful Meredith" he told her, Meredith simply smiled at him._

_She followed him out to the automobile and Derek held the door for her has she climbed in the car and closed the door behind her. Derek smiled to himself has he noticed the twitching of the curtains in the lounge __knowing __that Amelia and probably Olivia w__ere both__ looking out the window to see what was happening._

"_Where are you taking me tonight Derek?" Meredith asked him has they drove out of the Shepherd estate and __out __onto the main road._

"_I thought we would go to the pictures __first __and then for some__thing to eat__," he told her, hoping that the date he had planned she would enjoy._

"_That would be nice," Meredith said._

"_The picture house is showing Sullivan's Travels."_

"_That __sounds good Derek," __Meredith replied__._

"_Meredith, if you want to do something different __then__ please tell me?"_

"_No, I have been looking forward __to__ tonight Derek," she told him. "It is just that I have never been to the pictures before," she told him. Derek turned and looked at her in surprise._

"_Really?" Derek asked._

"_The year before I came here we had a curfew and before that daddy only let me date with certain men that he knew. Taking me to the pictures would not__ have been an option.__"_

"_I hope that you like it Meredith," Derek said to her. "__If you do, then __maybe we can go again sometime."_

"_That is what I am hoping for Derek," __Meredith__ said._

_Derek smiled at her._

Derek was pulled out of his musing by the sound of someone walking down the stairs, not loudly but enough to disturb him. He left the light off not wanting to talk to anyone until he saw Meredith head towards the kitchen. He thought about following her but decided against it until he saw her step out onto the porch, pausing for a moment before he following her out. He watched her for a few minutes as she sat down on the swing seat.

Meredith tightened her robe around her as stepped out into the cold April night air and walked over to the swing seat that was on the porch of the Shepherd's home, looking out over the lawn. She hadn't been able to sleep since arriving home a few hours earlier from their date. The date was everything she had pictured and hoped that it would be except for one thing… She reached over and picked up the cup of tea that was sitting beside her, never noticing that she was being watched.

_After leaving the picture house, Derek __had __suggested going for a walk before __going__ for food. Walking through the park Meredith __noticed__ that Derek had been the perfect gentleman so far __and __she wished that he would take her hand or something but so far he hadn't. It __had __never occurred to __Meredith that she could have__ reached __out and __taken his hand. __Instead of taking her hand, __Derek placed his hand on the small of her back to guide her over to a bench __where they both sat__ down._

_Derek pointed out an area of the park and __started telling__ her stories about him and his sisters especially Nancy and Kath and what they used to get up too behind their parents back. Meredith had never laughed so much in her life __so much so that__ she couldn't stop the tears from falling. _

"Meredith," Derek said quietly but loud enough to make her jump.

"Derek you scared me!"

"You seemed far away there," Derek muttered as he sat next to her on the seat.

"I was thinking."

"About what?" Derek asked her, reaching out his hand but pulling it back to his side before he could touch her.

"About tonight," Meredith said with a small smile but one that Derek couldn't see.

"Is that a good thing?" he asked hesitatingly, hoping it was.

"Like I told you Derek I had a great time" she said turning and facing him.

Since returning from Cedars Lake only a few days ago Meredith had wanted to kiss him. The few kisses that they had previously shared had made her feel like no one else had done before and as she admitted to herself many months previously; she was in love with Derek. Meredith knew she would be happy with whatever they did as long as she could spend it with him. She had spent such little time with him that their date, as well as the day they spent together in New York would always stand out in her memories.

Derek did the one thing that he had wanted to do all evening, and reached out and took her hand in his. His fingers interlocked with hers and ignoring the tingling sensation he always got when they touch he looked out over the porch, still holding on to Meredith's hand, and knowing that he never wanted to let go.

_Walking slowly side by side through the park Derek longed to reach out and take her hand in his, it had been so long since he__ had__ touch__ed__ her. He craved her touch but he was scared in case she pulled away; even __when__ she reached out to him the week before he knew that he had to wait for her to be ready __and that __he would __have to__ control the impulse to touch her. It was her choice._

Meredith felt his hand slide into hers and somehow it just felt right. After a wonderful first date his touch made her hand tingle and she felt her heart begin to beat faster. She leaned over to him and pressed her lips against his in what was a soft, gentle kiss lasting no longer than five seconds but something that she had been wanting to do for days.

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	31. Chapter 29

**A/N I do not own the song Follow The Yellow Brick Road which is featured in this chapter that belongs to Judy Garland and MGM. Thanks to Jill for her help and proofing. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 29**

May came and went in the blink of an eye and soon enough school was out for the summer. For the Shepherd Family, as well as Meredith and the girls this meant that they would be soon be on their way to the Hampton's for the next three months. It was the Shepherd's annual holiday retreat but for Meredith she couldn't help but remember what happened last on her last visit to the Hampton's twelve months ago. Thankfully things were different and so much better now.

It was decided that Meredith and the girls would travel there with Derek two days before the rest of the family, something which pleased Meredith. With Derek being back at school they hadn't had a chance to spend much time together in the last few months and now finally with the summer holidays upon them, they could finally spend some proper time together.

After settling the girls in the back seat of the car; Meredith made sure that they had enough things to keep them occupied during the journey. Derek kept the radio on despite the fact that he hated driving with it on but he knew that otherwise the girls would get bored easily. Derek smiled as he interlaced his fingers with Meredith's. Since that night a month ago Derek found he could barely go a day without touching her. It didn't help that he spent his week away at Columbia; he missed her so much that he made sure he was home at weekends just so he could see her.

They were only an hour into the four hour journey when Molly started whining.

"Meri…I am bored."

"I know sweetheart," Meredith said as she turned to face her sister's. "We will be stopping for some lunch soon Molly," she said trying to placate her but within ten minutes Molly was screaming.

Meredith had never felt so embarrassed but if there was one thing Derek understood was younger sisters and Molly was only six. Derek knew exactly what to do that would calm things down; it always worked with Amelia and Olivia when they were younger. He started to sing…

_Follow the Yellow Brick Road. Follow the Yellow Brick Road. _

_Follow, follow, follow, follow, _

_Follow the Yellow Brick Road. _

_Follow the Yellow Brick, Follow the Yellow Brick, _

_Follow the Yellow Brick Road._

Derek wasn't surprised that Lexie joined in right away and by the end of the first verse so had Molly. Meredith threw him a grateful smile and Derek took the opportunity as the girl's repeated the verse to lean over and give Meredith a quick kiss on the mouth.

"I love you," he said before turning back to face the road.

When they were together he told her constantly how he felt and at the same time understood why she couldn't say it back. He had hurt her too much and she was still building her trust in him. Derek smiled as he joined in again with the girls singing….

_We're off to see the Wizard, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. _

_You'll find he is a whiz of a Wiz! If ever a Wiz! there was. _

_If ever oh ever a Wiz! there was The Wizard of Oz is one because, _

_Because, because, because, because, because. _

_Because of the wonderful things he does. _

_We're off to see the Wizard. The Wonderful Wizard of Oz_

Lexie and Molly burst out laughing after they finished singing as Meredith threw Derek an amused look before they pulled over to a roadside diner.

"What is a so funny girls?" Derek asked them.

"You can't sing," Molly piqued up.

"Molly!" Meredith said in disbelief.

"No Meredith she is right. I cannot sing but it kept you girls occupied didn't it?" Derek asked making Lexie and Molly laugh. "Shall we stop for some food girls?" he said directing the question at them but his eyes locked on Meredith's.

"Yes!" Lexie and Molly both said together.

"Meredith?"

"Of course Derek," she replied realising that the girls had already opened the car door and were scrambling out of their seats.

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Having arrived at the house a few days before everyone else Meredith and Derek were able to spend some proper time together simply walking along the beach holding hands being their favourite. The last two days had been so busy with opening up the house for the summer and settling the girls in so the walk on the beach was the first time that they had chance to spend some time together alone.

Derek pulled her down on to his lap as he sat down in the sand. He nuzzled her neck has they looked out over the water, not saying a word, simply enjoying each other's company.

"I've missed you, when I am at school," Derek told her. Meredith squeezed his hand in response not saying anything.

Meredith was so deep in thought, relaxing with her head resting on Derek's chest. Her mind kept wondering back to all the times Derek had told her that he loved her; she couldn't say it back, not yet anyway. She wanted too but something inside stopped her. The last six weeks had been wonderful but she still had trust issues and she appreciated the fact that Derek didn't rush her.

"I've missed you too," Meredith replied truthfully. She needed to show him how she felt. Smiling she turned her head to face him as she initiated the first kiss between them since that incident many months before.

Parting her lips Derek took the opportunity to slip his tongue into her mouth; so far since they got together their kisses had been on the rather innocent side, a soft kiss on the cheek here and a quick peck on the lips there..

Derek's tongue stroked Meredith's gently, not pressurising her. Meredith responded by deepening the kiss and shifted her body so that she felt more comfortable. The kiss got more passionate and they both started to feel their desire for each other coursing through their bodies. The kiss only broke when the need for air became too great.

"I think we should stop," Derek said breathlessly resting his head on her shoulder. Meredith could feel Derek's desire for her and although it shocked her she noticed Derek trying to move himself away from her. Although he couldn't feel it Meredith felt the same desire for him.

"We should," Meredith confirmed trying to calm herself down. She had only felt like this once before - the night she tried to get him to sleep with her many months before.

"Let's head back to the house, Ma will be wondering where we are," Derek said to her as he stood up and reached his hand out for hers. Taking his hand Meredith pulled herself up and Derek wrapped an arm around her waist pulling her close to him has they walked back towards the house.

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	32. Chapter 30

**A/N Happy Thanksgiving. Now the moment I think you have all been waiting for.**

**Rated MA…Enjoy!**

**Chapter 30**

**Beginning of August 1941**

It had been six weeks since they arrived at the Hamptons; Meredith and Derek spent a great deal of time together. Lexie had turned 10 the week before so she wanted to be out playing with her friends who lived next door; and she was even gracious about taking Molly with her. Carolyn had insisted that Meredith make the most of her free time since she would have a lot less when she started at NYU in the fall. Meredith still had to tell the girls about her going back to school and she hoped that they wouldn't mind after all they had had her sole attention for over a year now, and it was what her dad wanted her to do and she swore that she won't let him down.

She was curled up on her bed; her head resting against Derek's chest, their legs intertwined. They had been together for 3 months and Derek had been so patient with her, he constantly told her how much he loved her; touched her, just a brush of the arm or holding her hand and she finally believed him, finally believed that he meant every word, he had done what she had asked him to do and proved to her that he wanted her; that he loved her.

"Derek" she said quietly; lifting her head to look at the man she loved.

"Yes" he replied pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"I love you" she told him. Derek smiled, relieved to finally hear the words that he was dying to hear from her. Pressing his lips against her's and gently sucked on her bottom lip until she parted her mouth and slipping his tongue in, he kissed her with all the love that he felt for her.

"I love you too Meredith…so much" he said against her lips. His hand found their way into her blonde hair.

Meredith hesitated for just a second, she wants him so much, and that kiss is seared into her brain, she can remember every detail and how it made her feel, how been in his arms just made her feel so safe, and she wanted to feel that again. Meredith pulled Derek closer to her, letting their lips touch for the second time, it quickly became passionate, and Derek rolled her back on to the bed, with Derek on top of her.

The kiss became heated; Meredith could feel Derek's erection poking into her abdomen. Derek ran his hands through her hair, has his tongue works wonders in her mouth, she can feel herself getting wet, his hands underneath her blouse, cupping her breast through her brassiere, Meredith feels nipples harden underneath his fingers has he gently rubs them through the material. Finally pulling away when the need for air becomes too great. Meredith smiles at Derek, telling him exactly what she wants; Derek loves that he can read her without saying the words.

"Are you sure about Mer?"

"Yes Derek, I am sure" she says.

"There is no going back Meredith" Derek says to her, Derek needed her to be sure. Meredith responded by pressing her lips again his and taking control of the kiss she stroked her tongue against his.

"I want you" she tells him pulling away, Derek smiled his full smile.

"I want you too"

"I know" she said giggling.

Derek gently kisses her and then pulls her so they are in a standing position. Meredith silently asks him 'what'. Derek unbuttons her skirt and pulls it down and without saying a word he gently pushed her onto the bed, in a upright position; getting onto his knees, he pulled off her skirt and then gently works on her right shocking rolling it down over her knees and towards her ankle, not before placing a small kiss on the inside of her knee before he removed it. Repeating the action with her left leg, once she was sat in just her knickers and blouse; he removed his shirt so he was stood before her in just his trousers.

Meredith couldn't take her eyes of his chest and his defined abs, knowing that it came from him playing football in college. Meredith gently placed a kiss on his navel, closing her eyes has she did to try and calm her nerves.

"Meredith…look at me" he said and slowly Meredith looked up and her eyes met his. Derek could see the fear in her eyes and bending down to kiss her he whispered against her lips. "I am scared too" he said, slipping his tongue in her slightly parted lips.

The kiss left them both wanting more and suddenly Meredith was working on undoing Derek's trousers. Derek hands stilled Meredith's, before removing her blouse she was sat in front of him wearing a rose coloured slip, red swollen lips and a slight blush of the cheek. Derek thought she had never looked so alluring, as beautiful as she did in that moment, it could see the lust in her eyes and he just wanted to be buried inside. Derek removed his trousers; standing before her in just his briefs and she could see for the first time how big he was and she had no idea how he was supposed to fit inside of her.

Meredith repositioned herself on the bed so she was laid down with her head resting on the pillow, Derek straddle her before leaning down and kissing her, he gently placed his hand under her slip and wrapped his thumb in her underwear and pulled them down. Meredith lifted her hips off the bed and he pulled them down. Once removing her underwear; his thumb gentle rubbed against her clit, and he pushed a finger inside of her, she was so wet, her juices coating his finger.

"You are so wet Mer" he murmured; so she was sat facing him, and he pulled off her slip and to his surprise had no brassiere on. He kissed her long and hard before he gently pushed her back on to the bed, and smiled at her. "You are so beautiful Meredith" he told her, before removing his trunks and his cock sprang free.

"Der" Mer said; she could see how large he was.

"Mer…this will hurt…but I won't do anything until you are ready" he said kissing her, his penis pressing against her entrance.

Meredith noticed his blue eyes darken, to a colour she had only seen before; on that night so long ago. Derek grinned at her; before taking a nipple into his mouth, he sucked and gently nipping on her areola. Derek took her other nipple in her mouth and lavished it with the same attention. Meredith could feel the sensations down into her womb and she found herself getting wetter. Derek could hear her quiet moans and he felt his penis become harder and he ached to be buried inside of her. Derek let her nipple fall from his mouth and kisses her on the mouth.

"You are so beautiful Mer" Derek told her. "I am sorry but this is going to hurt" he told her, as his fingers stretched her as he placed his penis at her entrance.

"I love you" Meredith murmured as Derek pushed inside of her.

Pushing against a barrier, he could see the pain in her face and he murmured once against _"this is going to hurt"_ has he pushed past the barrier and Meredith screamed out in pain.

The pain was more intense than she expected and hearing Derek murmur in her ear did not prepare her for the pain. The sharp pain caught her breathe; she could feel the tears prickling in her eyes. Derek kissed her hard, he could see how much how much it hurt her and stilling himself not to push into her anymore, anything to take her mind off the pain. Once Meredith felt the pain subside; she nodded at him.

Derek pushed into her until he was fully sheathed inside of her and he couldn't stop the moan that escaped; it felt so good to be buried inside of her, the contact was incredible, and he felt fully connected to her.

Once the pain subsided Meredith legs wrapped around Derek's and held him still. She had never felt so full as she did in that moment; she felt as if she was one with Derek. She buried her head in the crook of his neck. She couldn't believe how they fitted together; like they were meant to be.

"I love you so much" Derek murmured in her ear; as he started moving inside of her. Meredith's nails dugged into his back has he slowly thrusted inside of her, before moving a little faster.

"Mer" he moaned gently, closing his eyes has she involuntarily tightened her vaginal walks around his embedded cock. "You are so tight" he told her.

Meredith moaned quietly, feeling the sensations coursing throughout her body, it was strange but felt wonderful at the same time.

Derek continued to pump into her at a slow pace; he did not want her first time to be fast and unsatisfactory for her. Derek mustered as much self-control has he could so he didn't explode right there and then.

Derek placed a finger in between them and gently massaged her clit with his finger; and he could feel her responding; he could feel her juices coating his cock through the condom that he wore.

"Derek" Meredith moaned quietly as she writhed on the bed.

"Mer…." Derek said has Meredith hands unwound from his back and gripped the sheet. Derek knew Meredith was close; he could feel her shaking underneath him. Kissing her once again, his tongue sweeping in her mouth, he sped up his thrusts just slightly, knowing he couldn't hold off much longer.

Meredith closed her eyes has the sensations became too much for her to bear she broke around his imbedded cock, she felt her release and it had never felt so good, Derek followed her shortly afterwards, calling out her name has he came.

Derek gently relaxed his body on top of her but keeping his arms on the mattress so not to put all of his weigh on her and buried his head in the crook of her neck has he tried to calm down his breathing; he wasn't ready to leave the warmth of her body just yet. Derek planted small kiss on her neck. Meredith's hands held onto his around his neck, her leg intertwined with his, she felt so sated; so satisfied that she could regret what they had just done; she loved him too much and knew that she never wanted to move out of his embrace.

As Derek pulled out of her, she felt cold, she felt his lost, afraid that he was pulling away from her, she went to open her mouth to say something but he gathered her up in his arms and rolled them over so she was lying on top of him, and away from the wet patch on the sheet. Meredith hid her head in his neck.

"Mer…what's wrong?" he asked her gently almost afraid of her response; he did not want her to regret what they did.

"The mess…I am…" Meredith started to say but Derek lifted her head and kissed her hard.

"Making love is messy Meredith; you have no reason to feel embarrassed. I love you," he told her, and kissed her again.

"I love you too" she told him for the second time that day.

"Sleep, Mer" he said kissing her head has she closed her eyes and Derek wasn't far behind her.

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	33. Chapter 31

**Thanks to everyone who has had this story to their alerts/favourite lists.**

**I suggest making the most of this chapter as we will soon be returning to the angst. Thanks to Suzy for her help, letting me bat ideas off her and for proofing this chapter. Rated MA…Enjoy!**

**Chapter 31- The morning after**

The following morning Derek woke up entangled with a sleeping, naked Meredith whose head was resting on his chest above his heart and her arm around his waist. He looked down at the woman he loved as she snuggled deeper into him and he tightened his arms around her and pulled her closer still. Derek could feel Meredith smile as she buried her face into his chest.

"Good morning, beautiful," Derek said; kissing the top of her head.

"Morning," she mumbled, not lifting her head up.

"You are not a morning person," Derek said to her. Meredith just grunted in response which caused Derek to laugh lightly.

"I love you, you know?"

"I know," she said quietly. "When are your parents returning?" she asked.

"Tomorrow," he told her.

"So we have the house to ourselves again today?" she asked him, sounding hopeful.

"Yeah, Kathleen and Nancy aren't arriving until Monday."

"I love you," she told him, smiling to herself.

Derek smiled back at her before proceeding to tickle her down her sides, causing Meredith to giggle and fight against him.

"No, no, no," she cried out in between her giggles; turning him on more.

Meredith had not realised the position they were in. She arched her back and her hip rubbed against his erection. Meredith stopped once she realised what she felt rub against her. For her, there was only one thing to do with Derek on top of her. Derek stopped before going to move off her but Meredith was fast and she procedded to wrap her arms around his neck and her legs entangled in his; she held him still.

"Derek," she said looking up at him.

"Yes?" he asked as he looked down at her, in all her glory.

Meredith lifted her head and pressed her lips against him, her tongue pushing into his mouth and taking control of the kiss. Derek kissed her back gently, letting her keep control as her tongue massaged his and he moaned into her mouth. His pelvis bucked which caused him to slip into her wet entrance, before he came to his senses. This was not the best idea as she would still be a little sore so he did what was best for her; he pulled away.

"Mer, this isn't a good idea," he told her gently, hoping that she didn't take it the wrong way.

"What?" she asked him; looking a little confused.

"I don't want to hurt you," he told her. Meredith thought that it was sweet but not sure what he was talking about.

"Der…"

"You will be sore Meredith, I don't…"

"Der; I am fine. I won't lie; I am a little sore but not enough to not make me want you."

"God, I have created a monster," he said causing Meredith to giggle again.

"Derek…you make me feel so much. I want to make you happy…I want to…"

"Meredith…stop right there. I love you! I want to be with you; you make me happy but I want to make you happy too. It goes both ways Meredith. Don't do something just because you think it'll please me. I want you to do what you want to do."

"I want you," she told him.

Derek kissed her and pinned her down on to the bed, his cock rested in between her legs at the apex of her tights gently pushing up against her pussy. Meredith simply nodded at him, letting him know that she wanted it to. Derek pulled on a condom before entering her slowly and they both moaned at the contact; Derek watched her features closely for the barest sign of pain and he would stop, no matter how hard it would be.

Derek pushed into her deeper; gently whispering to her. He could feel her tense her vaginal walls and could see the grimace of pain flash across her beautiful face and he stopped.

"I am so sorry," he murmured in her ear, not wanting to hurt her and understood that she was still sore.

"I am fine," she assured him, kissing him. Deepening the kiss, Derek pushed into her until he fully sheathed inside of her.

"God…Mer," he murmured burying his head into her neck; trying to keep in control. He placed kisses where the neck and shoulder joined and gently sucked on the skin, which caused Meredith to wriggle underneath him. Derek groaned.

"Please…Der," she moaned as she ran her hands up and down his back.

Derek smiled at finding her sensitive spot. Meredith felt the sensations that it caused all the way into her womb. Derek began to thrust into her, taking it slowly and kissed her hard. He placed his fingers in between them and gently rubbed the nub; causing Meredith to close her eyes.

"Mer…" he moaned before rolling them so Meredith was laid on top of him.

"Derek," Mer said quietly, as he thrust upwards as her hips bucked in rhythm to each of his thrusts.

Derek captured her lips with his own and tugged on her bottom lip to allow him entry which she granted; their tongues explored each others mouthes, as Derek slowly thrusted into her.

"God…Mer," he moaned into her mouth. Meredith pulled away from his mouth, feeling nervous. Derek could see the nerves across her features and he was quick to reassure her.

"Meredith…its fine…"

"I…can't…"

"Listen to me Meredith," he said to her before thrusting up into her, which caused Mer to moan loudly. "I am not asking you to do this but this way you control how deep I go," he told her pulling her face down to meet his, and quickly kissing her.

"Okay" Meredith said when Derek released her mouth. Meredith thrusted her hips in attempt to take control but found herself hiding her head in his chest; before he flipped them back over so Meredith was underneath him.

"I'm sorry," she murmured with embarrassment.

"Ssshhhh" he said; before he thrust again. "You-are-so-tight."

Derek knew he was close to release but he was determined to make her come first. He recalled how beautiful she looked under him the night before as she came apart in his arms and he wanted to see that again. He took a nipple into his mouth as he stilled his thrusts causing Meredith to arch her back off the bed. He gently sucked before biting down gently causing Meredith to moan. Derek then let the nipple pop out of his mouth before showing the other nipple the same attention while thrusting into her slowly and he could feel her clench around his embedded cock. He closed his eyes for an instant to regain some semblance of control.

"You are so beautiful," he whispered in her ear before his mouth descended on hers.

He kissed her hard, letting his tongue explore her mouth as her orgasm washed over her and she called out his name. Derek finally lost all control as her vaginal walls tighten around his pulsating cock and he spilled into her; calling out her name as he came.

Collapsing on top of her but trying not to press his full weight on her, he buried his head in her neck whilst he regained control. Meredith fingers ran up and down his spine which caused his cock to twitch inside of her. Groaning, Derek stilled her arms with his hand. Looking up and smiling at her, he kissed her hard before pulling out of her. Derek rolled off Meredith as she turned away from him to allow him to pull her into his warm embrace, spooning her from behind. Intertwining their legs, Derek gently ran his fingers up and down her arm, kissing the back of her neck. Meredith sighed contently in his arms; this is where she felt safe and she was terrified of losing him like she had lost her parents, lost her mom. After a few more seconds of silence Meredith muttered, "I miss my mom."

Derek tightened his grip on her.

"I know you miss them Meredith," Derek said as he tightened his grip on her.

"Not my parents. Of course I miss them but I miss my mom. Every girl needs their mom," she told him.

"Mer," Derek said not really knowing what to say to her. This was the first time she had ever brought Ellis up.

"I want to find where she is buried," she murmured and Derek's heart tightened in his chest.

"Why?...Why after all this time?" he asked her, not knowing what to do or say to her.

"Everyone leaves me. They are supposed to love me. First my mom, then my mum and dad. I can't help but think you might leave me too," she confessed, muttering the last part. Derek's heart broke a little for her. He so badly wanted to promise that he would never leave her but he knew he couldn't. It wasn't always in his hand; it was in God's.

"Mer, I can't promise that but what I can promise is that I will always do my best. Your parents never wanted to leave you or your sisters; you know that," he told her gently.

"I know; I just…" Meredith said not able to stop the tears from falling. She turned to face Derek and buried her head in his chest as she fell apart in his arms. Derek held her close and gently stroked her hair as the tears fell.

"I am here Mer," he murmured to her.

Derek continued to hold her as she cried herself to sleep. Looking down at the sleeping beauty that he held in his arms, he couldn't help but feel the wave of guilt because of the deception that they were all involved in concerning Ellis. He needed to get away and get some fresh air. Making sure she was asleep, he gently extracted himself from her and climbed out of the bed. Grabbing his clothes on the way out, he gently closed the door behind him and headed downstairs, out onto the porch.

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Derek had no idea what to say to her about Ellis. Over the past few months, he had felt increasingly guilty for keeping such a huge secret from her but he didn't know what to do. She had a right to know that her mother was alive and he thought it might do her good; especially with how much she missed her parents.

He knew why it had been kept from her; after all Thatcher had made his mother promise that Meredith wouldn't discover the truth about Ellis. He needed to speak to his mother about it. He tried to bring it up once before, not long after Thatcher and Susan died, but he knew that it wasn't the right time and he had left it because Meredith had never mentioned her mom. Now that she had mentioned it; it was time to bring it up again and just maybe, it was time to tell Meredith the truth.

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	34. Chapter 32

This is the start of the angst for the next few chapters, the _italics_ are flashbacks and the _**bold italics**_ are what is being overheard. I hope this doesn't get to confusing. Enjoy! Whilst I go and hide lol.

**Chapter 32**

Derek's POV

Derek was relieved when Meredith decided to take her sisters out for the day; ever since Meredith mentioned about finding her mom, he found it difficult to keep it quiet about Ellis. Luckily she had not mentioned it again because he knew that he wouldn't be able to keep his mouth shut. His parents had returned from their mini vacation last night but he had not had a chance to get his mom alone to speak to her, after the big family dinner. It was the first time that Kathleen, Nancy and their families had been here this summer.

_After kissing Meredith goodbye, smiling against her mouth as the girls groaned at the sight of them kissing._

"_Stop it; that is disgusting" Molly said, shielding her eyes with her arms._

_Derek deepened the kiss; he couldn't resist making a point of it, knowing full well he was going to be in trouble when they got home._

"Derek, are you feeling alright?" Carolyn asked her son, noticing that he was stood at the kitchen door, off in his own world.

"Uh…" Derek jumped. "Sorry Ma," Derek said taking a step into the kitchen.

"What's wrong son?" Christopher asked him, looking up from his newspaper from where he was sat at the table.

"It's about Meredith," he said.

"What about her, Derek?" Carolyn asked him; wiping her hands on the apron that she wore. "She is fine, isn't she?" she asked.

"Meredith is good; it just she brought something up a couple of nights ago which has me a little worried."

"What is it Derek?" Chris asked.

"Meredith mentioned her mother."

"Well that is understandable; she is still grieving for her parents," Carolyn said.

"Ma, you don't understand. It wasn't Susan that she was talking about," he told her.

He watched as the realisation hit her in regards to who he was talking about. She shared a concerned look with Chris and proceeded to sit down in the chair next to her husband.

"Son, I suggest you sit down and explain to us exactly what she said," Chris told him.

Sitting down, Derek proceeded to tell his parents the events of only a couple of nights before, leaving out the part where they were in bed together; that wasn't important. Derek could see the worried look that marred his mother features and the looks that she kept giving his father. Derek was surprised that no one interrupted him during this and was a little concerned that they didn't say anything right away.

"Ma? Dad?"

"Derek, why didn't you say anything last night?" Carolyn asked him. She was at a loss. She had no idea what to do.

"I couldn't Ma. There was no way I could with everyone around," he told her.

"What did you tell her?" Chris asked.

"Nothing, but she was crying. I can't keep lying to her," he said.

Carolyn looked up at her son; she knew this was going to become an issue for Derek as she watched him and Meredith get closer.

"You can't tell her Derek," Carolyn said. She had made a promise to Thatcher and it was one she was going to keep. It wasn't easy for her either; she had to lie to one of her closest friends.

"Why not? She has a right to know," Derek said. He noticed that his father hadn't said anything. "Dad?"

"Derek, it is not that simple and you know it," Carolyn told him.

"Yes it is Ma!"

"Derek, I made a promise," Carolyn reminded him.

"The person who you had made the promise to is dead. Meredith asked me to help her find her mother's grave Ma."

"I'm sorry Derek but you can't tell her," Carolyn whispered.

"Meredith has a right to know that her mom is still alive," Derek said loudly, not realising who was stood behind him.

"What?!"

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Meredith POV

Meredith was exhausted, after taking the girls shopping, getting ready for the new school year she treated herself to a few new items of clothes, ready to start college in the fall. She found herself missing Derek; which was crazy as it had only been a few hours since she left him at the house; which reminded her that she was mad at him for the kiss earlier. She didn't want to flaunt their relationship in front of the girls.

"Meri," Molly said noticing that her sister seemed far away. Molly tugged on Meredith's hand to get her attention.

"Sorry Mols, what is it?" Meredith said, looking down at her sister.

"Can we go for some ice cream please?" she asked.

"We should head home sweetheart."

"Please Meredith, can we?" Lexie asked her sister. "We haven't seen you much on our own lately," she said. Meredith felt guilty; she didn't want her relationship with Derek to affect the relationship she had with her sisters.

"I am so sorry girls."

"Meredith, don't feel bad. It is not your fault," Lexie said, sounding older than her ten years.

"Come on then, ice cream it is," she said to the girls.

"Yay!" Molly shouted, dancing around.

Arriving back at the house; she sent the girls up to their bedroom, knowing that they were longer than she intended and the girls needed bathing before dinner. She walked towards the kitchen.

"_**The person who you had made the promise to is dead. Meredith asked me to help her find her mother's grave Ma."**_

"_**I'm sorry Derek but you can't tell her."**_

Meredith was confused; she had no idea what they were talking about but she knew it was about her. She walked into the kitchen.

"_**Meredith has a right to know that her mom is still alive," Derek said loudly.**_

"What?!" she heard herself say. No, no, no this couldn't be right; her father would never have lied to her; not about this.

"Meredith," Derek said, taking a step toward her but just as he did, she took a step back.

"She is dead," she said, the tears falling and she made no attempt to stop them.

"Mer…"

"No…don't call me that," she shouted at Derek.

"Meredith," Carolyn said.

"You lied to me," she said angrily, the tears streaming down her face.

"Meredith, I promised your father," Carolyn tried to explain.

"I don't care what you promised him! You should have told me the truth!" she yelled. She couldn't believe that they had all been lying to her.

"It was for your own good Meredith."

"No; it wasn't…if it was for my own good you would have told me the truth. My dad would have told me the truth.

"Meredith, I am so sorry," Derek said. "I wanted to tell you the truth."

"But you didn't Derek. I loved you! I gave myself to you and you betrayed me; you all betrayed me."

"Mer…" Derek pleaded with her.

"No…" she said stepping back. "I don't want anything to do with you. I should have never trusted you," she said before running out of the kitchen.

On hearing the front door slam, Derek went to go after her but Carolyn grabbed his arm.

"Let her go, Derek."

"We should have never kept this from her. I told you it wouldn't end well," he said to his mother, before shaking her off and stomping out of the kitchen.

**I want to wish all my readers a Merry Christmas and a happy New Year and I will see you all in 2013.**


	35. Chapter 33

**I am sorry about the wait, I am struggling with writer's block at the moment so updates will be sporadic until I have enough chapters banked. I thought I had posted this chapter but it turns out I didn't and for that i am so sorry. Enjoy!****  
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**Chapter 33-**

Meredith practically collapsed on the park bench. Since leaving the house she hadn't stopped running and she was exhausted. She was glad that the park was empty as she couldn't face people right now. She had so much going through her head right at that moment. However, the ache that hurt the most was where Derek lay in her heart. He was her everything. How could he have lied to her? She had trusted him and he lied to her again. She shouldn't be surprised considering he was ready to have a relationship with her whilst he was still engaged to Isabelle.

What was wrong with her that everyone she loved and trusted lied to her? She knew getting involved with the Shepherds would lead to being hurt. She wished that she kept them all at arm's length until the war was over. Now, she had never been more determined to go back to England. There was no way to go back right now and there was no way that she would drag the girls back to a war zone. She knew that she had to return to the Shepherd house for now, although she would learn from her mistakes and keep her distance; until she found somewhere to live with the girls. The money her father left her meant that she and the girls could live comfortably if she hired a nanny whilst she found a job somewhere.

_She was playing in her bedroom with a doll; she called Miss Thomas. The nanny, Miss Margaret was not with her; she missed her mommy. Picking up Miss Thomas, she walked towards the door which was left slightly opened. Her small hand opened it; knowing even at three that she was not allowed to leave the nursery without Miss Margaret; or her mommy and daddy. Stepping out of the room, she could hear her mommy shouting…_

"_Mommy," she said…her mommy was home. "Mommy," she whispered reaching the stairs. Meredith could hear both her mommy and daddy shouting and the words 'leave', 'Meredith'._

_Meredith practically ran down the stairs, screaming. "Mommy!…mommy!…mommy!". Before she got to the bottom of the stair; she found herself being picked up in someone's arms. She could see her mommy crying and calling out for her as her daddy pulled her out of the house._

"_No…Thatcher…my baby!"_

"_You lost her the day you slept with him," her daddy screamed at her mommy before pushing her. Meredith watched as her mummy fell to the ground._

"_No…mommy!" she called out as her daddy banged the door shut as he walked up to a sobbing, screaming Meredith._

"_Margaret…get her upstairs!" he barked._

What she had trouble wrapping her mind around was that her own father, who adored and loved her, spent her entire life lying to her. She wondered how much Susan knew; if she knew the truth about Ellis. She didn't bother stopping the tears that fell; she didn't care anymore.

_They were near the water, in a big city; and there was a huge boat. Meredith held her daddy's hand tightly. She was scared, but maybe it was because it would be the place she saw mommy; she missed mommy. She looked up at the lady stood next to daddy. She pulled on daddy's hand._

"_See Mommy?"_

"_No baby…mommy died. She is in heaven looking over you."_

"_I…mommy," she cried._

"_I know baby, but you, Susan and daddy are moving to London."_

"_Where London?" she asked._

"_It is a long way away. We have to travel on this boat," her daddy explained and Meredith nodded._

"_Then will we see mommy?" she asked daddy._

"Mommy" Meredith breathed out as her tears continues to flow.

Lexie waited for Meredith to come back for 30 minutes. She decided to leave the room after making sure that Molly had her bath. She headed downstairs to find out what was keeping her sister. Walking into the kitchen she was Carolyn being held by Christopher, visibly upset. It was a few minutes before Carolyn noticed her standing there.

"Lexie," she whispered, trying to pull herself together.

"Where's Meredith?" she asked in a small voice, causing Carolyn to step away from her husband.

"Lex, she has gone out for a walk."

"She wouldn't have left us here…without telling us," Lexie said.

Carolyn knew that Lexie was right so she guessed it was time to be honest with her too. Motioning her to sit down next to her at the table, Carolyn took Lexie's hand in hers.

"Meredith overheard an argument between Derek and I about her mother"

"Oh no," Lexie exclaimed, feeling sick. Carolyn shared a look with her husband at the stricken panic looked on Lexie's face.

"Lexie," Carolyn said, coming to stand in front of her and bending down getting to her height. "Meredith doesn't need to know that you know. We should have never have put you in that position and I am so sorry Lexie."

"She will hate me, Mrs Shepherd!" Lexie said crying. Carolyn wrapped her arms around the sobbing girl; closing her eyes. She not only felt the guilt from keeping this from Meredith but she also felt the guilt of expecting a young girl to do the same. Meredith was the closest thing to a parent that they had and she asked her to lie to her.

"Now listen to me Alexandra Grey; Meredith will never hate you. She loves you. It is Derek and I she is mad at. Not you…never you," Carolyn assured her.

"I don't want her to leave me too!" Lexie cried out; making Carolyn realise that the girl never got over the death of her parents.

"Your sister loves you Lexie. She will not leave you sweetheart," Carolyn told her.

"Lexie," Meredith said from behind them, causing both Lexie and Carolyn to look up at her.

"Meri!" Lexie said running towards her and wrapping her arms around Meredith's waist. "I was so scared," she said.

"It's going to be alright Lexie. Can you do me a favour? Go and get your sister in the bath? I will be up shortly."

"You aren't going to leave again, are you?" Lexie asked her almost shyly.

"Never sweetheart, wherever I go, you will go," Meredith said, picking her sister up and embracing her. "I love you Alexandra," she told her.

"I love you too Meri," Lexie said, giving her sister one last hug before Meredith set her back down and watched as her she left the kitchen. Meredith turned back around to Carolyn and Chris. "I want to thank you both for having us here over the past 18 months but in light of recent events, as soon as I find somewhere for me and the girls to live, we will be leaving," she told them, before turning on her heel until she heard Chris talking.

"Meredith, I know you are upset but you do not have to leave. We promised your father that you can stay with us until the end of the war," he said.

"That may well be but my father is dead and any promises you made to him died right alongside him" she said coldly.

"Meredith" Carolyn said, stepping forward and ignoring the warning look her husband through her. "I am so sorry we hid the truth from you but you need to understand…"

"I don't want to hear it Mrs Shepherd," Meredith said, and Carolyn realised how serious she was. "Once he died, you could have told me," she told her. "I will let you know when I find us somewhere," she said walking out of the kitchen.

Carolyn couldn't stop the tears from falling as Chris wrapped an arm around his wife as she cried on his shoulder.

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	36. Chapter 34

**Originally this first part was going to be Derek and Carolyn but later decided that Christopher should be the one to speak to his son, plus he has taken a back burner during this story. There is also some Mer/Der but not what you were all hoping for. I know that this story has a lot of drama/angst and especially more so with resolving the Ellis storyline which will make this fic longer.**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 34**

**End of August 1941**

A week had passed since the night Meredith discovered that he had lied to her; he missed her so much. Even though they lived in the same house, he never saw her. He hardly ever saw Lexie or Molly either except for at meal times; but never Meredith. He wanted…no... he needed to talk to her. He found himself knocking on her bedroom door several times daily but she never once answered. After trying again that morning, he resorted to talking to her through her bedroom door, telling her how sorry he was but she never answered. It had been 7 days since he last saw her; last held her in his arms or talked to her.

Carolyn found him nursing a rather large glass of scotch at 9 o clock in the morning.

"Don't you think it is a bit early?" she asked her son, whilst she made a pot of coffee for the household.

"Not really," Derek said miserably, not looking up from his scotch.

Carolyn didn't say anything to him until she took the seat next to her son, who she had noticed had been so miserable and so quiet for the past 7 days.

"Derek," she said gently; reaching out to touch him. He pulled his hand away from his mother's touch.

"Don't," he said.

"Der…"

"Mom…stop," he said, standing up and heading out the back door into the garden. Carolyn followed him.

"Derek…I am so sorry. I should have never asked any of you to keep the secret."

"No, you shouldn't have mom. How could you let them stay here?"

"I remember you asking me that before," she told him.

"I told you that you would never be able to keep this from Meredith and I should have never gone along with it. I thought it was for her own good!"

"It was Derek," Carolyn insisted.

"No ma…" he turned and started to shout, not noticing his father stood in the doorway.

"You will not talk to your mother like that Derek Christopher Shepherd," Chris warned him; a little shocked at his outburst.

"Chris…"

"Don't Carolyn. Derek needs to talk to you with respect," he told her before turning to his son. "Derek, I know you are upset but that is no excuse to talk to your mother in that way; nor to be drinking at 9 in the morning," he said, taking the glass of scotch out of Derek's hand. He passed it to Carolyn. "Let me talk to Derek alone please, sweetheart?" Carolyn nodded but not before giving her son a concerned look before heading into the house.

"Derek, talk to me," Chris said. Derek looked up at his father and burst into tears. Chris went to give his son a hug but Derek stepped away from him.

"Don't dad…please?" he said, trying to pull himself together. Chris knew not to push his son as Derek would talk about this in his own time. After a few minutes of silence, Derek spoke.

"I miss her…I miss her so much dad. She won't even speak to me."

"She hasn't spoken to any of us since she found out," Chris sighed.

"I just want to explain why I never told her…I love her dad."

"I know you do Derek and I know you always wanted to tell her the truth. Although, it has only been a week Derek; give her time. Everything that she has been told over the last 13 years, she has just found out is a lie."

"I know dad and I know I am being selfish but I just want her to talk to me; even if it is just to yell at me."

"She will Derek. I know you are finding it hard right now but it will all figure itself out. In the meantime don't give up; keep doing what you are doing; let her know that you are there for her. Give her a reason to stay here with us," Chris told him.

"Give her a reason to stay," Derek repeated. "Dad…what are you talking about?"

"Nothing Derek," Chris said, not wanting Derek to worry.

"Dad," Derek said. Chris sighed knowing that Derek wouldn't let this go.

"Meredith is talking about leaving."

"She can't…it is not safe in England," Derek stated, annoyed that she was even considering it.

"She's not talking about England Derek," Chris replied.

"You can't let her leave Dad," Derek pleaded.

"I can't stop her Derek; she is 19 years old and the girls' legal guardian."

"If she leaves dad; I…we will never see her again," Derek said sounding panicked and rushing into the house.

"Derek," Chris shouted but Derek ignored him.

Derek rushed upstairs and as he went to bang on Meredith's door, he saw her coming out of the bathroom; he wanted to drink her in because it was the first time he had laid eyes on her in over a week but he knew if he stopped she would run. Derek grabbed her by the arm and pulled her back into the bathroom; not before locking the door behind him. He made sure to stand between her and the door as he took the opportunity to look at her; his heart broke for her. He had not seen her look so pale; the puffy eyes and dark circles reminded him of months before; just after her parents died.

"God Mer…I have missed you so much," he said, going to gather her in his arms but she shook him off and stepped back.

"Get away from me," she hissed at him.

"I need to talk to you."

"I don't want to talk to you Derek. Get out of my way," she said, trying to rush by him.

She couldn't look at him; she did not even want to be in the same room as him. She had heard him at her door every day for the past week and she had desperately wanted to open that door to let him in and let him take her in his arms; she missed him; she loved him but then she would remember how he lied to her, how he betrayed her. Her body screamed at her to let him hold her but she couldn't; he had too much control over her and it was time that she put a stop to it.

"No," he said and stopped her. "I am going to talk and you are going to listen," he said firmly. When Meredith didn't answer him; he continued. "I am so sorry I didn't tell you the truth Meredith but I didn't know how."

"All you had to say was 'Meredith your mom is alive'," she quipped back.

"It was not that easy Meredith. I didn't want to hurt you!" Derek defended their actions.

"Well Isabelle had no issue telling me the truth and you did hurt me Derek!" she spat at him.

"Isabelle had no right to tell you. I know I hurt you Meredith and I am sorry. I love you," he whispered.

"You love me…don't make me laugh…if you loved me you would never have kept this from me," she said angrily. Meredith had no idea how attractive she looked before Derek; she looked flushed and so gorgeous, Derek couldn't stop himself and stepped towards her, cupping her face in his hands. Stepping back to avoid his touch, Meredith's back hit the basin.

Lowering his head; he captured her mouth with his own. Meredith's hands rested on his chest to push him away and as she opened her mouth to protest, he slipped his tongue in which was Meredith's undoing. Unwillingly, she deepened the kiss. His fingers started playing with the skin in between her top and skirt. Meredith moaned at the contact…god she missed him. She wrapped her legs around his waist.

"God I miss you Mer," Derek whispered in her ear as he sucked on her earlobe. Meredith stiffened in his arms and she pushed him away and leapt off to the side.

"Stay away from me," she said, stepping back from him.

"Mer…" he said reaching out to her.

"NO!" she screamed at him.

"Meredith," he pleaded with her reluctantly taking a step away from her.

"Please don't…don't touch me," she begged him, raising her hands to ward him off. She was so embarrassed at how her body betrayed her; she buried her face in her hands and sobbed.

"Meredith," Derek said, kneeling down in front of her but he never attempted to take a step forward or to touch her.

"No Derek," she said harshly as she lifted her head and made eye contact with Derek for the first time in a week. "Don't Meredith me. You lied to me; you have spent the last 18 months lying to me and not just about this," she said standing up and started to pace in the small room.

"I thought we got passed Isabelle?" Derek questioned.

"Got…passed…" she said before bursting out laughing. "You treated me like a whore," she told him.

"No!"

"Shut up Derek! You treated me like a whore and I hate you for that. I liked you and you knew that and you used me. I asked you to prove to me that you loved me and stupid me, I believed you. You betrayed me Derek and I want nothing to do with you or your family and the sooner I can leave the better." she said.

"No…"

"What do you mean no?"

"No, you can't leave. I love you; believe me or not but I do love you. I will go and stay with Mark; I will get out of your sight as long as you promise not to leave here. I know you feel as if we betrayed you but we were trying to protect you and I will do whatever you want. Please Meredith?" he begged her. He didn't want to lose her but he also needed to know she was safe and if the only way to ensure that was by leaving then that is what he would do.

"Don't be ridiculous Derek; this is your home. It is not mine or the girls," Meredith argued.

"Lexie and Molly are happy here; and so were you. You are hurt Meredith which I understand and I will leave you alone while you deal with this but know this, I will not give up on you. I will give you the space you need but I will always be here for you no matter what. I am going to stay with Mark until school starts up. I love you Meredith," he said, not bothering to hide the tears that fell. He needed to give himself a chance to deal with everything and give Meredith some space; he just hoped that she would give them all the chance to make it up to her.

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	37. Chapter 35

**A/N Thank you for your reviews on the last chapter.**

** I don't know when American universities/colleges starts there semesters but in this fic I am going to say it starts mid-September, around the time some UK universities begins their terms. **

**I have done a lot of research into this chapter and it has made me want to get my ass to New York so I can visit Niagara, the photos are amazing. I wanted to treat you all to a less angsty chapter since the last few chapters has cranked the angst up a notch. **

**This is my second version of this chapter and I think it is much better than the previous version I wrote. Thanks to Suzy for proofing this chapter for me.**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 35- A trip to the Falls**

**September 1941**

Meredith woke the girls up at 7 o'clock that Saturday morning; she decided to treat the girls and take them away for the weekend. She would have less time with the girls when she started university the following week. She gave the girls their breakfast; whilst she got herself ready and packed them all an overnight bag.

She needed a break; to get away from the house. She felt like she was suffocating despite things being slightly easier now Derek had gone to stay with Mark. Meredith felt guilty that Derek had decided to move out; this was his home but she still felt like she was constantly on edge, afraid to bump into any of the Shepherd's when she did venture out of her room.

She knew it was time that she stopped hiding from everyone and after this weekend that was exactly what she was going to do. She couldn't carry on like this; it was selfish of her and it wasn't fair on Lexie and Molly. She was still angry but if she was honest, that anger was directed more at her father - he was the one that spent the last 15 years lying to her but it was easier to blame the Shepherds since her father was dead.

A part of her knew that Carolyn did what she thought was best for her and her sisters but it still hurt and Derek's part in it all hurt her even more; he broke her heart and his lie was the hardest one to deal with, after her father's. She missed Derek so much but she wasn't ready to face him yet. She would take it one day at a time starting with Carolyn and Chris. She needed one more day and then she would deal with it.

After loading up the automobile she went to check on the girls but when she walked into the kitchen she saw Chris and Carolyn sat at the table chatting with the girls. Both Chris and Carolyn looked up at her at the same time. She took a deep breath before greeting them for the first time in two weeks.

"Good morning," she said as she started to clear up the girl's breakfast dishes.

"Morning Meredith," Carolyn said to her.

"Morning Meredith, it's good to see you," Chris said to her. Meredith offered him a tight smile.

"I am taking Lexie and Molly away for the night," she informed them.

"Where are you going?" Carolyn asked unsure whether Meredith would tell them or not.

"Up to Niagara Falls."

"That will be good for you all. We are having a family dinner tomorrow night," Carolyn informed her. "Will you be joining us?" she asked gently, hoping Meredith would accept the invitation. Meredith was silent for a moment. "Derek will be here too," Carolyn added, giving her warning. Chris warned her that morning not to push Meredith when she shared her plans but she knew that she needed to ask her at least; she was still a part of the family.

Meredith knew in that moment it was decision time; she could say no but she knew it was time to put the last couple of weeks behind her; a little earlier than planned.

"What time?"

"5 o'clock," Carolyn answered, holding on to hope.

"We will be back in time," she said, before turning to Lexie and Molly. "Go and get your coats and shoes on please?"

Lexie took Molly by the hand and lead her out of the kitchen. Meredith watched them leave and once they left she turned back to Carolyn and Chris.

"I want to apologise for my behaviour over the past two weeks," Meredith said, taking the plunge.

"We are so sorry Meredith," Carolyn told her.

"I know but I don't want to-do this today. Can we talk about it another day?" she asked them and Carolyn nodded; not before squeezing Chris's hand for reassurance.

"Whenever you are ready Meredith," Carolyn assured her. Meredith gave her a tight smile.

"I will see you tomorrow. Bye," she said.

Meredith turned into the Niagara Reservation, the drive to upstate New York took several hours and it was nearing lunch time before they pulled up at the hotel where they would be staying that night. Meredith had to make several stops because Lexie had been travel sick; which was the first time since the journey over to the US.

"How are you feeling Lexie?" she asked her.

"I am fine, Meredith."

"Good, we are almost here girls," Meredith told them.

"Where are we Meredith?" Molly piqued up sleepily; she had spent the last hour asleep with her head on Lexie's lap.

"We are at Niagara Falls Mols."

"Where is that too?"

"We are still in New York sweetheart. After the hotel, I have a surprise for the both of you"

"What is it?" Lexie asked. Meredith smiled her first genuine smile in two weeks.

"It won't be much of a surprise if I tell you both," she teased them.

"Please Meredith," Lexie said. She was so happy to see her big sister relaxed and carefree.

"Yes, Please Meri, tell us," Molly whined.

"No," she laughed, pulling into a car park. "Time to go to the hotel," she said as she pulled into a parking space.

Meredith took the girl's hands as they left the hotel. She had given them the speech about holding her hand and not running off which Molly was famous for; she can't remember how many times their parents had panicked because of Molly running off. They walked the block to the Niagara River.

Walking along the river, Meredith enjoyed the fresh air; the smells of the water, it reminded her of home; in a way it made her miss it more because she missed being by the water. Just being able to take a walk along the edge of the Thames always relaxed her and apart from the trips to the Hamptons, it wasn't often she got to be by the water. As the American Falls came into sight; she could hear the girls gasp at the sight of the natural beauty in front of them. She held Molly's hand tighter not trusting her to slip out of her grip.

"Wow," Lexie gasped.

"Meri…look," Molly shouted, and Meredith could feel a tug on her arm as Molly surged forward. Meredith was glad that she had such a tight grip on her.

"I know Molly but what did I tell you?"

"No running off," Molly sighed.

"Yes I did, now you will stay by my side Miss Grey," Meredith told her and Molly started giggling.

"I am sorry," she said ducking her head.

"I know you are Molly. Come here," she said, lifting Molly in her arms and carrying her.

"It is beautiful Meredith," Lexie said in awe and in that instant, looking at the girls faces, she knew coming here was the right decision; they all needed this.

"How would you like to get a closer look?"

"Yes please Meredith, can we?" Lexie asked practically bouncing. Meredith smiled at her sisters' antics; it had been a long time since she had seen Lexie so excited about something.

"Of course we can," Meredith told her; what she didn't tell her she how close they were actually going to get.

They boarded the Maid of the Mist II; it was the first time any of them had been on a boat since the trip to the US from England. Meredith hoped that since it was a small boat compared to the ship they travelled on; the Concorde; that the girls were ready for this especially with Lexie being ill on the journey up here. Both the girls tightened their grip on her as the boat left the dock and headed out towards the Falls. Molly was still held in Meredith arms and her small arms tightened on her neck whilst Lexie held her arm tighter.

Meredith pointed out that the other side was Canada but since the bridge connecting the American side and the Canadian side of the falls wasn't yet completed, they couldn't walk over to the Canadian side. She had planned this trip back in July after discussing it with Derek; a part of her wished that he was with them. Maybe one day she would come back here with him but she loved being able to share this with her sisters.

Meredith was half listening to the guide who was telling them about the history of the falls but she was more enthralled by the looks on her sister's face as the spray of the American Falls washed over them; seeing their face lighting up at the view, which she had to admit was spectacular, made everything worth it.

"Meri! Rainbow!" Molly said pointing and bouncing in her arms.

"I see Molly," Meredith said, smiling.

When the boat stopped in front of the falls, Meredith felt a tap on her shoulder and she turned to find an elderly couple who asked her if she would like a photograph of her and her family. Meredith accepted and passed them the camera that she had and they had a photograph taken with the falls behind them. She was surprised that they managed to keep the camera dry and she thanked them.

After arriving back on dry land she decided to leave the Caves of the Wind until the next day and head for an early dinner; with the excited day the girls had, he could tell how tired Molly was. They headed back to the hotel; this trip was paid by some of the inheritance that they received from their parents and normally she would never be so extravagant to book them into an expensive hotel but she figured that her father owed them and the girls would have the best as long as she cared for them.

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	38. Chapter 36

**A/N I am so sorry about the wait but I have really struggled writing this chapter. It is a little on the short side but I think this chapter and the next one can stand separate; I was going to combine them both but this chapter has turned out a bit more angsty than I planned. **

**I want to give a huge thanks to Kate and to Jill for their advice on this chapter and to Suzy for proofing.**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 36**

After exploring The Cave of the Winds that morning, they headed for the Niagara Restaurant that overlooked the American Falls for lunch before they started the drive back to New York; Lexie and Molly were happy to see Meredith looking relaxed. It had been a week since Molly had expressed concerns to Lexie about Meredith and now Lexie was not only worried about her older sister but also her baby sister. Lexie had managed so far, to stop Molly from asking too many questions about why they weren't spending time with the Shepherd's anymore. Lexie had been watching Molly closely that morning.

Whilst Meredith was ordering their lunch, Lexie leant over to Molly and whispered to her.

"Mols…No!"

"Meri" Molly said; ignoring Lexie.

"Yes sweetheart?" Meredith said giving her sister a small smile.

"Why don't you spend any time with Chris and Carolyn anymore?" Molly asked her.

"Molly, I told you not to ask that," Lexie said to Molly.

"Lexie, it is fine," Meredith reassured her. Truth be told, she had been waiting for one the girls to ask her. Meredith still didn't know that Lexie was aware of the situation between her and the Shepherds.

"We had an argument," Meredith told her.

"Why?" Molly asked; not quite understanding.

"They made a decision for me that I disagreed with," Meredith told her, not wanting the girls to know the truth; not yet anyway.

"They did it to protect you," Lexie blurted out, before clapping her hand over her mouth.

"Lexie…you don't know…"

"I do Meredith," Lexie interrupted her. She decided to be honest.

"Lex…"

"You have a different mummy to us, I know. I overheard Carolyn and the lady talking about it," Lexie interrupted; causing Meredith to freeze. She did not want the girls knowing that.

"What lady, Lexie?"

"Ellis," Lexie said.

"Ellis…when did you see Ellis?" Meredith asked, not quite believing what Lexie was telling her - that Lexie had lied to her.

"It was months ago; not long after we arrived here," she confessed.

"Why did you not tell me?" Meredith asked. "You should have told me!" She insisted, not giving Lexie a chance to answer. Although, Lexie couldn't look at her sister, let alone answer her. She knew that Meredith felt betrayed by everyone and now she was adding to that list.

"Yes…I am so sorry…"

"She told you not to tell me, didn't she?" Meredith asked her as Lexie kept her head down and Molly kept looking between her two sisters, confused as to what was going on.

"No Meredith. I decided not to tell you," Lexie told Meredith; which was the truth, she decided that she wasn't going to tell her.

"Lexie…you are too young to make that decision yourself."

"No I am not Meredith…I am not a baby. Carolyn and Chris were trying to protect you…" Lexie said before Meredith interrupted her and told her in no uncertain terms. "We are not talking about this here"

"Who's Ellis?" Molly asked.

"No one you need to worry about Molly," Meredith told her as the waiter served them with their food.

They ate their meal in silence, giving Meredith time to think about what Lexie had said. Meredith knew that Lexie was right; that they were trying to protect her but she was still so angry with everyone. Everything she knew was turned upside down and she didn't know what was real anymore. All she knew was that everyone lied to her including her own sister and that hurt more than anything; she had no idea how to proceed.

After lunch they returned to the hotel to pack their bag for the journey back to New York. Meredith hadn't said a word since leaving the restaurant and Lexie couldn't stand it any longer; when Molly went to the bathroom she turned to her sister.

"Meredith; please talk to me," Lexie begged her. "We need to talk."

"No we don't Alexandra…now go and pack," she told her.

"I am so sorry Meredith."

"Sorry…everyone is sorry. Well sorry isn't good enough. It was bad enough knowing mum and daddy lied to me but you Lexie. All I want is for people to stop lying to me and be honest with me for once," Meredith screamed before collapsing on the floor in a heap and her sobs ripping Lexie's heart out.

She wished that her sister didn't have to go through this and that she could take Meredith's pain away. Lexie wished that they could all go back to the way things were before coming to America. She was 10 years old but she felt so much older. She knew how much Meredith had given up for her and Molly but she wished she could be a child again; like Molly, who seemed to be so unaffected by all this. She wished she never knew the truth that they had stayed in London with her parents; despite everything that had happen.

Lexie pulled herself out of her stupor and sat down beside her sister, her small frame wrapping around her sister's much larger one. She kept murmuring, "I am so sorry," repeatedly in her sister's ear, before noticing Molly standing in the doorway looking terrified.

"Molly…come here," Lexie said, and Molly sat on the other side of Meredith, wrapping her small arms around her sisters, unconsciously creating a cocoon with Lexie around their sister. Meredith's hand unconsciously started stroking her hair whilst she pulled herself together. What seemed like hours later the tears stopped and although Meredith felt exhausted she also felt like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulder. The one thing that this trip had accomplished was that Meredith had finally come to terms with everything and maybe, just maybe, something good would come from all this.

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	39. Chapter 37

**A/N This is the longest chapter I think I have written. I did toy with the idea of splitting it into two chapter but decided to keep it has it is. Thanks to Jill and Suzy for their help **** You should recognise the flashbacks from a previous chapter, I decided to re-use them here because I though they fit well within the scene.**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 37- Family Dinner**

The drive back to New York was quiet but Lexie noticed an immediate difference in Meredith; she seemed much more at peace with herself. Until Meredith broke down in the hotel room, Lexie never realised how much all this had affected her sister.

"Meredith?"

"Yes Lexie?" Meredith replied; not taking her eyes of the road as she turned into the Shepherd estate.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

"I am alright Lex, I promise," Meredith told her.

Having reached the top of the driveway Meredith noticed all the Shepherd's automobiles parked; meaning that everyone had arrived already. Meredith pulled up alongside Derek's car and for a split second she felt panic, until she felt someone's hand on her shoulders. She turned around and saw it was Lexie.

"What is happening Meredith?" Molly asked.

"It's a Shepherd family dinner…I forgot. Lexie, I need you to take Molly up that stairs and freshen up. I will follow you once I get our luggage," Meredith asked Lexie who nodded in response. She realised that Meredith needed a few minutes on her own.

"Of course Mer," she said to her before turning to Molly and indicating to her to get out of the car. Lexie climbed out before turning back to Meredith. "I didn't think that we would be attending the family dinner."

"I promise Carolyn that we would and it is about time I stopped hiding," Meredith told her.

"Are you sure you are ready Mer?" Lexie asked her.

"Not really sweetheart but I can't hide forever. I just need a minute."

"Okay Mer…we will see you upstairs," she said and with that Lexie took Molly hand and led her into the house.

Once the girls disappeared into the house, out of sight, Meredith took the opportunity to pull herself together. The person she was most worried about seeing was Derek; she needed to prepare herself, as all she could think about was how Derek had hurt her the most. In the past few days, she hadn't been able to stop thinking about Derek and since visiting Niagara, it was even harder to keep him out of her head. After all it was a trip they had planned to take together. If she was honest with herself, she had never been able to keep him out of her head even when she was angry and mad at him but she wasn't ready to admit that to herself just yet.

Carrying their luggage into the house she was relieved not to bump into anyone; which was surprising considering how many people were in the house. She relaxed once she reached the bottom of the stairs – that was until she heard him behind her.

"Meredith?"

Meredith took a deep breath before turning around to face him. His eyes met hers. She felt her breath hitch in her throat. Meeting his eyes for just that second told her all she needed to know because it was a sight that she saw in the mirror daily, in her own eyes; the pain. She didn't miss how they lit up when he saw her before she turned and ran up the stairs. She couldn't do this; she wasn't ready so she ran!

Meredith slammed her door shut… she slid down the door until she was sat on the floor; the bags forgotten next to her and she buried her head in her hands. She needed to pull herself together. She was tired of hiding but she wasn't sure she was as ready as she thought she was. She could hear Lexie and Molly in the bathroom so she pulled herself together, wiped her tears as she stood up to go and help them.

She knew that Lexie would notice her red puffy eyes but before she could ask her anything, she got them both back into the bedroom. Meredith splashed water on her face and ran her fingers through her hair. She did not have time to worry about herself and as long as the girls looked presentable then it was fine.

Meredith had considered sending the girls down before her but decided against it; they were already ten minutes late for dinner. Mentally preparing herself, she opened the bedroom door to find Derek standing on the other side; his hand raised as if he was about to knock.

"Derek!" she exclaimed, her eyes widening at the sight of him. That was twice within 30 minutes that she had seen him.

"Ma wanted me to tell you that dinner is ready," he told her; his eyes scanning her unable to stop himself from drinking her in. It had been weeks since he had seen her last and he missed her.

"We are coming," she said; the girls appearing by her side. Meredith followed the girls out of the bedroom, leaving Derek standing there watching her go.

Derek wanted to chase after her and make her listen to him but he resisted the urge. He knew that Meredith needed to come to him in her own time but he didn't know how much longer he could wait. It was driving him crazy with how much he missed her. He promised himself that soon this would be sorted out, one way or another.

Lexie and Molly walked briskly into the dining room. Meredith, however, was a little more hesitant. It had been 3 weeks since everything had happened and she hadn't seen anyone other than Carolyn and Chris. She walked into the dining room with her head held high; after all she hadn't done anything wrong. Although, she faltered slightly when everyone eyes immediately set on her, bar Chris.

Derek came in behind her and almost walked directly into her but stopped at the last minute. He was directly behind her and he could feel her nerves coming off her in waves. He initiated contact between them by placing his hand on the base of her spine; it was the first time he had touched her since their kiss in the bathroom weeks before. Meredith stiffened before relaxing into his touch; he sent everyone in the room a glare before they went back to their previous conservations.

"Thanks," she whispered. Feeling herself melt into his simple touch she realised just how much she had missed it; missed him. She felt cold as soon as Derek moved away from her and sat at the opposite end of the table. Meredith placed herself in between Lexie and Molly.

As usual, dinner at the Shepherd household meant everyone attended and it was always a noisy affair but for once, Meredith loved it. It kept most of the attention off her. However, when the kids were running around she could feel everyone watching her throughout dinner - especially Derek, who barely took his eyes off her.

"So, Meredith...how was your trip?" Chris asked her.

"It was good," she replied with a smile.

"Where did you go? Kathleen asked; picking up from her father's interest.

She had wanted to talk to Meredith and apologise since Meredith walked into the room but seeing her reaction earlier she felt it wasn't the most appropriate time.

"Niagara Falls," she informed them; her eyes automatically seeking out Derek's who happened to still be watching her - albeit discreetly.

"It is beautiful; we went there for our honeymoon," Kathleen said, reaching out for her husband's hand.

"It is; the girls loved it," Meredith said, grateful that Molly instantly started telling everyone what they did. Lexie started chiming in when Molly forgot some minor details. It had been a while since she had seen the girls so animated.

Meredith picked at her meal, moving it around her plate; she didn't feel hungry and the irony wasn't lost on her because if she was at home, she would have eaten whatever was put in front of her with all the rationing.

All eyes on Meredith started to become too much for her. She felt as if she couldn't escape.

"Will everyone stop watching me all the time!" she snapped…before pushing her chair back and running out of the room. Carolyn went to stand up and follow her but Derek stopped her.

"Ma, let me go," he insisted, going to stand up'

"I don't know if that is such a good idea son," Chris said. Derek stopped before turning to glare at his father.

"If I didn't listen to you in the first place, we might not be in this mess," he said.

"Derek; that is enough," Kathleen said; resting her hand on his shoulder. "I will go and try to talk to her."

"Okay Kathleen," Chris nodded. "Derek sit down and let's get back to our dinner," he said to the rest of the family.

Once in her room Meredith berated herself for running away; she told herself that she was ready to face them but maybe all at once wasn't the best idea. Meredith jumped when there was a knock at the door; she knew it was one of the Shepherd's but not sure who it would be.

"Enter," she called out.

"Meredith?" Carolyn said, opening the door but she didn't step into Meredith bedroom.

"Carolyn…I wandered who would follow me up here."

"Can we talk Meredith?" Carolyn asked.

"I suppose you better come in," Meredith said. Carolyn gave her a smile before stepping into the bedroom and closing the door behind her.

"I want to say is that I am so sorry Meredith," Carolyn apologised to her but she knew it would be never be enough.

"I know you are but you all lied to me." Meredith sighed.

"That isn't exactly true Meredith. You never asked after your mom," Carolyn treaded carefully.

"Oh come on Carolyn! …Maybe not…but you could have told me."

"Yes, I could have but I made a promise to your parents," she insisted.

"Why did my dad lie to me?" she asked Carolyn; looking at her for the first time since the conversation started.

"Meredith, it is not my place to answer that."

"Well he's dead so I can't exactly ask him now, can I?" Meredith asked. "Fine…if you can't tell me that then why didn't Lexie mention about Ellis coming here?" she asked. Carolyn couldn't hide the look of surprise on her face. "Tell me," Meredith ordered her.

"I have known Ellis since before you were born Meredith. She has been one of my closest friend's for over 20 years but your father is someone I have known since I was child. Not many people know this but we use to court before I met Chris."

"So why lie to me?" Meredith asked her.

"Your parents wanted to get you and the girls out of England for the duration of the war and they asked us if we would care for you all. I had no doubt in my mind that you were all safer here but there was one condition - that we never told your mother that you were here. I needed to know that you were safe so I accepted the terms. Your mom came to visit me. I hadn't seen her in over 5 years Meredith and I never thought she would return to New York. Lexie overheard us talking and realised the truth. I never asked her to keep it a secret Meredith and I wouldn't; that was her choice" Carolyn told her.

"Why did my mom leave me?"

"Meredith," Carolyn sighed, unable to say anything else.

"I need to know the truth Carolyn," Meredith pleaded quietly.

"It wasn't her choice Meredith. Ellis loved you more than anything but while she was married to your father, she fell in love with someone else and they had an affair. Your father discovered it and threw her out."

"I remember her screaming for me," Meredith whispered…her hands shaking as the memory resurfaced.

"_Mommy," she said…her mommy was home. "Mommy," she whispered reaching the stairs. Meredith could hear both her mommy and daddy shouting and the words 'leave Meredith'._

_Meredith practically ran down the stairs, screaming. "Mommy!…mommy!…mommy!". Before she got to the bottom of the stair; she found herself being picked up in someone's arms. She could see her mommy crying and calling out for her as her daddy pulled her out of the house._

"_No…Thatcher…my baby!"_

"_You lost her the day you slept with him," her daddy screamed at her mommy before pushing her. Meredith watched as her mummy fell to the ground._

"_No…mommy!" she called out as her daddy banged the door shut as he walked up to a sobbing, screaming Meredith._

"_Margaret…get her upstairs!" he barked._

"I remember her calling my name and I screaming for her..." she trailed off; another memory resurfacing.

_They were near the water, in a big city; and there was a huge boat. Meredith held her daddy's hand tightly. She was scared, but maybe it was because it would be the place she saw mommy; she missed mommy. She looked up at the lady stood next to daddy. She pulled on daddy's hand._

"_See Mommy?"_

"_No baby…mommy died. She is in heaven looking over you."_

"_I…mommy," she cried._

"_I know baby, but you, Susan and daddy are moving to London."_

"_Where's London?" she asked._

"_It is a long way away. We have to travel on this boat," her daddy explained and Meredith nodded._

"_Then will we see mommy?" she asked daddy._

"I remember daddy telling me mommy was in heaven," she said in between sobs.

"Meredith, your mom made a mistake and she paid for it; she lost the only thing she loved – you," Carolyn said grabbing her face. "Your mother loved you so much…she still does Meredith but what you do from here…well…that is your choice."

"I can't," Meredith said shaking her head.

"I know Meredith…and Ellis does not know you are here. I couldn't tell her but she was talking about going to England after the war and finding you," Carolyn whispered. "It is your choice Meredith," she repeated.

"I don't know Carolyn," Meredith said.

"No one will force you into a decision Meredith; it is entirely up to you how you proceed but know this, we will all support you in whatever you decide," Carolyn assured her.

"Thanks," Meredith sighed having no idea where to go from here.

Carolyn stood up and went to leave before turning back to Meredith and saying,

"Derek only did what I told him so please stop shutting him out," she pleaded slightly. "He wanted to tell you the truth but I forbade him from doing it. He loves you Meredith and he will do whatever you want but know this…you are breaking his heart …but he will wait for you," she said before leaving the room.

Meredith knew that things would never be easy but she had survived this long without her mother and she didn't need her now. If she was honest, she missed the Shepherd's and deep down she knew that they cared and loved her. It was finally time to let go of the lies and let the truth rein free…starting with Derek.

**The ending of this chapter has been re written 3 times until I was happy with it. Each version had a different characters talking to Meredith but in the end I think Carolyn was the right choice. **

**Next chapter is a bit of a filler but it will have a little bit of Mer/Der interaction; before we get to the Meredith and Derek talk in chapter 39.**

**Please Read and Review :)**


	40. Chapter 38

**A/N As I have said before I know nothing about the American University system except for what you see in films and TV and I know even less about it in this time period. So these chapters probably will not be historically accurate but I have tried my best. This is just a filler update (a bit of a break from the angst) and it will lead into a Meredith and Derek reunion. There is a bit of Meredith and Derek interaction in this chapter.**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 38-**

It was lunchtime on her first day at university and Meredith felt completely overwhelmed with all of this information swimming in her head. What made it harder was that she didn't know anyone here. Maybe if things were different than she wouldn't be completely alone. Staring down at her lunch; which she did not really want, she never noticed the deep blue eyes watching her.

Derek had arrived on campus earlier that morning; he was not due back until the following week but knowing that it was Meredith's first day he felt the need to be there just in case. Walking into the cafeteria with the younger brother of a friend, his eyes searched out for Meredith and noticed her sat on her own in the corner of the cafeteria. He debated with himself whether to approach her or not since things between them were still so fragile but he found himself walking over to her table.

"Hey Meredith," Derek said. Meredith's head whipped up to meet Derek's eyes; he was the last person that she expected to see but she couldn't deny how her heart pounded in her chest with nerves which was strange as she also felt relief wash over her at seeing someone she knew.

"Derek," she murmured; gesturing for him to sit down.

"How are you doing?" Derek asked; now he knew that she would talk to him.

"Fine," she said. Derek cocked his eyebrow as if to say 'I don't believe you'. "I am not your concern Derek," Meredith warned him and with that, all of Derek's hopes plummeted. Meredith wanted to kick herself because she never meant to say that but the anger she felt was still there, shimmering just below the surface.

"I'm sorry Meredith; I will leave you alone," Derek said, not able to hide the hurt that flashed across his face which made Meredith's heart lurch in her chest. As she saw him standing up and walking away from her, she found herself calling out to him.

"Derek!" she called out and Derek froze, turning to face her. "I am scared and overwhelmed," she admitted to him, as he walked back to her, not quite ready to apologise for her little outburst.

Derek gave her a smile and took another few steps back to her side and sat next to her. He wanted to reach for her hand but he didn't.

"I know Meredith," he assured her. "I remember my first day, I felt exactly the same way and I even had Mark with me. Have you met anyone yet?" he asked and Meredith shook her head. "You will," he said, giving her a smile.

"Thank you Derek," she said, giving him the first genuine smile directed at him for weeks.

"When is your next lecture?" he asked her, taking the opportunity to talk to her whilst she let him. Derek had missed this so much; just being able to talk to her. He still held out hope that she would be able to put the last month behind her.

"In 30 minutes," she said, before turning back to her lunch. Derek knew that it was the end of their conversation.

"Good luck Mer," he said, standing up. "Bye."

Meredith watched him walk away. Derek always knew how to make her feel better; she missed him. Maybe it was time to start making amends to Derek. Carolyn had been repeatedly hinting since the family dinner over a week ago.

Meredith found a seat at the back of the lecture hall; she was glad that she arrived when she did as the class was filling up quickly. Looking around, she noticed that apart from the free seat next to her, the rest of them were at the front of the class. Meredith noticed whom she figured was the professor of the class standing up when she heard someone saying, excuse me. The blonde smiled at her.

"Is this seat taken?" She asked softly.

"No," Meredith said, standing up and letting the girl get by.

"Hello, I am Elizabeth," she introduced herself, sitting down in the seat.

"Meredith," she said, shaking her out stretched hand; whilst she took a seat.

"English?" she asked.

"Yes"

"Wow, I have a stepsister who lives in England," she responded. "Well, if she is still alive," she added.

"Not much news gets out from Great Britain at this time," Meredith said sadly.

"Yeah, well my stepmother's contact hasn't been able to get any news on her since the beginning of the war," Elizabeth said to her. Meredith nodded; not knowing what else to say, she turned to face the front of the class as the professor started talking. She found herself a little distracted during the lecture, thinking if Ellis had ever tried to find her or did anything similar but she tried to shake the thoughts away. They wouldn't do her any good.

Meredith was putting her notebooks into her bag when Elizabeth spoke to her.

"Would you like to go and get a drink?"

Meredith hesitated before accepting. She didn't really know anyone outside of the Shepherd's and she hasn't seen Simon in months.

"That would be nice Elizabeth," she said.

"Oh please, call me Lizzie; only my mom calls me Elizabeth," she said grabbing her bag.

The walk across the quad was done in complete silence; Meredith couldn't help but feel a little self-conscious, making friends was never easy for her. She had always preferred to keep to herself.

Meredith looked up at the clock on the wall and saw that it was 5 o' clock; they had been sat there talking for 2 hours. Meredith was surprised at how easy it was to talk to her and there was a few things that were familiar about her. However, she couldn't put her finger on what it was.

"Lizzie; I'm sorry I have to go. My sisters will be wondering where I am, "she said; pulling on her coat.

"I should get back to campus. My father is picking me up in 30 minutes. I will walk back with you," Lizzie said to her.

"Meri," she heard Molly shout as she walked into the house. Molly threw her arms around her waist. "I missed you," she told her sister.

"Well, I missed you too Miss Molly," she said running her fingers through Molly's straight hair.

"Hey Meredith, I was worried," Carolyn told her; stepping out into the foyer from the kitchen, wiping her hands in the apron that she was wearing. "How was your first day?"

"It was good. Sorry, I should have called, I didn't think. I went for a drink with a friend."

"You don't have to answer to me Meredith," Carolyn smiled kindly.

"I will go and freshen up before dinner," she told Carolyn, planting a kiss on Molly's head.

"Dinner will be in an hour," Carolyn said before turning back into the kitchen. Meredith looked down at Molly and Molly smiled at her before running back to the playroom.

Upon entering her bedroom; she dropped her bag on the bed and was about to head towards the bathroom that she shared with her sisters until she noticed the figure that stood by her window…

"We need to talk?"

TBC

**Please Read and Review **


	41. Chapter 39

**A/N** **I am posting this a day earlier than planned...Yay! I am hoping that the comments I get will inspire me for the next chapter which I am having a little trouble with writing. I think drama is much more easier to write than fluff. Finally some proper Meredith and Derek interaction. **

**This chapter is a little different from what I had imagined it was going to be; I was expecting to write Meredith and Derek having a screaming match but in the end this is what came out and I love it .**

**Enjoy! **

**Chapter 39-**

_Previously on Insatiable_

"_We need to talk"_

Meredith froze! She didn't turn to face him. She didn't want to do this today; whilst she was grateful to him for that morning, she wasn't ready to have this conversation.

"Meredith?" he repeated.

"I can't," she whispered so quietly, Derek almost never heard her.

"You can't keep avoiding this Meredith," he insisted. "We need to talk sometime," he told her but Meredith shook her head, still not turning around to face him.

"You said you would give me space," she argued softly.

"I know I did," Derek said, sighing as he ran his fingers through his dark curls, "but we can't carry on like this," he pleaded with her.

"You mean you can't," she said turning to face him; but she wouldn't make eye contact or even look at him; she couldn't. He sent her senses into overdrive and she knew she would just forgive him on the spot.

"No, you're right, I can't," he answered honestly. "I have tried to keep my promise but this is getting ridiculous Mer," he said to her. He knew that she needed him to be honest and that wasn't going to be easy because he so desperately didn't want to hurt her anymore. He had done enough of that for a lifetime.

"So we talk when you want to; is that it?" she snapped at him and finally lifted her head to face him. "We will talk on my terms and…"

"On your terms; that will be never Meredith," Derek argued back.

"You lied to me!" She yelled at him.

"I know; and you have no idea how sorry I am for that," Derek told her, keeping his voice low. "I never wanted you to find out that way," he insisted.

"Then you should have told me," Meredith whispered as if she believed it was that simple.

"I wanted to Meredith but I didn't know how to," Derek answered, shaking his head. He was doing his best but his words were failing him.

"How about, 'Meredith your mother is alive'?" she threw at him sarcastically. "I confided in you that I wanted to see my mom's grave; that would have been the perfect time!"

"I wanted to Mer. You have to believe me," he begged her; he took a couple of steps towards her. However, noticing Derek stepping closer towards her, Meredith took a step back.

"Please stop," she pleaded, sounding vulnerable which stopped him in his tracks.

"Meredith," he said gently, letting her name roll off his tongue; he had missed saying her name. It was a little sad really.

"Don't come any closer…I can't handle this," she begged him; all the anger completely gone from her voice. It was just too exhausting.

Derek's heart broke at hearing her sounding so broken; it was not a side of her that she had let any of them see very often. He felt so guilty; knowing that it was him that made her feel that way.

"I'm sorry," he murmured; unable to keep back the tears.

"Will everyone stop telling me they are sorry?" Meredith screamed at him. "I am tired of hearing that word…your family love that word, don't they?"

"Mer…"

"Shut up Derek…just shut up!" she shouted at him; the anger returning full force. She wished he would just go away but she knew that wouldn't happen unless she made him. She was tired of all the lies that seemed to surround their relationship. How could they have a relationship when it wasn't based on honesty?

"Mer" he said again; a little more gently.

"Don't Mer me, Derek! I asked you to be honest with me. I don't think that it is much to ask for," she said, keeping her eyes closed; she couldn't look at him while she said the next words. She couldn't see him break. "I…can't…do…this…anymore," she said in between sobs.

Derek's heart stopped in his chest at that moment; she couldn't mean…no she couldn't mean. Kneeling down on his knees so he was at the same height as her, he would not let her go without a fight; it was time that he put all of his fears behind him and fight for the woman he loves.

"So you can forgive mom and dad but not me? Is that what you are trying to say Meredith?" he asked her, when he crawled directly in front of her but he didn't try to reach out to her; she wouldn't be receptive.

"I haven't forgiven any one Derek but I am trying," she whispered. "As for you, this isn't our only problem. I can almost forgive you about not telling me about my mother. I know that you were only doing what you were asked and I can't completely blame you for that," she said, still keeping her eyes closed. She wouldn't let herself look at him because the moment she did, the fight would go out of her and she would give in to her urges.

"But?" He prodded, wanting an answer.

"But…I don't think this…us…is meant to be," she stuttered out nervously.

"No Mer," he said, reaching out and touching her hand. She pulled away from him and her reaction stung but it was not surprising.

"Please don't touch me Derek," she asked quietly. "Please don't make this any harder than it needs to be."

"I am not going to let you rip apart what we have," Derek told her, and Meredith laughed.

"What we have…what we had was based on lies! Derek, everything about us is based on lies," she said. Opening her eyes, she looked at him. For the first time since their conversation started, she really looked at him. She took in his fearful expression. She could still see hope lingering out the corner of his eyes. As quickly as she looked at him though, she looked away. She couldn't meet his gaze again.

"No it wasn't Mer," Derek argued back.

"First Isabelle, now my mother," Meredith listed off. " Was anything you said to me true Derek?" She asked; sounding so defeated that it broke Derek's heart a little more. If he couldn't get her to change her mind though, the pain he felt now would be nothing compared to the pain he would feel losing her for good. He couldn't lose her and if he did, it would be his own fault.

"Meredith, please don't do this! Don't push me away. I told you I love you and I meant every word. You have made my life complete Meredith Grey," Derek told her.

"I don't believe you," she whispered. Derek let the tears fall; but the one thing that still gave him the slightest bit of hope was that she still refused to meet his gaze and spoke to him in volumes. He took her hands in his and refused to let her go when she tried to pull away. He could feel the sparks between them every time they touched.

"Can't you feel that?" he said, his thumb gently caressing the back of her hand. Meredith refused to answer, her gaze resting on his thumb. She could feel exactly what he was talking about but she wouldn't admit it to him. His touch created havoc on her senses and she had to get him to let go; she yanked her hands away from him.

"Stop…please stop," she begged as she felt fresh tears in her eyes. The last thing she wanted to do was cry in front of Derek.

"Not until you look me in the eye and tell me that you don't want this; that you don't want us?" he said to her. "Tell me that you don't love me," he insisted.

Meredith wished that she could, wished that she could be strong enough, brave enough to do that; to do what he needed but she couldn't.

"Meredith…look at me," he commanded her gently; Meredith shook her head.

Derek placed his hand under her chin and lifted her head; he wasn't surprised to find her eyes closed. "Mer?" he whispered gently, caressing her cheek with his thumb, and he knew there was no way right now she would open her eyes look at him unless he did something. So for the first time in a month, he pressed his lips against hers and her eyes popped open to find Derek's blue eyes staring back at her. Derek smiled against her lips, those were the gorgeous green eyes that he had missed but they were so full of sadness and fear that it was hard to gaze into them. "I love you Meredith," he told her, pulling his lips away from hers, reluctantly.

"I can't," she murmured; Derek froze not sure what she was referring too.

"Can't what?" he asked.

"I can't tell you that," she said. Derek smiled at her.

"I have missed you so much," he whispered.

Meredith nodded, not trusting herself to say anything. Derek pulled her into his arms, knowing that although it wasn't quite over. Plus, it would take a lot more than this to get them back to where they were before all this. But he had faith that they would get there. That hope doubled when he felt her arms going around his shoulders and her head buried in the crook of his neck which told him that things were going to be alright.

**I will try to update again in two weeks providing my muse decides to cooperate with me.**


	42. Chapter 40

**A/N Thank you so much for all the reviews on the last chapter; they were awesome and I am glad that so many people are still enjoying this story; despite the lack of updates. Here is some more Mer/Der interaction for you; it is a continuation of the previous chapter with some fluff. I have the end of this fic, finally in sight now for the first time in months.**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 40**

Derek held her close; after all these weeks he finally had her in his arms and he had no intention of ever letting her go.

"I love you," Derek whispered softly in her ear. The moment he said he felt Meredith go tense in his arms and start to pull away from his embrace. His response was to tighten his hold.

"Let me go," Meredith whispered weakly but made no real attempt at moving from his embrace. For the first time in weeks she felt safe and she wished that if she closed her eyes she could pretend that the last few weeks never happened' but deep down she was tired of pretending all the time.

"Mer listen to me; I am not going to let you go. I know it will take time for you to trust me again but we can work on that. I will give you time that you need, but please stop pushing me away," Derek said as he pulled away. He lifted her chin up with his hand whilst his other hand wiped away the tears that had fallen.

"I don't know if I can trust you…again," Meredith told him silently.

"There will be no more secrets...I promise Mer," he whispered to her.

"You have said that before," Meredith said to him.

Derek could swear that his heart had stopped beating for about the hundredth tine during their conversation.

"I know and I wanted to tell you. I even tried to get mom and dad to tell you," Derek explained. "I know that doesn't make up for everything that happened, but Mer but you have to give me the chance to make it up to you. Can you do that?" Derek asked as he stared intensely at her. "Please, give me another chance and I promise you won't regret it," he said to her. His eyes were showing every fear, every emotion. Meredith knew that he was telling her the truth and that he wanted to prove it to her but another part of her was screaming that she shouldn't trust him she had tried that once before and look at what happened.

Deep down though Meredith knew what as she gently nodded her head.

Derek felt his heart start to beat again and released the breath that he never realised he had been holding. He leaned over and gave her a kiss on the forehead. He wanted to kiss her properly so that she could feel everything that he felt for her but the last thing he wanted to do was push her. He wanted to show her the relief that he felt in that she was giving him another chance. As soon as he found his lips brushing her's and Meredith pulled away.

"I'm sorry, I can't," she murmured as she scrambled away from him. "It is too fast."

"We will take this as slow as you want Meredith," Derek said as there was a knock at the door.

"Yes?" Meredith called out as she barely opened the door.

"Meredith...Carolyn asked me to tell you it is dinnertime," Lexie said to her sister.

"I will be down in a few minutes Lex," Meredith replied as Lexie nodded before turning and going back downstairs. Meredith closed the door and turned back towards Derek.

"Don't think this means that we can just go back to the way things were," Meredith told him. Derek nodded his head not trusting himself to say anything. "You hurt me more than anyone else Derek and I am scared that you will do it again." Derek opened his mouth to say something but Meredith cut him off.

"You do not get to say anything right now. You are only person that has the ability to tear me into pieces. You asked me if I could forgive you and I don't know if I can; and right now I don't know what I am more terrified of; you breaking my heart again or losing you for good. I do love you but I don't know if that will ever be enough but I am willing to give it a try," Meredith said to him.

Derek felt his whole body sag with relief. Despite letting him hold her he still was not sure if she would let him back into her life. Derek walked over to her in two large strides and pulled her into his arms as he lifted her off the ground and held her close.

Meredith felt as if her whole body was on fire, it had been too long since they had been intimate.

Meredith wrapped her arms around his neck as he lifted her up off the ground; she had always felt safe when Derek held her in his arms. As he placed her back on the floor Meredith gently brushed her lips against his biting gently on his bottom lip. Derek parted his lips and Meredith's tongue swept into his mouth; Derek let the kiss start off soft and gentle before starting to become more urgent. It had been a month of hell for the both of them and it was like an oasis in the middle of the dessert. The kiss had awakened a tidal wave of longing, and passion in both of them. Derek's hand found a patch of exposed flesh on her back and his thumb gently began rubbing it. Meredith could feel the heat of his thumb on her bare skin and it shot a wave of desire through her. It pulled her to her senses and she pulled away, both of them were breathless and Meredith could feel Derek's desire for her and despite sharing that desire she knew it was much too soon and she rested her forehead against his.

"I'm sorry," she murmured breathlessly.

"I'm not…don't worry Meredith," Derek smiled as he pressed another quick kiss to her lips before dropping his arms from her waist. "You better go downstairs; they will be waiting for us . I will be right down" he said to her. He needed a few minutes to compose himself before going downstairs.

"Okay" Meredith said as she reluctantly stepped away from him. She smiled at him before turning and heading out of her room. She turned around once to look back at Derek before pulling the door closed behind her.

Meredith was sitting out on the porch after dinner enjoying the quiet sunny autumn evening. Despite living here in America for eighteen months she still couldn't call it Fall; it was just too weird. She was so lost in her thoughts that she never noticed that someone was watching her.

Derek was standing leaning against the door watching her. Since their talk before dinner he couldn't keep his eyes off her and he was so relieved that she was going to give him a second chance… or more like a third chance in his case. He knew that he couldn't screw this up again; he would never survive losing her again. Derek walked over and sat down beside her and gently took her hand in his own Meredith jumped and turned to face him.

"You scared me," she whispered as Derek's thumb gently rubbed the back of her hand.

"Sorry I didn't mean too," Derek smiled "you were in a world of your own. I have been standing there for close to five minutes."

"I was just sitting here thinking," Meredith said as she rested her head on his shoulder. Derek let go off her hand and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. They simply sat there enjoying each other's company. Derek had no intention of rushing anything; everything would be up to her. "I've missed this," she murmured.

"Me too" Derek said kissing the top of her head; and that was has far has he would take it. He made a promise to himself not to push. Derek simply just enjoyed having her back in his arms and he would do whatever it takes to keep her there, preferably for the rest of their lives.

**Please Read and Review**


	43. Chapter 41

**A/N Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, added this to their favourite lists. Some Mer/Der fluff for you all.**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 41**

October 1941

It was lunchtime and Meredith was sitting in the cafeteria having lunch with Lizzie when she suddenly felt that shiver that only ever happened whenever Derek walked into a room. As she looked up from her lunch her eyes landed on Derek who threw her a smile in return but made no attempt to walk over to her. They had agreed to keep the news of their relationship quiet until Meredith was ready and Derek was determined to honour that agreement. She waved over to him as an invitation to join them. He raised his eyebrows in response and she nodded. She loved the fact that they could talk without words.

"Hey Mer," he said with a smile as he came and stood behind her.

"Are you going to sit down Derek?" Meredith asked him. Derek took the seat next to her and as he sat down he gave her a soft kiss on the cheek.

"Derek…this is my friend Lizzie, Liz this is Derek," she said introducing them for the first time. She had to admit that she was a little nervous about the two of them meeting considering how much she had confided in her recently. In such a short space of time Lizzie had become like a sister to her.

"Meredith has told me a lot about you," Derek said to Lizzie as he shook her hand.

"Same here. It is nice to meet you finally," Lizzie said with a slight warning tone in her voice.

"How is it going?" Derek asked as turned and looked at Meredith. It was the first time he had seen her in a couple of days as he didn't have the opportunity to get home and he always seemed to have classes during her free time. He had missed her.

"Fine…I got my first essay today and I am a little out of practice," she admitted to him. It had been two years since she left college in England.

"Well if you need any help you know where I am," he told her placing a kiss on her cheek.

"I know, but how much studying do you think we would get done?" she asked teasing him. Derek grinned back at her before whispering in her ear.

"Not much. You know how I can't keep my hands off you," he said as he gently placed his hand on her thigh just under her skirt. She batted him away as she blushed and ducked her head. Derek knew that they were taking things slowly but he still loved to make her blush.

"Stop it," Meredith whispered, still feeling the effects of his hand on her leg. It made her want to forget that they were taking it slow and jump him right there and then.

"I'm sorry," he said with a smirk. Even though he wasn't feeling sorry as he laced his fingers with her's under the table. Derek looked up and noticed as Mark approached the table and pulled out the chair next to him.

"Meredith, you remember Mark," Derek said making the introductions. "Mark this is Meredith's friend Lizze…no flirting," he added as an afterthought.

"Who me?" Mark asked faking innocence before tucking into his food. Derek shook his head before turning his attention back to his girlfriend.

"Have you got any plans after school?" Derek asked.

"No, I was going to go straight home…Why?" she asked.

"I finish at 4, so I was thinking about taking you out for a date?"

"I will need to check with your mother first; make sure that it is alright for her to look after the girls."

"I have already asked mom for you Meredith. She said she would be happy to help as long as you wanted her too," he told her. "That is of course if you would like to join me? There is no pressure Meredith, but I would like to spend some time with you alone." The last thing he wanted to do was to pressure her but he was desperate for some alone time with her. It felt like forever since they spent any time alone together.

"For what?" Meredith asked him as she looked over to Mark who simply shrugged his shoulders.

"That…my love is a surprise," Derek said with a grin.

"You know I hate…"

"Surprises, I know but I wanted to show you something and I promise to get you home before the girls head to bed," Derek said interrupting her whilst silently pleading with her.

"I guess I could," she told him.

Derek gave her a smile before ducking his head to capture her lips in a brief kiss. It only lasted a second but it was long enough to make her toes curl. As she pulled away Derek rested his forehead against hers.

"You won't regret it! Meet me at the café at 4 o clock," Derek told her before taking a tomato from her plate and striking up a conversation with Mark as Meredith chatted to Lizzie.

Derek placed his arm around her shoulder and he smiled as she rested her head against his shoulder. Despite the two different conversations going on they simply enjoyed being there together.

Meredith was distracted for the rest of the afternoon wondering what the surprise was that Derek had in store for her. Lizzie kept nudging her during their lectures and she was relieved when 3.30 came and her lectures were over for the day and for the week. She said goodbye to Lizzie at the front of the building where her lectures were held and headed over towards the café to meet Derek. She knew that she was early and decided to grab a tea whilst waiting for him. She lifted one of her books from her and started to read whilst she waited.

It was a short time later when Derek stepped through the café door and he quickly scanned the café looking for Meredith. His eyes soon rested on his girlfriend who always took his breath away but even more so now knowing that she gave him another chance when he probably didn't deserve it. She had her head buried in a book and she had never looked so beautiful to him. He walking over to her and came up behind her planting a small kiss on the top of her head causing Meredith to jump slightly and he smiled.

"Hi beautiful, are you ready?" he asked and she nodded. Derek helped her into her coat before placing his hand on the small of her back and guided her out of the café and towards his automobile. Derek opened the passenger door for her and helped her get in.

About an hour later they arrived at their destination, and Meredith didn't know what to think when they pulled up into Central Park. Meredith turned to him to say something and Derek smiled and shook his head. He had no intention of telling her what they were doing until they got there. He quickly placed a kiss on her lips before climbing out of the automobile and coming around to the other side and helping Meredith out.

"I love you," he said, kissing her again. This time a little harder than he had previously dared to. He took her hand and started walking towards the park, with a little light chatter between them.

Stopping at the entrance of the park; Derek turned to Meredith and pulled her close to him, not caring that it was deemed inappropriate in public. He wanted her close by him and he kissed her lightly on the mouth.

"Meredith, I want to tell you how grateful I am too you for giving me another chance. I know I don't deserve it but I love so much and I thought it was about time you deserved a treat so for the next hour we are going to on a carriage ride," he told her with a smile, his eyes sparkling. "I wanted to do this when we first visited New York together but I didn't think it would be appropriate…so Meredith Grey will you do me the honour of joining me this evening?"

Meredith smiled and nodded, knowing that there was nothing she could say. She wasn't quite ready yet to say I love you back.

Derek helped her to board the carriage and then sat down beside her, pulling a blanket over their legs in the chilly October evening. Meredith snuggled into his side has the horse and carriage started moving. Throughout the hour long ride, they spoke quietly at times as they both pointed various landmarks and enjoyed the views around Central Park. They were alone together with no interruptions.

When the ride finished Derek helped Meredith out of carriage. He then thanked the driver before guiding her out of the park and instead of heading toward the automobile, Derek took her in the other direction. Neither of them was ready to go home yet. Despite Derek's assurance that he would get Meredith home before the girls went to bed, both of them knew that they just wanted to be alone together for just a little while longer.

A few minutes later and Derek stopped outside a small restaurant just a block from Central Park, Meredith looked through the window of the restaurant and then looked down at what she was wearing and knew that she was not dressed for a fancy restaurant.

"Derek; I am not dressed for a fancy restaurant," Meredith told him as she pulled on his arm to stop him from entering the premises.

"You look beautiful Meredith," he told her. "The restaurant is not formal, you are dressed just fine," he said as he tighten his grip on her hand and guided her into the restaurant. Upon entering the restaurant Meredith recognised Nancy's husband standing near the entrance.

"Good evening Derek, Meredith your table is ready."

"Thank you," Derek smiled to his brother in law. He was grateful that he agreed to open the restaurant early just for him and Meredith.

The next couple of hours passed quickly. They sat at their table just making small talk. It was only when the restaurant opened its doors to the public that they realised the time and that it was still an hour's drive back to the Shepherd house. They were both quietly disappointed that it was time for Derek to take Meredith home.

"I think it is about time I get you home Mer," Derek said trying to hide how disappointed he was that there time was over. He now regretted that he hadn't thought about packing a bag so he could stay at home rather than travelling back into the city.

"I guess," she said with a tight smile. She didn't want to the evening to end either but knew that it was a long drive back to home and they wouldn't have to say goodnight just yet.

After leaving the restaurant, they walked slowly walk back to the automobile hand in hand. They spent the drive home chatting lightly about either the girls or college. They held hands the entire way and neither of them wanted to say goodnight but they knew they must. Meredith was still not ready to take their relationship to the next stage just yet.

Despite how wonderful Derek had been towards her since they got back together the previous month there was still something holding her back.

**I don't know when the next chapter will be up. I have coursework due in next Friday so this story is going to a back seat this week, and this is part of the reason why this chapter was late plus I struggled a bit with the ending. Please Read and Review :)**


	44. Chapter 42

**A/N I want to firstly apologise about the delay in posting this chapter. I was admitted to hospital two weeks ago for appendicitis and had to have an operation; i have only been able to get back to writing this week.**

**Thank you to those that reviewed, added this story to story alerts and favourite story lists. I am glad that people are still enjoying this story of mine. I am trying to wrap this story up now and estimate around 10 chapters left; not including any epilogues. **

**Enjoy! **

**Chapter 42**

Mid October 1941

Meredith had arrived at Derek's an hour earlier and she was curled into Derek's side has he gently runs his fingers through her hair; since she arrived they had been sat side by side on the couch. Derek could tell that something was bothering from how quiet she was; it wasn't the Meredith he knew but he didn't ask what, he knows that she will tell him when she is ready.

"I want to see my mom" Meredith blurted out suddenly.

"What?" Derek asked, not sure if he was hearing right…he was after all he was in his own world at this point.

"I want to meet Ellis" she told him; pulling away from his embrace.

"Okay…why now?" he asked her; turning to face her directly.

"Why do you ask?" Meredith asked him.

"You haven't mentioned her much since you discovered she was still alive, you haven't really talked about how you feel about it not since you first found out," Derek told her.

"I am not sure how I am supposed to feel; I have spent my life thinking she was dead" she told him; and if she was honest with herself she still didn't know what to think about it all. "I want to know how she could leave me. I only have your mother's word that she loved me," she said, not bothering to hide the tears that fell. Derek gently brushed the tears that fell with his hand and pulled her back into his embrace. Meredith rested her head against his chest as she gently cried; she didn't know where the tears had come from; she thought that she was all cried out over this subject, but here in Derek's arms she could let herself go and admit that maybe she hadn't dealt with this very well.

"What do you remember of your mom, Mer?" Derek asked her gently.

"Not much" she replied.

_flashback_

_Meredith was building a sandcastle…she was proud of it; it was the first one she built on her own. Mommy was going to help her but mommy had a friend…_

"_Mommy look" she called out; looking up to where her mommy was; sitting a little further up the beach with a man who she had never seen before._

"_Nice Meredith" Ellis called back to her._

"_Mommy…" she called again, mommy didn't look at her sandcastle._

"_Not now Meredith" Ellis scolded her._

"_But mommy…"_

"_No Meredith… don't be selfish" Ellis told her continuing to talk to the man; all she wanted to do was show mommy the sand castle that she made._

"Meredith; I will support you in whatever you decide but I don't want you getting hurt anymore" he told her; placing a kiss on top of her head.

"I know but it has been a couple of months since I have found out and all I can think is why did she leave me and I want to hear it from her" she told him; the tears still falling.

"Alright Mer; I suggest we speak to my mom"

"We?" She asked; looking up at him. Derek gave her a smile and placed a chaste kiss to her lips.

"I won't let you do this on your own Meredith. I told you that I would support you and I will no matter what" he told her.

Meredith slammed her lips against his and kissed him harder than she had for months. He had stuck to his promise since they got back together and he was proving himself to her all the time. She tangled her fingers in his curls and she didn't realise but she was straddling him until Derek pulled away.

"Mer; I love you but I suggest you move before anything happens that you will regret" Derek told her; he knew that she could probably feel his erection and a part of him wanted to take her right there and then but she wasn't ready; he needed to cool himself off.

"Mer...please" he said through gritted teeth.

"Sorry" she said, moving away from him.

"No don't be sorry for anything Mer; you aren't ready yet and that is fine. It is my fault" he said kissing her once again before changing the subject. "When do you want to talk to my mom?

"As soon as possible"

"Monday night's Ma will be alone so are you alright to wait until then?" he asked. She nodded, it was only two days and Derek was right best to talk to Carolyn when she was alone.

"Okay...let's start dinner," Derek said, pulling her up and wrapping an arm around her waist and leading her into to the kitchen.

Meredith and Derek decided to go out for dinner before going to speak to Carolyn, Derek knew how nervous she was feeling about talking to Carolyn so he tried to take her mind of it however on the drive home; Meredith was very quiet. Derek grabbed her hand and bought it to his mouth and kissed the back of it.

"Mer, it will be fine" he told her; not taking his eyes of the road.

"What if she won't help us?" Meredith whispered.

"She will, and then the rest is up to Ellis...just relax Meredith," he told her. Meredith nodded! Derek's kept his hands entwined with her; only letting go when he needed to; until they pulled up outside of the house; and Derek turned to Meredith.

"Ready?" he asked her and she responded by climbing out of the automobile, Derek smiled at her before climbing out himself and they walked towards the house hand in hand.

MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD

Carolyn was looking forward to having the house to herself, Chris was out for drinks with clients, Amelia had taken Lexie, Olivia and Molly to their dance class while Meredith was out with Derek. It was rare that the house was empty so Carolyn was determined to enjoy the peace and quiet. She settled down in the study with a glass of wine and a book when she heard the front door opening and someone calling her; and she was surprised to hear it was Derek.

"I am in the study" she called back, wondering why her son was here; she was not expecting them back so early.

"Hey Ma" he greeted her on opening the study door. "I am sorry to disturb you but I was hoping that we could talk to you?" he said, revealing his obvious nervous girlfriend behind him.

"Of course" Carolyn said, placing her book on the table next to her. "Sit down…what can I do for you both?" she asked, watching Meredith closely has they sat down on the seat opposite her.

Meredith was playing with her hands until Derek rested his on top and gently held them still and he whispered in her ear, and she could see Meredith visibly relax in front of her. She was watching the interaction between her son and Meredith very closely; it was the first time she had seen the couple that they had become and it was worrying her a little; especially to what this could be about. She watched as they communicated between themselves and she knew in such a short time that they were closer than ever.

"I have been thinking about my mom" Meredith said finally.

"Yes" Carolyn said; surprised but relieved. She was surprised because Meredith hadn't mentioned Ellis in months.

"Derek…seems to think… that…that you might be able to help me find her" Meredith finally got out.

"Are you sure that this is what you want Meredith?" Carolyn asked her; she would do anything to protect the girl that she had come to see as another daughter.

"Yes, I want to meet her. I have questions for her" she said; sounding confident for the first time since she asked talking to Carolyn.

"Alright" Carolyn said; thinking how she was going to approach this with Ellis.

"Does she know that I am here?" Meredith asked; she wandered if Chris or Carolyn had told her mother since she now knew the truth.

"No she doesn't. All Ellis knows is that you are alive and that you are safe, nothing else; she still thinks that you are in England. I didn't think that you would want her to know" Carolyn told her, with a tight smile.

"Thank you Carolyn," Meredith said, looking back down at her hands.

"So Ma, how is this going to happen?" Derek asked his mother.

"I will arrange a meeting with Ellis, but I don't know when for until I speak to her. I won't tell her about Meredith over the telephone; I will wait until we arrange a meeting. She is going to have a lot of questions; so I don't know if you want me to tell her that you have been staying here with us Meredith?"

"I would rather you didn't. I want to see her on my own terms; I don't want her to turn up here without my knowledge. I still need to think about how I am going to explain this with Lexie and Molly"

"I will talk to her and then we will go from there. I will tell her that I will pass on messages to you to start with. I will let you know when I have spoken to her" Carolyn told Meredith who nodded.

Meredith knew there was nothing more to say about the matter; there was nothing she could do until Carolyn spoke to Ellis, she could relax.

"Thank you Carolyn" Meredith said. Carolyn watched has Meredith and Derek left the study; she had to think about how she was going approach this with Ellis, has it would no doubt come as bit of shock to her. But what was foremost on her mind was Derek's and Meredith's relationship; she needed to talk to her son, there was no doubt in her mind that things had become way more serious than she or Chris had though and it concerned her.


	45. Chapter 43

**A/N For all my readers that are concerned over Carolyn's concerns about Meredith and Derek's relationship; it is not going to cause drama; it is simply because of the time period this story is set in. I am trying to be as realistic as possible with this fic. I will address those issues but not yet. **

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 43**

One week after Meredith's request Carolyn found herself in the city. It had taken her a few days to get in contact with Ellis and once she did they agreed to meet up for lunch today.

"Hello Carolyn," Ellis said greeting her with a quick embrace.

"Ellis, you are looking well!" Carolyn replied as Ellis took a seat. They made small talk for a while, catching up with all the news and gossip. It had been months since they had chance to talk properly and it was good to catch up. Carolyn had thought long and hard about how she was going to tell Ellis but she was still uncertain as to how she was going to approach the subject. It was not easy and she was aware of just how much this was going to hurt Ellis knowing that her daughter was close by and yet so far.

"Ellis, there is a reason why I asked you to meet me here," Carolyn said as she took a deep breath.

"I did wonder why you wanted to meet Carolyn. What is this about?" Ellis asked curiously.

"I have been going other the best way to approach this for the last week but I think I will just tell you. It's about Meredith," she said watching Ellis's reaction closely.

"Is she alright?" Ellis asked she couldn't help but think the worse.

"Meredith is fine, that I can promise you," Carolyn smiled as she tried to assure her. She watched as Ellis release a breath that she didn't realise she was holding. "Meredith is here in New York Ellis; she has been for a while," Carolyn said as she reached out and grabbed her hand in her's across the table.

"What? Where has she been staying?" Ellis asked her. Carolyn didn't want to lie to her anymore but she knew that Meredith didn't want Ellis to know where she was staying.

"I can't tell you."

"What do you mean you can't tell me? Carolyn, she my daughter!" Ellis said raising her voice a little too loudly in that some of the other patron's looked across at their table.

"Meredith asked me not too," Carolyn told her.

"Have you seen her?" Ellis asked and Carolyn had to tell her the truth to some extent.

"I have and she is all grown up."

"She would be nearly nineteen now. What does she look like?" Ellis said.

"She looks a lot like you Ellis, she is beautiful. You will be so proud of her Ellis, she is attending university here and she would like to see you," Carolyn told her.

"I would love to see her," Ellis said.

"Ellis, there is something else that I need to tell you," Carolyn said.

"What?"

"Thatcher had told Meredith that you had died."

"What?" Ellis cried out. She was not in the least bit surprised that Thatcher told their daughter something like that.

"She only discovered recently that you were still alive and not to forget she barely remembers you. You will have to take it easy with her and give her some time," Carolyn said as she knew she needed to protect the girl that if what she suspected was true would be one day be her daughter in law. Deep down Carolyn already saw Meredith as a daughter.

"I can do that, I will do whatever she wants, I just want to see my little girl." Ellis said. For the first time in fifteen years Ellis felt like her life was coming back together. She had no idea what to expect and she knew that Carolyn knew more than she was letting on but right now she just wanted to see her daughter. "When?" she asked Carolyn.

"I told Meredith that I would speak to you first but she wants to do it on her terms Ellis."

"I can understand that, when you speak to her again can you tell her that I do love her and I will meet her whenever she wants too," Ellis asked.

"Of course I will Ellis I owe you that much," _and much more _Carolyn added silently. She knew that one day the truth would come out and Ellis would probably never forgive her.

"I can't believe that I will finally get to see my little girl again there is nothing I regret more than losing her."

"I know Ellis, and you will get to tell her that yourself," Carolyn said noticing the difference in Ellis already in that she appeared much happier. "Are you going to mention anything to Max?" Carolyn asked.

"No, not until I see Meredith," Ellis replied. She didn't want to share her daughter with anyone at least not until she saw her and established a relationship with her. She just prayed that Meredith would accept her back into her life.

Later that evening as Carolyn was cooking dinner she hoped that Meredith would be joining them tonight so that she could talk to her about her meeting with Ellis. She and Derek had been spending a lot of time together lately, so much so that even the girls had noticed that Meredith wasn't around a lot. She heard the front door open and shut.

"Meredith, is that you?" Carolyn called out as she walked out of the kitchen wiping her hands in her apron.

"Hi Carolyn," Meredith smiled in greeting.

"How was school?" she asked.

"Long," Meredith told her. "Are Lexie and Molly home yet?" she asked.

"No…they went to a friend's house after school. Chris is going to pick them up on the way home from work. Come into the kitchen, I need to speak to you Meredith," Carolyn said as Meredith followed her into the kitchen.

"I met Ellis for lunch today," Carolyn said as finished preparing dinner.

"Okay…what did she have to say?" Meredith asked quietly. A part of her was hoping that Ellis didn't want to see her as it would make everything so much easier.

"She said would love to see you Meredith."

"Okay…ummm"

"She also asked me to tell you that she loves you," Carolyn said smiling after all she had promised Ellis that she would tell her. Meredith nodded before sitting down at the table.

"I spoke to Derek about it and he wants to come with me. I don't think I can do it on my own."

"I didn't tell her about Derek," Carolyn said.

"Good, it is none of her business and I still don't want her to know that I am staying here," Meredith told Carolyn she couldn't risk Ellis turning up here after all she needed to protect her sisters.

"It's your choice Meredith. I told her I would let her know when and where you will meet her."

"Can you ask her if she can make it this Saturday? There is a small café near the campus I want to meet her on neutral ground."

"Okay," Carolyn smiled "I will contact her tomorrow."

"One o clock," Meredith said as she stood up and left the kitchen signalling the end of that conversation. Meredith didn't want to think about Ellis anymore, she had some studying to do.

**Next chapter will have the meeting between Ellis and Meredith; which is proving a little difficult to write, because I want to get it perfect. It is almost finished but still have a little work to do on it, hopefully I can get it finished soon. Please Read and Review **


	46. Chapter 44

**A/N Here is the chapter that I think many of you have been waiting for since I introduced Ellis into the story. Over the years I have wrote some difficult chapters on a various different subject but this had to be one of the hardest one's. I don't know what everyone was expecting but I hope you like and remember I am trying to keep this story as realistic as I can. Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter and thanks to those readers who have added this to their story alerts and favourite story lists since the last chapter. I am glad people are still reading and enjoying this story; I am estimating about ten chapters left.**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 44**

It was just after three am when Derek was woken by someone knocking on his door, when he opened the door he was surprised to see Meredith standing there, especially since they had only parted and said goodnight some three hours ago.

Now here they were together with Meredith curled up against him staring into space. He knew that she was terrified about meeting her mother later that day and that was the only reason he could think off for why she had turned up on his doorstep in the middle of the night.

"Mer," Derek said gently as he placed a kiss on the top of her head.

"Yes," she said quietly.

"As much as I love having you in my bed; what are you doing here?" he asked her now she was in a talkative mood.

"I woke up and all I wanted was you," Meredith admitted as she lifted her head up to meet his gaze. Derek smiled at her before kissing her slowly and gently to begin with but soon became more passionate. Derek's free hand quickly found its way into her hair and as he gently pulled on it. She lifted her head a little more to give him easier access and with his other arm that was wrapped around her waist he hoisted her up the bed so she was face to face with him.

"I love you," Derek said before placing kisses down the column of neck until he reached where her neck joined her collarbone. Meredith moaned as he gently sucked there. He smiled as his hand found its way under her top and he gently caressed the skin there. He felt her hands in his curls as he kissed her hard on the mouth and as much as he would love to continue what they were doing he needed to stop. "Mer…" he said breathlessly pulling away from her and resting his forehead against her. "We need to stop," he said whilst gently caressing her cheek with his hand.

"What?" Meredith murmured, she too breathing heavily.

"We need to stop Mer…before I can't."

"Der…I…" Meredith started before Derek interrupted her.

"No Meredith. I want too, I really do… but not yet. I don't want you to do anything you are going to regret and certainly not just to take your mind of meeting your mom later," Derek said chuckling to himself when Meredith couldn't meet his eyes, he knew her all too well.

"I am going to the bathroom, don't go anywhere," Derek said, kissing her quickly before climbing out of the bed, he needed to take care of his not so little problem.

It was almost one o clock in the afternoon and both she and Derek had been at the café for the last thirty minutes. She held on to Derek's hand so tightly that he thought it was going to break. She hadn't even touched the coffee that he had bought for her which had now gone cold. She knew that her so called mother would arrive shortly and she was terrified. Even more terrified than when she made the crossing to America with her sisters all those months ago. A huge part of her wished that she was back in England with her parents and had no concept of the lies that she had been told. Anything would have been bearable compared to how she was feeling right now.

"Meredith… look at me," Derek said gently, lifting her head up with his hand under her chin.

"I'm sorry," she whispered and Derek shook his head.

"No need to be sorry Meredith, I understand this must be scary for you but remember you are not alone," he said with a small smile before gently kissing her. Pulling away, he noticed that Ellis had walked into the café and he whispered to her. "She's here."

Meredith gasped as her heart started to race. She couldn't do this… she couldn't turn around to look at her. Why did she ever think that this would be a good idea? "I can't do this Derek," she whispered.

Derek took her face in his hands and said forcefully "Yes you can Meredith." Derek softened his tone. "You are not alone; I am right here with you. We will just take it one step at a time and if in thirty minutes you still feel like this than we will leave. You will only regret it if you don't try Meredith."

"Derek…Derek Shepherd?" Ellis asked as she approached there table.

"Mrs Campbell-Grey," Derek said as greeted her. Meredith looked at Derek in surprise; she never guessed that Ellis would still carry the name of Grey.

"Meredith," Ellis said; her voice thick with longing. Although Meredith wasn't looking at her Ellis drank in the sight of her daughter who she hadn't seen since she was four years old. She wanted to reach out and pull her daughter into a hug but she knew it wouldn't be welcomed.

"Hello…El…mo…Ellis" Meredith stumbled, unsure what to call her and looking at her properly for the first time. She could vaguely remember her, but the only memory that stuck out in her mind was the day she left and Meredith could still remember calling out for her. She could see a resemblance to the woman standing in front of her as she felt Derek squeeze her hand in support.

"Hello Meredith," Ellis said quietly, gesturing to the chair beside her to which Meredith nodded. As she sat down Ellis didn't take her eyes of her daughter as she drank in the sight of her baby girl. She could see a mixture of both herself and Thatcher in her and she could tell Carolyn was right when she said that Meredith had turned into a beautiful young woman. "You have turned into a beautiful young woman, Meredith,"

"Thank you," Meredith said with a barely noticeable smile. This was so hard; now that this was finally happening she had no idea what to say to her. This was the woman who left her and who for years she had mourned, thinking she her mother had died. Now to see her standing here in front of her, her whole body screamed 'this can't be real'. The four-year-old child in her who still wanted her mommy desperately wanted to run into her arms and never let her go.

"So, how long have you been back in New York?" Ellis asked her understanding just how difficult and scary this must be for her.

"I have been here for a year and half now," Meredith told her.

"Is Thatcher here too?" Ellis asked knowing that there was no way that he would let Meredith see her, especially if what Carolyn told her was the truth.

"Daddy died in an air raid last year," Meredith told her, squeezing her eyes shut to stop the tears. She felt Derek let go of her hand and wrap an arm around her waist. He gently whispered 'it's okay,' in her ear. The act didn't go unnoticed by Ellis who suddenly had a lot of questions about Meredith's relationship with her friend's son but knew this wasn't the time and Meredith wouldn't appreciate her interference.

"Meredith, I am so sorry," Ellis said, genuinely sorry about Thatcher. No matter what her personal feelings were towards him he was still Meredith's father.

"You didn't know, thank you, it's just been difficult," Meredith explained as she opened her eyes and looked at her mother.

"I have so many questions I want to ask you," Ellis said to Meredith.

"And you think I don't," Meredith bit back. Derek whispered in her ear before Meredith apologised "I'm sorry, this is so hard. I don't know what I want to say to you," Meredith admitted to her.

"I can understand that Meredith, it isn't easy for me either. I want to know everything about you but how about we start with your childhood?" Ellis said.

Meredith was relieved that she didn't ask anything about her parents. She proceeded to tell Ellis about growing up in London and the summers spent down in Cornwall. She left out Susan and her sisters, that part she wasn't ready to share with her yet. Meredith couldn't stand the small talk anymore realising that there was one reason why she wanted to meet Ellis.

"Why did you leave?" Meredith said suddenly, finally asking the question she had wanted to ask since she had discovered the truth.

"Meredith; I want to begin by saying how sorry I am for leaving you, it was never my intention. I wanted to take you with me," Ellis told her. She needed Meredith to know that she had never wanted to leave her and that she tried to fight for her.

"Then, why didn't you? Why did you leave me?" Meredith repeated trying her hardest to blink the tears away. The last thing she wanted was for Ellis to see her cry.

"I don't know how much you remember Meredith, but that day your father threw me out of the house and out of our marriage is forever etched in my brain. I tried to go back for you but he wouldn't let me see you and because of what I did and the fact that I had no money; no court would give you too me. Then before I knew it; your father had moved you to England."

"You could have tried harder, I am supposed to be your daughter."

"It wasn't that simple Meredith; hearing you scream for me broke my heart, God knows I wasn't the best mother or the mother you deserved Meredith. I was too selfish, but loosing you made me realise that you were the best thing that ever happened to me. And for that I am so sorry Meredith," Ellis said. She could finally be honest with her daughter and she desperately wanted her daughter back in her life. As much as she loved her step son and daughter they were not her daughter.

"Why would Daddy tell me that you died?" Meredith asked her.

Ellis hesitated, not sure whether to tell Meredith the truth but decided that she needed to be honest with her. "I had an affair Meredith."

"Oh," Meredith said quietly as she looked at Derek, who smiled at her. Derek had decided to be quietly supportive throughout this meeting and to be there for her if and when she needed it.

"I made a mistake and I paid for it Meredith. I am not proud of it," Ellis said to her.

"I'm sorry but I can't do this," Meredith blurted out as she stood up quickly and ran out of the café. Derek stood up to follow her but Ellis caught his arm.

"Derek, please tell my daughter that I love her, and that when she is ready I will be waiting for her," Ellis said as Derek nodded before following Meredith out onto the street.

Derek found his wayward girlfriend sitting by his automobile. Her arms were wrapped around her legs and as he approached her he could her sobbing. He sat down beside her and wrapped an arm around her as she rested her head on his shoulder. Derek didn't know how long they stayed there like that until Meredith lifted her head of his shoulder and gave him a small smile.

"Hey."

"I'm sorry,"

"It is not me you need to apologise too."

"I know. It was so hard. I had no idea what to say to her. It felt like I was talking to a complete stranger and not someone who is my mother."

"I know Mer. Let's get you home," Derek said as he helped her off the ground and into the car. Once Derek helped her into the passenger seat and got into the car Meredith scooted over to him and rested her head once again on his shoulder.

"I am not ready to go home yet can we go back to your apartment?" Meredith asked. She couldn't face all the questions that she knew Carolyn would ask her right now and all she wanted, all she needed was Derek. For the first time since they had gotten back together she knew that Derek wouldn't hurt her again and that she could finally fully trust him.

"Whatever you want Meredith," Derek said placing a kiss to the top of her head before heading home.


	47. Chapter 45

**A/N Sorry this has taken so long to update, since I have been back at work; i have been so busy. Plus this chapter was a nightmare to write; we all know how much I dislike writing smutty chapters. Here is 8 pages of fluff and smut.**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 45**

Upon entering the apartment, Derek guided Meredith over to the couch. Once sitting her down, he went into the kitchen to get them a drink when he noticed a note from Mark stating that he wouldn't be home that evening. Derek was relieved because he knew that if Mark was around, Meredith would have avoided the situation completely. One thing she hated was to appear weak in front of other people and no matter how many times he told her that she was not weak, she wouldn't believe him. Now, in that moment he knew Meredith needed to be able to express how she felt.

"I am going to draw you a bath Meredith," he told her quietly as he placed a glass of white wine in front of her.

Meredith nodded before picking up the glass and taking a long sip of the wine once Derek had left the room. Her mind kept going over the events of that afternoon and she couldn't believe that she had run out of their meeting. It was the one thing she promised herself that she would not do but the whole situation just became too much for her. A huge part of her was still struggling with the fact that her mother was still alive never mind the fact that she left her all of all those years ago because of some man.

Once the bath was prepared, Derek guided Meredith into the bathroom where a steaming hot bath awaited her.

"I will leave you to relax Meredith," Derek said as he placed a kiss on her forehead. He turned away to leave when Meredith grabbed his hand.

"Please don't leave me," Meredith asked in a tone that almost broke his heart.

"I am not going anywhere Meredith," Derek said as he guided her over to the stool beside the bath and sat her down.

He could tell that Meredith was still in a state of shock over the day's events, so he took a deep breath as he helped her get undressed. It had been months since he had seen her naked and he couldn't help his instant reaction to her nakedness and he prayed that she didn't notice his erection as he helped her into the bath. He gave her another kiss on the forehead and whispered to her to 'relax' as she laid back and closed her eyes.

"Join me," Meredith muttered so quietly that he almost didn't hear her.

"Mer?"

"Please Derek?" she begged as her eyes met his for the first time since she ran out of that café.

"Are you sure? Because I don't want you to do anything you will regret," Derek asked her gently.

"Yes…I want you to join me Derek," she told him forcefully leaving no doubt that it was what she wanted. He silently nodded his head in approval.

Derek removed his clothes; trying to hide his erection; he didn't want her to feel pressured in anyway. Meredith sat forward so that he could sit behind her; and once he had settled in, she laid back so that she was resting against his chest; she had no idea until this moment how much she had missed this. His erection poked into her back but it felt good.

"I've missed this," she told him; entwining their hands; that rested over her abdomen.

"Me too" he told her; giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you Derek" she said.

"For what?" he asked.

"For being so supportive, for being there for me today. You have no idea how much I appreciate it"

"I will always be there for you," he whispered with a small smile before taking her earlobe in his month and gently sucking on it.

He could feel her reaction as she shivered against him. He smiled to himself as he gently massaged the spot that turned her on with his tongue. Meredith moaned quietly in appreciation as his right hand slowly and gently worked her nipple, teasing her with his thumb, she bite down a moan as she felt the sensation down into her womb. Derek then placed his other hand on the inside of her thigh and slowly caressed it. Meredith felt the sensation shoot into her womb and she couldn't keep her feelings back any longer. She had been fighting to tell Derek since they got back together and after his support over the past couple of weeks now was the perfect time to tell him.

Looking directly at Derek she smiled softly "I love you," she whispered. Derek paused his assault on her body and met her eyes. He smiled, not the smile he had offered her over the past two months but a full smile; one that met his eyes. Meredith realised in that moment how much she missed his smile and how gorgeous he looked when he smiled like that to her. She had once referred to it as his 'Mcdreamy' smile not long after they first met over a year ago.

He kissed her hard on the mouth, his tongue gently running over her lips and taking full advantage when she parted them. His tongue delved in her month as if he was starved from her kisses. Meredith deepened the kiss as she turned in his arms and her hands quickly wound in his curls. Derek placed his hands under her knees and turned her until she was in a straddling position so her core was above his erection.

"I love you too," he told her kissing her again with even more passion than before. Derek's hands rested on her waist as he took a nipple into his mouth and leisurely traced her areola with his tongue before sucking on it. The action caused Meredith's hips to move so that his cock brushed over her clit and she moaned.

"I want you," Meredith murmured against his ear as he grabbed her face until her lips met his and kissed her hard.

"We should get out of the bath, Meredith," Derek suggested breathlessly. Meredith quickly tried to move away but the bath was too small. Derek knew that Meredith took it as a sign of rejection so he rested his hand on her hip. "Stop" he told her.

"What?" Meredith snapped.

"I am not turning you down Meredith but we need to move to somewhere more comfortable and maybe a little warmer," he told her and it wasn't until then that she realised that the bath water was beginning to cool.

"I'm sorry."

"Stand-up," Derek asked smiling softly.

Derek climbed out of the bath first and assisted her. His eyes never leaving her naked form especially as the wet droplets started to glide down from her navel into her pussy where his tongue to feast. She had no idea how gorgeous, sexy and beautiful she looked standing there naked in front of him.

"You are so beautiful," Derek said as he kissed her hard on the mouth.

Meredith melted against him has she completely gave into the kiss whilst Derek ran his hands over her shoulders and down her back before resting his hands on her buttocks. Without warning, he gripped the back of her legs and lifted her into his arms as Meredith's legs automatically wrapped around his waist as her arms wound around his neck and she held on.

Derek carried Meredith into his bedroom, his lips never left her's until his knees hit the bed and he gently laid her down onto his bed. He could never get enough of her body and he felt his cock twitch. He wanted to bury it inside of her but he wanted tonight to last. After lying her on the bed, his hands moved up her body until they rested on her breasts his thumb teasing her nipples.

"I love you," Derek told her spreading her legs before starting to nip the inside of her thigh with his teeth. He had to go gently they had never done oral before and Derek knew asking Meredith to do the same would be out of the question. As Derek's got closer to her vagina he could feel Meredith start to tense and he pulled himself up so that he could kiss her on the mouth.

"Relax," Derek told her breaking the kiss.

"Please…don't," Meredith moaned sounding uncomfortable.

"Don't what?" Derek asked. He knew what she meant but he needed her to know that she was in control.

"Not there…its dirty," she whispered, embarrassed about how wet she was. Normally she could hide it but if he went there, he would be able to smell her and she didn't want him to think she was dirty. They had made love before but they had never done this.

"You are not dirty," Derek said before kissing her hard, but still wanting to taste her. "I want to taste you Meredith, have your scent on my tongue but only if you let me," he told her trying his hardest to stay in control.

No matter how desperately he wanted to push his cock into her he still wanted to show her how good they were together. Meredith frowned before nodding her permission. Derek smiled before kissing her hard and began a soft trail of kisses down over her nipples, over her breast and down onto her stomach. He nipped and sucked here and there until he reached the apex of her thighs.

Meredith tightened her legs together despite giving him permission she still felt uncomfortable with the notion of what he would be doing. Derek softly pulled her legs apart and his tongue went straight to her vagina. He began to lick around her vagina until her legs began to relax against his shoulders. Separating her lips his tongue slowly caressed her clitoris and he heard her moan and he smiled against her clit. He placed his fingers inside of her, thrusting them in and out as she moved under his ministrations. She gently called out his name as he replaced his fingers with his tongue and he licked and sucked on her clit until he could feel her come apart as she tightened her thighs around his head.

"OooooooH…Deeereeeek," Meredith called out as she felt the familiar sensation of climaxing.

Derek stilled his tongue as she came and he licked her head, he had missed the taste of her. Letting her come down from her high he pulled himself up so he was face to face with her.

Meredith opened her eyes to find Derek gazing at her with a huge smile on his face. He leant down and kissed her, lazily at first but it quickly became more heated. Derek's tongue stroked her's and her hand wound in his curls as she pushed her body into his touching every part of their body. Meredith could feel Derek's hand roam over her hips and she could feel the fire that was igniting inside of her.

"I love you," Derek told her pulling away from her slightly; his mouth was still hovering over hers. "You are even more beautiful than I remembered," he said, as he kissed her hard again and pushed his throbbing erection into her.

He took it slow, letting her adjust to his size. Even though it had only been a few months since he was last inside of her, for both of them this was what they had both been missing. When he was fully sheathed inside of her and their pelvis were touching, he began to nibble on her collarbone as softly began to thrust. Keeping tight control, he could feel her slick walls against his cock. He had to make sure that he didn't come before he applied a condom, he had no intention of getting her pregnant well not yet anyway...

"Derek," Meredith moaned as he took a nipple into his mouth and he gently groaned against it has he pulled out of her at the familiar tightening of his balls.

He placed his fingers were his cock was just moments before, still sucking her nipple. His fingers continued thrusting just has his cock had done. Meredith moaned again and it was almost his undoing. Pulling his fingers out he reached over for the condom and put it on before pushing his cock back inside of her. He thrusted hard and he knew it wouldn't be too long before he came so he placed one hand on her clit and rubbed the bundle of nerves pushing her along has her walls tightened around him. He pressed his thumb harder against her clit has she climaxed and she screamed his name with him right behind her.

"Deeeeeeeer"

"Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer." He thrusted in one more time before he gently collapsed on top of her with his arms resting either side of her body keeping most of his weight off her, his head buried in the crook of her neck. Meredith wrapped her legs around his and as her hands ran down his back sweaty from their lovemaking and she whispered into his ear.

"I love you too."

Derek lifted his head and looked at her. The flush that spread along her cheek and the way she looked positively glowing he had never loved her more than he did in that moment. No matter how many times she said it he would never tire of hearing those words from her. Rolling off her; he pulled her into his arms with her head resting on his chest and that was how they stayed until they both fell asleep in each other arms.

**Please Read and Review **


	48. Chapter 46

**A/N A little more smut and fluff. Meredith finally opens up to Derek. This chapter has not been proof; so any mistakes are my own. Rated MA; a cold shower might be required lol.**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 46**

Later that afternoon; Meredith woke to Derek gently drawing circles on her thigh; she was curled into him with her head resting on his chest; their legs intertwined. She kept still not wanting to alert Derek that she was awake; she wanted to enjoyed the intimacy, she had missed it and that to her was important than anything.

"Mer" Derek said gently; placing a kiss on the top of her head; he knew the moment she woke up through the change in her breathing. His hand stalled on her thigh; he was concerned that she might regret what had happened; has she been so quiet. "You alright?" he asked

"Very" she said; raising her head to look at him and kissed him; causing Derek to relax considerably.

Meredith pushed her tongue past his slightly parted lips and caressed his tongue with hers. Derek moaned into her mouth; has his hand rested on her buttocks; grinding her into his erection has he rolled her on top. Meredith froze; has she felt his erection poke into her leg; she still felt a little nervous when it came to making love and she wasn't ready to take charge.

"I can't" she said.

Derek smiled and ran his fingers through her hair before rolling them over again so Meredith was laid beside him.

Meredith snuggled into his side; resting her head in the crook of his neck; turning his head he rested his chin on top of her head. He had missed this part of their relationship; just getting to hold her in his arms. His fingers drew circles on the bare skin of her back. He could stay like this for the rest of the day and night but he knew that his parents would be worried if he didn't get her home soon.

"I am going to have to get you home soon. Ma is going to wonder where you are, since you sneaked out so early this morning," he said to her.

Meredith knew that he was right but she wanted to stay right there where she felt safe; where she could forget everything for just a while; she just wanted to forget everything. "I know I should worry about the girls but lately I think that they wouldn't noticed if I wasn't there" she admitted to him; she was tired of hiding how she felt; she felt that they didn't need her anymore; in a way she missed the early days when they relied on her.

"You know that is not true; those girls adore you Meredith but they have adapted to life here in America. You have lived here for 18 months Meredith; maybe it is time you accept that you are living here for the long term" Derek said; he stilled hoped that she would stay after the war in Europe had ended. "You have no idea Meredith; how much you are loved and that includes your mom" he said, silently adding _"and me" _he knew that all the revelations of the past few months had knocked her confidence but he never realised how much and he knew that he hadn't helped. But he would do whatever it took to help her regain it.

"I don't want to talk about her," she said, going to turning away from him but Derek wouldn't let her.

"No Meredith I will not let you avoid this anymore, you need to deal with this," he told; knowing that if he let her; she would run from it and never deal with it.

"Why? She basically told me I wasn't good enough" she snapped at him; trying again to get out of his hold but he held her close.

"That is not true Meredith; you didn't see the longing and love on her face when she first saw you. I have known your mother since I was a child. You don't remember but I remember you as a child before your father moved you to England. I remember how much you adored her when you were a little girl. I don't think Ellis knows how to show love but she does love you and I think deep down you still love her, the same way you did back then" Derek said to her, Meredith placed her hand between them and pushed on his chest; he let her go; trusting her not to run.

"She left me, I was not enough for her and I will be not be enough for you" Meredith said; burying her hand in her hands when she realised what she said. She never wanted Derek to know that. Derek sat up beside her and grabbed her chin; forcing her to look up at him.

"Don't you dare; I never want to hear you say those words again Meredith; you are more than enough. I love you so much that I cannot imagine my life without you. I screwed up remember that; not you. Your father chose to keep the truth from you; not because he didn't love you but so that you did not feel like this. I think you need to forgive him before you can build any type of relationship with Ellis," Derek told her; forcibly. He needed her to know that she meant a lot to many different people.

"She is my mom; how could she leave me? She left me for a man!" Meredith said. "I could not imagine leaving my sisters and they are not even my children; she is supposed to love me; supposed to protect me" she said, not bothering to wipe the tears that fell. Derek pulled her into his lap and wrapped his arms around her. Meredith relaxed against him and he began to nuzzle her neck.

"You need to explain to her how you feel Meredith…I know a huge part of you is fighting what you really want. You need to let it go Meredith. You have a chance here to have a parent in the here and now and however much you deny it; I think that is what you need" he said.

"No I don't" she said stubbornly, causing Derek to chuckle. "What?" she said; annoyingly.

"Because you still think you can lie to me Meredith, give Ellis a chance and it might surprise you. All I am asking is that you try" Derek said to her; he wasn't beyond begging her. He would admit to himself that a part of him was being selfish; he wanted her to have just more than him to link here in the US; so that she would stay.

"I will try," she said. Derek kissed her neck and gently sucked on the skin there.

His fingers teased her nipple whilst his other hand; rested in between her legs and pushed them apart. Meredith separated them and his fingers found her clit and gently began to massage her clit; moaning; she moved her head to the side; giving Derek better access to her neck. Derek could feel her juices coat his thumb has he continued to rub her clit whilst his middle fingers pushed inside of her. Meredith tensed at first at the intrusion but soon relaxed her vaginal muscles and he added another finger; pushing them in and out of her. Meredith moaned a little louder has she started to feel the familiar coil in her abdomen. Derek took her earlobe into his mouth; slowly massaging it with his tongue; has his fingers continued to stroke her.

"Deeeeer" she called out; has her body began to tremble.

"Cum for me" he whispered in her ear; before biting down on her lobe.

"Please…more" she begged, needing more pressure for release. Derek pushed his fingers in deeper and moved them until he felt her walls tighten around them; and tweaking a nipple with his other hand; Meredith climaxed.

"Deeeeereeeeeeeeek"

Meredith collapsed against his chest; stilling his fingers; she trembled against him; panting hard. Derek watched her pulling out his fingers has she started to come down from her high.

"I love you," he murmured; before he wrapped his hand around her hair and pulling on it so her head lifted and turned towards him and he kissed her on the mouth; a slow, loving kiss. "Lie down" he told her before giving her another quick peck on the mouth.

Meredith complied; laying down beside her; he rewrapped his arms around her and spooned her from behind; holding her tightly. He nuzzled the back of her neck and closing his eyes he relished holding her in his arms, especially not knowing he would be able to do this again; he felt so contented when he could hold her like this.

Meredith closed her eyes; enjoying the warmth that Derek radiated; she didn't want to go back to the house; it was here in his arms that she felt the safest and she really didn't want to face all the questions that Carolyn would have. Turning Derek's arms and placing a leg over his; she ran her hand over his shoulder blades and down his back; to his buttock; whilst studying his features. Meredith had never seen him look so relaxed; and she gently pressed her lips to his and kissed him.

She knew that he was letting her take control this time; she deepened the kiss and moaned into his mouth. his hands rested on her buttocks and she bucked her hips against his building erection. Removing her hand from his buttocks; she gently wrapped her hand around the base of his penis and slowly but unsurely she began to move her hand up and down his shaft; when Derek moaned and gently began to thrust in her hand; she tightened her grip and stroked him harder.

"Fuck Mer…that feels so good" he murmured.

"I love you," she told him; never knowing why she had been afraid to say those words to him.

"I love you too" he said; kissing her again and a little more quickly he bucked his pelvis; he knew that she had never done this before but it felt good. "God…Mer. I need to be inside you," he told her. Meredith smiled at him; coyly and releasing her hold on his penis.

Derek flipped them over and Meredith parted her legs; his erection resting that the apex of her thighs. He reached over for the condom on the bedside cabinet and quickly rolled it on before pushing into her. She always felt so good around his cock; and he pushed in fully for the first time so they were pelvis to pelvis and Meredith wrapped her legs around his waist; has Derek gently thrusted in and out; trying to make this last as long as possible for the both of them.

Meredith's fingers found their way into his curls and held on tight has she bucked her hips to meet him thrust for thrust; she felt so full and Derek flick a nipple with his tongue and she felt it into her core.

"Ooooooh" she moaned. Derek released her nipple and pulled himself up to her so they were face to face.

"So good" he told her; kissing her hard on the mouth; his tongue exploring the crevice of her mouth before kissing over her cheek and down to her neck; he resting his head in the crook of her neck; has he quickened his thrusts; knowing he wouldn't last much longer. He kissed her again; then moved so that he was sitting up with his cock still embedded inside of her; grabbing her legs; he pulled her closer to him so her buttocks was off the bed and he thrusted into her; causing her to scream slightly.

"OOOOOh"

"Cum for me; Mer" he said; placing his thumb in between their bodies than massaging her clit; and she was still so sensitive from before that she screamed his name has she climaxed.

"DEEEEEEEEEEEEEER"

Derek was ready to blow; relaxing her legs so that they were either side of him and resting his elbows on either side on her he thrusted into her hard, once than twice and on the third thrust he came hard.

"MEEEEEEEEEEEEER" he called out; he covered her body with his own; using his arms to keep most of his weight off her; so not to crush her. He was still twitching inside of her; and he was not ready to pull out of her just yet. "You alright?" he asked her; knowing that she had to be sore.

"I am good" she told him; giving him a smile and gently kissing him. Derek slowly kissed her back; just taking his time; making the most of it. Has he pulled away from her mouth; he pulled out of her and removed the condom. He laid down beside her; entwining their fingers; he kissed the back of her hand.

Meredith looked over at the clock and saw that it was getting late; she knew that their time together was ending; she needed to get home. Derek smiled at her sadly; she knew he realised it too; responding to his kiss; she clung to him. When he pulled away, she knew that it was it; until the next time which she hoped would be soon.

"I am going to run you another bath," he told her; and she nodded. Meredith watched him; has he walked across the room naked; she wanted to wake up to him every day; after all the hurt; she finally completely trusted him and she knew that she would never be able to leave him.

**The next chapter will be thanksgiving in the Shepherd household and we are getting closer to the end. I want to thank everyone for sticking by the fic; despite how long it is taking to complete it.**

**Please Read and Review. **


	49. Chapter 47

**A/N This chapter is going to be in two parts; originally, I was going to do it in one but I think the beginning of this chapter deserves to be a chapter all alone.**

**Chapter 47- Thanksgiving Pt 1**

November 1941

Derek had only been in the house for ten minutes when his mother had cornered him and had insisted on speaking with him privately in his father's study. He had no idea what was so urgent but he hoped that it was quick. Thanksgiving was insane is the Shepherd household and he wanted to spend time alone with his girlfriend before it all started.

"What did you want to talk about, Ma?" Derek asked after her. He had followed her into the room and was met with silence. It was Thanksgiving and all he wanted to do was hold his girlfriend.

Carolyn stopped pacing around the study and looked at Derek. "It's about Meredith." Derek instantly leapt to his feet.

"Is she alright?" he asked sounding concerned for her wellbeing. Carolyn could not help but smile at her son's concern and was quick to reassure him.

"Meredith is fine Derek," Carolyn replied as she watched his reaction closely and noticed as he relaxed considerably before sitting back in the oversized chair that he had suddenly vacated just moments before. "I have noticed that you and Meredith seemed to have gotten much closer recently," she said.

"Ma," Derek interrupted but one glare from Carolyn quickly silenced him.

"No let me finish please Derek. I am thrilled that you have both decided to get back together again but I cannot help but be worried about how fast it all seems to be moving and I don't want to see either of you get hurt."

"It is different this time Ma, I promise. I know that I have screwed up more than once but I don't intend to hurt her again. Meredith means the world too me. It has taken losing her again to make me realise how much I need her. I will be asking her to marry me and not just because I feel like it is the next step…" He said referring to his previous engagement to Isabelle "but because I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I love her Ma."

"Don't you think that it is going too fast, Derek? You and Meredith have only been together for a few months."

"I didn't say I was going to ask her now, I agree that it is way too soon but I know what I want and that is Meredith by my side for the rest of my life." he said with conviction.

"Please don't hurt her again. I know you are my son but she is like a daughter to me…" Carolyn said. "And I know that you are sleeping together." she added. Derek sat there looking at her with his mouth wide open and had no idea how to respond to that.

"That is our choice, Carolyn."

They both looked at each other as the heard Meredith. They both looked up and saw her standing in the doorway.

Meredith POV

Meredith had woken early despite her hopes to sleep in and trying to make the most of the four-day holiday from university. She had never celebrated Thanksgiving back in England and she had no recollection of celebrating Thanksgiving as a child either. Lexie and Molly had loved it the previous year but she was still acclimatising at the time. She realised that this year she had a lot more to be thankful for. She had lost her parents in the last year but she had also gained a lot more.

She had always intended on returning to England once the war was over but that desire had lessened over the past couple of months. A part of that was because of how much happier her sisters were here than when they were living at home in England. She had no desire to uproot them again and if she was honest with herself, the Shepherds were now like family to her and the girls and off course there was Derek.

She had never believed in love or the thought that she would fall in love. Despite all the hurt and heartache of the past eighteen months she wouldn't change any of it. It had made them stronger as a couple and she trusted Derek completely and although she hadn't told him yet she had forgiven him for everything that had happened. Deep down she knew that Derek wasn't completely at fault that she had her own part to play in it too.

Derek had been her rock since meeting with Ellis and although his silence had hurt her she understood why he kept her mother a secret from her. He was right when he said that she needed to forgive Ellis and that was something she working on. She had now met a second time with Ellis and the meeting had gone well, but she was still wary of her mother and the hurt that she wasn't enough for her.

Meredith heard the car pull up and she instantly knew that it was Derek. He had promised her that he would try and get here early so that they could spend some time together before the whole of the Shepherd clan descended to the house for dinner. She pulled on her robe and decided to wait for him here rather than head downstairs. After waiting for ten minutes she began to wonder where he was. She had definitely heard him enter the house and decided to go downstairs and find him.

Once downstairs she thought that no-one else was up, noticed the time on the grandfather clock that was not a surprise considering it was 6:30am and that it was a holiday. That was until she heard the muffled voices coming from Chris's study and she guessed that was where Derek had disappeared too. The last thing she wanted to do was eavesdrop but she heard being mentioned as approached the study.

"…Meredith by my side for the rest of my life," Meredith heard Derek tell his mother.

"I hope so she is like a daughter to me…" Carolyn said. Meredith gasped silently, she knew that Carolyn cared for her but did not realise just how much. Meredith pushed open the door to the study. "And I know that you are sleeping together."

"That is our choice Carolyn" Meredith said as she paused in the doorway. Her gaze passed between Carolyn and Derek who looked as dumbfounded as she was. She did not want anyone to find out but she wouldn't hide it either.

"Mer…" Derek said pulling himself out of his shock.

"Meredith…I promise your father that I would look out for you," Carolyn tried to explain.

"I know but I am nineteen years old. I am fully aware of what I…we…" she said looking at Derek and smiling slightly. "…Are doing. This is our choice," she said as she walked over to Derek and took his hand intertwining her fingers with his. Derek leant over and kissed her softly on the cheek. No words were exchanged but she knew he was proud of her.

"It is your choice but I don't want any of that in my house and I expect Meredith home every night," Carolyn told them both even though Meredith had no intention of leaving the girls overnight.

"I am not going to leave the girls all night," Meredith clarified.

"Is that everything Ma?" Derek asked as he turned and faced his mother.

"Yes, but I am trusting you both so please do not let me down," Carolyn said as she left them alone in the study. Derek pulled Meredith into his arms and pressed his lips against hers. After a short kiss; he pulled away.

"I missed you."

"I missed you too" Meredith admitted shyly. Derek smiled and kissed her again before pulling her out of the study.

**Just a warning; I haven't even started writing the second half of this chapter yet; so I don't know when it will be posted. Fingers crossed I can find some time to do some writing this week.**


	50. Author's Note

**Author's Note**

I want to apologise for how long it has been since I last updated. I have been stuck with terrible writers block on this next chapter of Insatiable and at the moment I can't seem to get it finished. I am hoping that with sometime off work towards the end of next week it will allow me to finish this chapter and get it posted as soon as possible. Thank you for your patience.

Kelly


	51. Chapter 58

**A/N**

**I am sorry that this has taken months to post another chapter, I have really struggled with writers block and I am finding it hard to get inspiration to write. I am hoping that the next chapter will not take so long to write, and we are coming to the end of this fic, roughly about 5/6 chapters left.**

**Chapter 48**

Thanksgiving Pt 2

After Carolyn's talk; they left the study and without thinking, they headed out to the porch. Although Carolyn's words were still running around their heads, they never had any intention to do anything in his parents' house. Meredith sat on the swinging seat, whilst Derek wrapped the blanket around her legs that he grabbed on the way out; he leant down; kissed her gently on the mouth.

"Stay here…I will get you a cup of coffee," he said, Meredith nodded and she watched has Derek headed back into the house.

She reflected back what had happened only ten minutes before and she couldn't believe what she had said to Carolyn. Meredith knew that she had to stand up for her relationship with Derek and it was the right time. She was ready for things to change and she needed him. She never noticed Derek coming back out on to the porch; until he sat down beside her causing her to jump.

"Meredith" he said.

"Sorry" she said, taking the cup of coffee that he held out to her, she wrapped her hands around the steaming cup.

"Thank you" she said as Derek wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer.

"I should be thanking you," he said; placing a small kiss to the side of her head.

"For what?" she asked, burying herself into Derek's warmth; has she took a sip of her coffee.

"For sticking up for us" Derek said; Meredith raised her head to look up at him.

"It's about time don't you think..." she said, grasping his hand that hung over her shoulder and entwining their fingers.

"Mer..." he murmured. "…I love you"

"I love you too," she said, leaning in to him and gently pressed her lips against his.

"I am never going to get tired of hearing that" he said against her mouth.

Pulling away Meredith rested her head against his chest. They stayed like that; looking out over the grounds; in silence; until Meredith broke the peace.

"I am taking the girls out later to see the parade. Would you like to join us?" she asked him; hoping that he would say yes.

"Are you sure? I know how important your time with the girls is to you," Derek said.

Whilst that was true, she knew that she needed to include him in her life more especially her life with Lexie and Molly if she intended on this relationship working. In effect, she was the closest thing to a parent that the girls had and they had to get use to Derek being in her life; she had left too much of the responsibility of the girls to Carolyn lately and it was about time is integrated both aspects of her life. She put her coffee cup down and turned to Derek.

"You are important to me too," she said, making it clear to him that she meant it. Derek is sporting a huge smile; despite her sticking up for their relationship to his mother; he was never quite sure where he stood with her. He never expected to be more important than the girls were and he would never ask to be but it was nice to hear that Meredith considered him an important part of her life.

"Thank you" he said, placing one arm around her waist and the other after disposing of his coffee underneath her thighs and lifted her so she was on his lap.

His tongue pushed passed her slightly parted lips and his tongue explored the crevice of her mouth before she entangled his tongue with her; they both gently moaned has their tongues duelled. Meredith let him take control of the kiss and being sat on his lap; she could feel his growing erection pressing against her buttocks; has his tongue swept across the top of her mouth; she moaned. Shifting in his lap; trying to regain control of the situation; Meredith pulled away from him. She needed air and breathing heavily; she pressed her forehead against his. As they both tried to regain control, Meredith shifted to move off him but Derek held her in place.

"I don't think you should move Meredith, otherwise everyone will see how I feel about you," he told her; his index finger tracing a circle on her thigh.

"I suggest you remove your hand then before I jump you right here," she said quietly. He pulled his hand away before giving her a full grin; causing Meredith to shake her head at him. She climbed off his lap and snuggled into his side; ensuring that the blanket covered them.

Later that afternoon, Meredith, Derek, Lexie and Molly all returned to the house in high spirits; they had spent the day in the city and the girls loved the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade. As soon as Derek pulled up outside the house; the girls jumped out of the automobile and ran into the house, leaving Meredith and Derek alone. Derek knowing this would be the last moment he would get alone with her for the rest of the day and pulled her gently towards him; and placed a quick but firm kiss on her mouth, before he pulled away and grinned at her.

"I have had fun today," he told her; running his fingers through her hair.

"Me too" she told him; she said kissing him again.

"Are you ready?" he asked her; referring to the insanity of the Shepherd household on holidays like this.

"Do I have a choice?" she asked; causing Derek to laugh.

He squeezed her hand; before climbing out of the automobile; they held hands has they walked into the house, to the sound of yelling coming from the lounge; followed by the sound of the wireless, Derek guessed they were all listening to the football match.

"Meri" Molly called out; running out from the kitchen over to her sister and grabbed her hand. "Meri…Carolyn wants you," she said, tugging her hand and pulling her away from Derek. Derek knew that he was banished from the kitchen; so he joined his father and brothers-in-laws for the rest of the game.

Meredith helped Carolyn, Kathleen, Nancy, and Amelia in the kitchen after Molly dragged her away from Derek. Carolyn shooed Lexie and Molly out of the kitchen to join the rest of the children down in the playroom, before she quickly roped Meredith into helping to setting up the table; not asking to her to help with cooking like the rest of the women because they had attempted that before and it wasn't very successful and they both agreed not to try again.

**Please Read and Review :)**


	52. Chapter 49

**A/N Thank you for your reviews and author/fav alerts. I am sorry about the wait and the cliffy at the end.**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 49**

**Dec 8th 1941- Pearl Harbour.**

"_**Yesterday, December 7, 1941 -**__**a date which will live in infamy - the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan"**_

The events of the past day could only be described as emotional... the shock; anger; fear; disbelief; and grief. Ever since the first news reports of the attack the day before, the Shepherd household had been full. Derek and Mark were the first to arrive just minutes before Kathleen and her husband arrived with their children. Nancy and Peter arrived next before Olivia, Amelia, Lexie and Molly was sent home from school early. Meredith was grateful that Amy and Lexie had the foresight to pick Molly up on their way home.

They were all sat together in the lounge listening to the wireless radio reports. Meredith sat on one of the couches curled into Derek. Molly sat in between them and Lexie was curled into Meredith's free side. Kathleen and her family were sitting on the floor between them and Chris and even though they still young and didn't quite understand what was happening, they were definitely picking up that something was serious had happened because they were all so quiet.

Since then Meredith had spent the last 24 hours trying to keep the girls calm. They were both scared but Lexie seemed to struggle more, spending most of last night having nightmares and calling out for her parents. Meredith was thankful that the news was not affecting Molly in the same manner. She knew that her sister was gradually forgetting everything before coming to America and has much as it hurt her that Molly was forgetting their parents she wanted her sister to be happy and if forgetting was what it took than she would honor that.

"_**The United States was at peace with that nation and, at the solicitation of Japan, was still in conversation with its Government and its Emperor looking toward the maintenance of peace in the Pacific. Indeed, one hour after Japanese air squadrons had commenced bombing in Oahu, the Japanese Ambassador to the United States and his colleague delivered to the Secretary of State a formal reply to a recent American message. While this reply stated that it seemed useless to continue the existing diplomatic negotiations, it contained no threat or hint of war or armed attack"**_

Meredith pulled Lexie closer to her at the same time as Derek tightened his hold on her. Molly was now sitting next to Carolyn and sucking her thumb, a habit she always did when she was upset. Carolyn taking care of Molly allowed Meredith to worry about Lexie who seemed to be the most effected by the news. For Meredith it brought back memories from when she had lived in London and it was difficult going back to living in fear of the next attack. She knew how scared the girls were because she was terrified herself. Their parents had sent them to America so that they would be safe never once imagining that the war would hit them there thousands of miles away.

"_**It will be recorded that the distance of Hawaii from Japan makes it obvious that the attack was deliberately planned many days or even weeks ago. During the intervening time, the Japanese Government has deliberately sought to deceive the United States by false statements and expressions of hope for continued peace.**_

_**The attack yesterday on the Hawaiian Islands has caused severe damage to American naval and military forces. Very many American lives have been lost. In addition, American ships have been reported torpedoed on the high seas between San Francisco and Honolulu"**_

Derek placed a small kiss to the top of Meredith's head and met his father's eyes. Chris had his arm wrapped around his mother who was still comforting Molly. Derek looked around at his sisters and their families and knew how much he would miss them all. Mark had signed up to the army yesterday as soon as the first reports came in. Derek knew he would soon be following suit but not until he had spoken to his family first. He hoped that they would understand his decision, knowing that if didn't sign up to the armed forces he would only end up being drafted and he wanted this to be his choice.

The hardest thing for him would not just be leaving his family but instead it was the thought of leaving behind the woman that he loved and not knowing if he would ever see her again. The thought of it made his heart hurt but it also gave him the perfect reason to come home safely.

"I love you," he murmured in to her hair.

"Love you too," she said, tightening her hold on him never wanting to let him go. Listening to the news reports on the radio and then reading the newspaper articles this morning were bringing back so many painful memories for her. She could still remember the day that the British government announced that they were now at war with Germany. She would never forget the look of fear on her parents faces on that particular day and on the many nights that followed when London came under sustained attacks and aerial bombings from the Germans. Meredith thought back to her girlfriends in England and the looks on their faces as they said goodbye to their boyfriends who enlisted in the armed forces. What must have been going through their minds as they said their farewells? Deep down Meredith knew that would be a fear that she would be experiencing very soon.

"_**Yesterday the Japanese Government also launched an attack against Malaya. Last night Japanese forces attacked Hong Kong. Last night Japanese forces attacked Guam. Last night Japanese forces attacked the Philippine Islands. Last night the Japanese attacked Wake Island. This morning the Japanese attacked Midway Island.**_

_**Japan has, therefore, undertaken a surprise offensive extending throughout the Pacific area. The facts of yesterday speak for themselves. The people of the United States have already formed their opinions and well understand the implications to the very life and safety of our nation.**_

_**As Commander-in-Chief of the Army and Navy, I have directed that all measures be taken for our defense.**_

_**Always will we remember the character of the onslaught against us. No matter how long it may take us to overcome this premeditated invasion, the American people in their righteous might will win through to absolute victory"**_

Chris had his arms wrapped around his wife as he looked around the room and glanced at his family that had gathered at their home. Looking around at his son and son in laws he knew that this might be the last time that they are all together. He knew from previous experience that they were all likely to get drafted that was of course if they haven't already signed up or at least considered it. He hated the idea that his daughters would have to worry about their husbands but he knew how strong Kathleen and Nancy were and that they would cope, they were never alone. He watched Meredith; in the year and a half that she and the girls had been living with them, they have become like daughters to Carolyn and himself and he didn't want this latest news to become another set-back for them after everything they had all been through. He knew exactly how strong Meredith, Lexie and Molly were and he was just has proud of them has he was his own daughters.

"_**I believe I interpret the will of the Congress and of the people when I assert that we will not only defend ourselves to the uttermost but will make very certain that this form of treachery shall never endanger us again.**_

_**Hostilities exist. There is no blinking at the fact that our people, our territory and our interests are in grave danger.**_

_**With confidence in our armed forces - with the unbounded determination of our people - we will gain the inevitable triumph - so help us God.**_

_**I ask that the Congress declare that since the unprovoked and dastardly attack by Japan on Sunday, December Seventh, a state of war has existed between the United States and the Japanese Empire"**_

Meredith had finally gotten the girls settled. The recent events meant that it was taking her longer than usual to get them settled for bed, something that she did not have to do in a long time. She knew they were both still scared and that it would be a long night .She just wanted to curl up in Derek's arms and forget about everything for five minutes. She wanted some alone time with him before he told her whatever it was that he was hiding from her. Meredith suspected that she knew what was troubling him and she prayed that she was wrong. Walking through their shared bathroom and into her bedroom she made sure that she left the doors open so she could hear if the girls woke. It was then that she noticed that Derek was already on her bed, waiting for her.

"Did Lexie and Molly finally settle?" he asked her as she stood in the doorway. She looked exhausted but still beautiful. Looking at her standing there, he had no idea how he was supposed to leave her. He had left her too many times before and he had promised to never do it again but this was one promise he least wanted to break but one promise that under these circumstances he couldn't keep.

"Yes…they are still upset," she told him laying down and resting her head on his chest. Derek wrapped his arm around Meredith's waist and placed a kiss on the top of her head.

"You have been quiet…how are you feeling?" he asked her as Meredith entwined their fingers.

"Terrified…Daddy and mum sent us here so we would be safe and it now feels as if it were all for nothing," Meredith said letting the tears fall, no longer needing to be strong for anyone. Derek simply held her close until she stopped crying.

"That's not true Meredith…you are safer here than you would have been in England and you have me," he said to her. Meredith couldn't hold it in any longer so she asked him.

"For how long?"

"Excuse me?" Derek asked. Meredith lifted her head and repositioned herself so she was level with him.

"How long until you leave?"

"Mer…" he murmured.

"Don't Mer me, I am not stupid Derek. Your country has just been attacked and I know you Derek," she said, looking down at their joined hands and resting her head on his shoulder. She didn't want him thinking that she was mad.

"I am going to join the Army Meredith, we know I would have been drafted eventually and I would rather it be on my terms. I am so sorry Mer. I don't want to leave you…," he said, before Meredith placed a finger over his lips.

"I wouldn't expect anything less from you…just promise me one thing?" she asked him.

"Anything," he nodded.

"Promise me…that you will come home to me," she begged him not wanting to sound desperate but she didn't want him to leave her.

"Mer…"

"I can't lose you too."

"I can't promise you that Meredith…we don't know what will happen but know this. I am so in love you and I promise i will do everything in my power so that I can come home to you," he told her.

"That is all I can ask. I love you too," she told him, Derek crashed his mouth against her's in a searing kiss, pulling away he rested his head against her.

"Marry me?"

**Please Read and Review.**

**I will do my best to get the next chapter written and posted as soon as possible. I am still struggling with writers block on this story but I will finish it. I hate stories being left unfinished so it will get finished. Not many chapters left now.**


	53. AN

**A/N**

I know this story hasn't been updated in several months, I only have one more chapter left to post, not including the epilogue. Whilst most of the chapter has been written, I have writers block on the last quarter of the chapter. I WILL NOT leave this story incomplete, so I am asking you to be patient with me and I promise this story is almost over.

Thanks Kelly :)


	54. Chapter 50

**I am so sorry I haven't up dated in months; I have never gone so long before. This chapter while has been mostly written for months, the end scene which I needed perfect has cause me no end of writer's block and trust me it has just been has frustrating for me, has it has been for you my loyal readers :) This hasn't been proofed so any mistakes are mine.**

**Chapter 50**

It had only been a week since Pearl Harbor and everything had changed; the arrogance that America was safe from the War, which existed before the attack, was gone; it finally hit them that the War had finally touched them. The country had been in a state of fright that they never knew before, luckily, New York was calmer than the West Coast with all the false alarms of Japanese air attacks but it was a scary time.

It was Derek's last night with his family; tomorrow he would be heading for basic training at Pine Camp, which was thankfully located in New York State so until he was deployed he wouldn't be too far from his family and Meredith. Med school was on hold for him until he returned from the war, and he would get plenty of training in the field, since he was joining, has a medic.

He looked over at his fiancée and looks her hand in his; whilst his other hand, felt the ring box that he had in his pocket. She deserved a ring; he fully intended on giving it to her after the family dinner that night; they hadn't told any of his family about the engagement yet; Derek knew everyone would think it was too soon but he didn't care. He couldn't leave her; without ensuring that their future was set in stone.

"_Marry me"_

_Meredith looked at him in shock...of all the things she was not expecting that. She climbed off the bed and paced the room; she couldn't answer him yet..._

"_Mer...You're scaring me"_

"_What are you thinking" she rambled under her breath but loud enough for Derek to hear. "This is ridiculous"_

"_Meredith" Derek said loudly; and it stopped her in her tracks._

"_You cannot be serious," she murmured. Derek blocked her path._

"_Meredith" he said before he kissed her hard and it seemed to bring her out of her stupor that she found herself in._

"_Sorry..." she murmured. "I was not expecting that"_

"_And I had no intention of asking just yet...it came out but I do want to marry you; spend the rest of my life with you. I never intended on asking you yet but this changes things Meredith. I could be gone for years and I am not asking you to go to city hall with me and be my wife this instant. I do not want to marry you and then leave you for god knows how long but I love you and I want you to be my fiancée. I know this is a shock Meredith but right now you are scaring me"_

"_We are not ready for this...we have only been together for a few months, you were engaged before"_

"_Exactly Meredith and you and I are different...you are the love of my life and the only person I have wanted to marry since I first met you... I love you Meredith Ellis Grey and I want you to be my wife, not today but after this war is over and I come home to you"_

"_I love you too," she said, Derek pulled her in for a kiss...stopping just has his lips touched her's._

"_So...is that a yes?" he asked._

"_Yes" she told him, Derek fused his mouth to her's and kisses her; not gentle like usual but hard and possessive._

He looked around at his parents, sisters, brother in laws and nieces and nephew he would miss each and every one of them, he had no idea when he would see any of them again, he squeezed Meredith hand under the hand; causing her to look at him and lean over to him.

"Are you alright?" she asked him quietly.

"Yes...just going miss everyone," he told her.

"I am proud of you" she told him, Derek smiled and kissed her on the cheek.

"Thank you, I need to hear that" he admitted to her.

Carolyn was watching the interaction between Derek and Meredith, it wasn't often that they were affectionate in front of the family but that had changed over the past week. Derek had been staying at the house; and she had been watching them. Before they were both more reserved in how they conducted their relationship in front of the family; but since Pearl Harbor; were much more open about their relationship. She didn't know what had changed but maybe it was the fact that Derek would be gone; and no one knew how long this war would last for; it had pushed all her concerns about their relationship to rest. She was fully aware that Derek sneaked into Meredith's room on a nightly basis and despite that, she had told them that she didn't want it happening under her roof; she couldn't bring herself to stop them, the both need something to hold on to. She remembered 30 years before when Chris were sent away and she would not begrudge them a little bit of happiness before he left.

They didn't even bother hiding that Derek was going to spend the night with her; it was their last night together and they had no intention of spending it apart; Derek had said goodbye to his sisters, brothers in laws and the children and in the morning it was his parents turn and Meredith's. Upon entering the bedroom, Derek pulled Meredith towards him and pushed her against the wall; his mouth fusing to hers and his hands running down her curves; he needed her; he couldn't lose her. He would do everything in his power to come home to her. Derek's hand cupped her ass and he lifted her and her legs wound around his waist. He deepened the kiss; needing to taste her; to imprint everything into his memory because it might have to sustain him for years.

Meredith didn't fight him; she couldn't. She needed him as much as he needed her; at the start of this; they had agree to not do this in his parents' house and up until last week; the night she accepted his proposal, that agreement went out the window. He was leaving her and she had no idea when she would see him again, it was when and not if. She was not a clingy person but this past week she had clung to him like never before; she wished that she had said no to waiting and they married before he went and now it was too late; she couldn't hold back the sob that escaped her throat, causing Derek to pull away.

"Meredith" he said gently; has she buried her head in the crook of his neck and cried. Derek held her; Meredith rarely showed him or anyone else how she was feeling; and he knew exactly why because he felt the same way.

"I love you..." he murmured in her ear; he carried her over to the bed and gently laid her down but she held on fast. "Mer...You need to let me go; just for a moment...come on sweetheart," he said; ever so gently. She nodded and let him go; Derek laid down next to her and wrapped himself around her; holding her closely so they were fully touching with their clothed bodies and he let her cry and held her; until she calmed down and stopped.

"I'm sorry," she said lifting her head to look at him.

"Mer...Don't...I know" he assured her.

"I love you"

"I love you too," he said meeting her lips and kissing her and his fingers ran through her hair. "I have something for you," he told her; when they both came up for air. He reached into his trouser pocket and pulled out a small black box; Meredith gasped.

"Der..."

"Ssshhhh...Let me get this out. I wanted to get you a ring; I want the whole world to know that you are mine and you deserve this Meredith. You are the strongest person I know...I am going to miss you so much and when I come home; which I will; I am going to marry you" he told her; slipping the ring on to her finger. "I love you Meredith Grey"

Fresh tears sprang to Meredith eyes has she kissed him. "I love you too," she told him before looking at the ring that he had put on her finger. It was gold; with a large diamond in the middle surrounded by white gold with smaller diamonds on either side; it was perfect. "It's beautiful," she told him.

"When I come home; there will be another one to go with it," he told her; she nodded.

Meredith wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him; she ran her tongue over his lips and into his mouth, Derek let her take control; he loved it on the rare occasions that she did; it was their final night together. Meredith rolled them over so she was on top, straddling him. Derek's hands rested on her hips; has her tongue explored his mouth. Derek's hand untucked her blouse from her trousers and ran his hands over the smooth skin he found there and trying to contain the desire that he felt for her; especially knowing this would be the last time he would get to make love to her and it could be years.

"Too many clothes" Derek murmured as he kiss her hard, her pussy rubbing against his crotch, he flipped them over and pulled away to remove her blouse, his fingers undoing her brassiere as he moved the blouse, over her head. Then pulling off his own shirt before freeing her breasts from their confiner, he took an nipple into his mouth, sucking and gently biting down on it; has he squeezed her other nipple with his finger, before gently rubbing it with his hand. Meredith moaned softly.

"I love you Meredith Grey," he said, before kissing down over her stomach until he reach the band of her trousers. He placed his thumb inside of the trousers and pulled them down over her ass, bringing her panties down to, all the while kissing her exposed flesh.

Breaking contact for just a moment and quickly remove her pants and he separated her legs further and planted little kisses from her ankle until he reached her glistening pussy. Running his tongue over her lips, Meredith arched… as he gently parted the lips, his tongue found her clit, gently flicked it with his tongue, causing Meredith to call out his name.

"Derek" she murmured, her eyes closed in pleasure.

Derek lifted his eyes from the where his head was between her legs, he watched her as she come, his eyes never leaving her face has she spilled into his mouth, he loved watching her come and planned on watching her every single moment of tonight. She continued to tremble under his ministrations, and he was rock hard, he just wanted to be buried inside of her but he wanted this night to last, it was after all, all about her. The possessive, jealous side of him, wanted her to remember whilst they were apart, that no man could ever make her feel, make her come like he did. He knew that she loved him, but he was also aware that he could be gone for years and he didn't want to lose her, especially not to another man. He pulled himself up so that he was face to face with her when she came around.

Derek kissed her hard as she came around from her climax, Meredith responded slowly at first, but soon was meeting his demanding kiss…"God Mer, I don't know how…"

"Ssshhhh" she told him. "Not tonight, we are Meredith and Derek and nothing special is going to happen tomorrow" she said, keeping her voice strong. Derek had never been more proud of her.

"I love you"

"I love you too Derek Shepherd" she said, moving her hand, and he caught glimpse of the ring he brought her on her ring finger. He quickly grabbed her hand and bringing to his lips, he kissed her ring and the skin surrounding it. "Make love to me, Derek?"

"Like you need to ask," he replied, kissing her passionately on the mouth. He pressed his hard length against her pussy; Meredith arched her hips, so that his cock was rubbing against her. "Condom" he murmured.

"No" she stated. Derek looked at her in shock; they had never not used protection before.

"Mer…"

"No…if this is our last night, I want to feel you" she told him firmly.

"You could…."

"I know…" she told him, kissing him hard on the mouth. "I don't care, I love you and in the unlikely event I would get pregnant…then it would be yours and you will have something to return too"

"I have you to return too, you are all I need," he told her, the last thing he wanted was for her to raise to their child alone.

"I want you," she told, kissing him, telling him that she wouldn't take no for an answer.

He entered her swiftly, his mouth still fused to her's.

He groaned into her mouth at the feel of her slick walls around his embed cock; he loved the feel of her, he was ready to implode but he held it off, he wanted her to come first. He thrusted into her slowly at first, keeping his thrust slow and leisurely. He placed a nipple into his mouth and gently sucked. Her slick walls around his cock with no barrier, made holding off his orgasm harder, she felt so good around him.

"God...Der" Meredith murmured his name into his ear, has she gently bit on his earlobe and ran her tongue over the organ, causing Derek to call out her name.

"Mer" he called out, and he could feel his orgasm building but wanted her to come first, so he thrusted into her faster and placed his fingers on her clit, pounding into her hard and fast whilst flicking her clit with his fingers.

Her walls embedded and tightening around his cock and he could feel his balls tighten has they came together, calling out either other names.

"Deeeeer" she called out, and Derek kissed her hard to sniffle there screams. Derek gently collapsed on top of her ensuring to keep most of his weight off her, he stayed of her, gently kissing her, his tongue exploring her mouth, and Meredith let their tongue tangle together; her leg wrapped around his waist, to keep him place, she didn't want to lose this connection or him. Derek knew he had to get off her; he didn't want to squash her.

"Mer..." he said gently.

"What?" she said.

"Unwrap your legs," he told her, she shook her head. "Mer, I am too heavy" he told her and he could see it in her eyes that she didn't want to but she reluctantly unwound her legs from his waist and Derek slipped out of her and rolled them, Meredith immediately snuggled into him, holding him close, Derek's finger gently rubbing against the skin of her back. They couldn't speak to each other again; they both wanted to memorise how they felt against each other, in case they never got to too this again; before they drifted off in each other arms.

*****The End*****

**This was the final chapter, the good news being that there is an epilogue, and hopefully it won't take too long to write.**


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